I've been with this person for the passed 5 years and in the beginning everything was great. it only took a couple of months before the problems began. I'll admit that I've made mistakes within the first couple of months but it's been a long time since then and he still doesn't trust or have faith in me. He's only just started to question my loyalty as well. What I need to explain is that I don't leave the house by myself. I rarely go anywhere at all. I've respected the fact that he wants to be the soul breadwinner but his reasons are that he's worried I'll just leave him for someone with more money. And it's not just that. He compares me to his ex-girlfriend and other girls that have screwed him over expecting me to do the same. It's been this way for 5 years and I've just about had it. I've never broken up with anyone and therefore do not know how to say something as bad as divorce. Let's keep in mind that I've never cheated on him physically or emotionally. Please, someone help?
2007-08-02 06:23:00 · 12 answers · asked by prfreckle 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
The key to any relationship working is honesty and trust,,,,if you don't have those two things that is your first mistake,,,
then you have to have communication,,,,you have to be able to talk to the person you are with,,without communication, you cannot express who you are as a person,,their are alot of things wrong with this marriage,,and alot of things from his past that he has brought to this and not yet resolved,,and unfortunately,,,you are going to suffer for this,,i don't know that i would resault to a divorce rather than an intervention of feelings, and openness,,a talk of what it is that you both expect form each other,,and then realize,,,,,,,,,,NO ONE SHOULD EXPECT ANYTHING,,,,IT SHOULD BE A DESIRE TO WANT TO DO FOR EACH OTHER,,, a feeling that comes from the heart,,no control (Which he has over you) and he needs to really let go of his past and realize you are you and he chose you and if he cannot let go of the pain from them,,,that tells me that in order to still hold that close to him and to his heart,,,and for him to compare,,he still has some undealt feelings for them,,even if just anger,,you cannot have that in a marriage,,it has to be the two of you as a team working together not against each other,,,,understand,,if you sit down to talk to him mention counseling or therapy to deal with his past and even the present,,and if he refused i would tell him that this is something that is destroying you as a person and your inner spirit,,,and when that is gone honey,,,it is very hard to get back,,,ask him why he started seeing you as someonelse and not his wife,,his partner,,his equal,,and if he has no reply or is hatefull,,,,I would then consider making a life change for myself,,no one deserves to be held in the shadow of another,,and made to feel unloved an appreciated,,and trapped but the most important thing in all of this IS HONESTY,,,WITH HIM AND YOURSELF
you are your best judge of character,,,not us on here and you know how much you can take and can't...
I do wish you the best of luck and hope the best for you
Daphne
2007-08-02 06:59:08 · answer #1 · answered by Daphne F 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do you really want a divorce? If you're not sure you can tell your spouse maybe you still have an unconscious hope that it can work out. I told my ex-husband over the phone because he was violent. I didn't know how he would react. I already had my stuff packed in the car and a place to stay. If you want a divorce becuase you've met someone else, I would probably do it over the phone and have your stuff...things could get violent...they don't call them "crimes of passion" for nothing. If you aren't in love anymore...get counseling. Find that spark again. You do not want to be single it sucks. Good luck!
2016-04-01 11:38:42 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I mean, every personal situation is different, but it seems like you're taking the easy way out pretty damn quickly.
Now I know I can't quite be the one to talk. I'm just dating, been 3 1/2 years. But we plan on marrying in 2009. But we've been down some pretty damn rocky roads. Almost unbearable at times. But we've sat down and talked, and although the occasional argument pops up, we both respect each other, and try to view things from the other persons perspective. And don't go to a counseller, they're useless, $100/hour to sit there and say "how does this make you feel."
I mean, in life, you need to be happy. It would suck if you weren't, but don't back out so quickly from a challenge.
2007-08-02 06:30:21 · answer #3 · answered by flying.guy_canada 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, before you jump the gun and go straight for divorce, you should give yourself some time. Realize that all marriages have problems and each spouse makes mistakes, however the response to these problems is what matters most. So take it slow. Your best bet is to seek the advice of a marriage counselor or therapist. They can help you put things in perspective and look at your life in a different light. If you need to tell your husband, tell him, maybe he will even agree to go with you in hopes of keeping your marriage together. Even if the therapy does not save your marriage, at least you will know you tried your best and have no regrets about it.
2007-08-02 06:32:22 · answer #4 · answered by ThatGirl 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't see what can't be worked through! Marriage is very hard. Don't give up so easily!
You definitely do need it get out a bit. Your husband is insecure. Tell him that you love him often. Get cell phones and check in with him during theday and when you are out and about. Freely tell him about your day. Go to groups or activities that he is comfortable with - like go to a mom's club, or go to groups together the first time.
Try the book "His Needs, Her Needs" very good book that is tolerable for the men. :)
Trust is earned. If you broke his trust, then accept the situation that you are in.
2007-08-02 06:38:54 · answer #5 · answered by buterfly_2_lovely 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think before you make that decision you should read the book. 'the proper care and feeding of husbands' it's by Dr. Laura and it's a really good book that has helped many many people in your situation. There's also 'the proper care and feeding of marrige' if you prefer that one.
If you have children with him then you should also be thinking about them.
If you read the book and still want to leave him then just be honest with him. you owe him that at least.
2007-08-02 06:32:26 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
There is no "good" way to break the news like this to someone. In my opinion, the best way is to simply tell the person that you want a divorce. If your mind's made up, you would be doing the other person a favor by letting them know a.s.a.p. - the sooner the better.
2007-08-02 06:34:08 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
You don't. He's not beating you, so work it out. Your marriage may be the best it has ever been if you just give therapy and a sympathetic ear a chance.
2007-08-02 06:28:18 · answer #8 · answered by love 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He obviously has some baggage he has to work through. Have you ever suggested counseling to him, or would you rather just throw your committments to the wind and give up?
If you acted some way that made him question your loyalty and trust, what do you expect?
2007-08-02 06:27:27 · answer #9 · answered by Yogi 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Try marriage counseling first. No relationship is perfect & takes time and open communication. Good luck
2007-08-02 06:35:40 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋