what do u think of this poem?

Question

i wrote it in 9th grade(im going into 12th now), but i found it the other day and added it to my blog today. here it is, let me know what you think!

NEVERLAND
Here I am
Sitting on my speed boat in the middle
of the Atlantic Ocean. Suddenly,
A ship full of angry pirates blasts itself
Against my boat, causing sparks to
Erupt! In desperation, I jump out for fear
of being burnt alive. As I gasp for breaths,
In the cold ocean blue,
I see the maligning marauders escaping with
My precious pet ducky!
How will I survive? My only friend is gone,
While I slowly lose energy and am
Doomed to drowning. Thankfully,
a helicopter magically appears to save me from
My fated future. Out jumps an
Amazingly gorgeous man, who goes by the name of Ken.
He hoists me up, and we fly off to
Neverland, where we get married and live
Happily ever after!
However, my dreams are crushed when I
Realize I am sitting in a bathtub,
Married to a doll named Ken.
Living alone, I've gone a bit crazy.

my blog: http://www.brightideasofateenager.blogspot.com

im not making any changes because this was a poem from 9th grade, and i want to leave it as is. by the way, this was the honors class.

Answer 1

I think the poem is cute and shows a vivid imagination. That said, you should keep it the way it is so you can look back on it as you get older and more experienced. However, listen closely now, every poem benefits from editing, every one. If you want to keep this as it is because it's part of your past, that's okay, but you could keep this the way it is and still change a "copy" of it. Many poets do that; they keep the original to refer back to and keep editing the copy until they either have a new poem or have made the original poem into something they want to share.

If you choose to post poems that you do not want to change, then you are posting them just for entertainment, and it really doesn't matter what we think. If you post them so that the usual responses of "you're great, a genius, etc." come flying your way, it is nothing but vanity...but you're welcome to do that as well. That, however, will not make you a better poet, it will just give you an inflated ego that is not supported by your work. That too is okay, as long as you realize that is what you're doing.

Otherwise, when you post, we assume you want feedback so that you can make your poem better, and we offer suggestions on how you can change it. If you don't want that, just tell us up front that you don't care what we think and just wanted to share it with us...but that you don't want advice on how to improve it...we'll accept that, read it, and unless we really want to help you boost your ego, simply move on to the next poem.

It's your call, but it would be a shame if that's your choice. You have a good imagination and a good use of language...you could be a good poet if you decided to improve your poems instead of sealing them up the way you first wrote them. Again...it's your call.

Answer 2

Ho, ho! Pretty neat! You could present this slanted to youthful innocence, or reverse it into biting satire! That's as good as the winner of the 19th century English writing contest conclusion, "with a bound he was free!"

Answer 3

Ha! I like it. At first, I thought this is sort of wacky for a poem, but it's funny and I like the ending.

Answer 4

HA!! It made me laugh and that was fun. I had similar fantasies when I was nine instead of 9th grade. I actually made Barbie jealous!!lol

Answer 5

i almost never comment on poems posted here, especially if i know the poet. but, i really like the breakneck speed of this one. and i like your use of alliteration. there are a couple of small changes you might want to make. very small ones. thanks a lot for sharing it. do you have any others?

Answer 6

That is one of the best free verse poems I have ever read, no lie. I love it.

Answer 7

Vary good

Answer 8

you are very creative!
i want some of what you were on when you wrote it!

Answer 9

it was uninteresting, and under-dramatised. i suggest a full revision.