Going through divorce but should I move back?

Question

I have been separated from my wife for about a year. My daughter who is almost 15 has started getting into trouble and is almost uncontrollable. My wife and I have had a very disfunctional relationship, but it seems as if she cannot control my daughter and my funds are limited in obtaining a place of my own because i am still paying all the bills to keep my children in the community residence. She sneaks out at night and wants to be with these friends who are a bad influence on her. I feel the only way to control her at this point is to move back. Need some serious feedback.

I am currently living with my boss who is helping me out during this difficult time. I am sure he woud not mind me having my daughter there, but I feel as if I'm imposing.

Answer 1

Can she come and stay with you for a while?

Answer 2

Your daughter at 15 is bound to be testing boundaries. You and her mother therefore need to try and show some solidarity. Try to arrange a meeting with your ex on mutual territory and agree some ground rules for your daughter, moving back in is not the answer and will only cause further friction. If the two of you can present a united front your daughter will feel more secure. Make sure she understands that the rules are there to protect her as you both still love her even if you no longer love each other, and don't be too heavy with her, remember she has suffered in the family breakdown at least as much as you have. Good luck

Answer 3

I understand and have a friend in a simiar position. I think its wrong for people to think that the mother isnt doing her job properly! You try looking after a teenage girl who has had a life ripped apart by parents who have split up.
I dont think you should move back as this may cause more problems if you and your wife are fueding but i do think you should take time out with your daughter.. you know just time for the 2 of you and try to understand where she is coming from.
If you can get into her head that she has done nothing wrong and that her behaviour is upsetting you because you can not be there to help her she may change.

Answer 4

1st off : dont dare more back into the house but May i say, why are u still paying for all the bills in the 1st place when u have both seperated a year now, if i were u, i would sort out who pays what, ur ex wife needs stand up and take responciblity for the house hold bills, she is livin their running up the bills not u, if all the financl side of things were sorted out, u would be able aford a place of your own...


2nd off : its better for kids to see both parents been apart but happy then haven both parents under same roof and killin each other and unhappy... ur daughter is acting like this as she not only lookin 4attention but thinks its her fault u broke up, u have talk to ur daughter reasure her it wasnt her fault and coz mum and dad dont love each other the way they used to dont mean u both stopped lovin her and been there for her... dont try tellin her who her friends can and cant be, but do say u dont mind who she hangs with once she dont do what they do, teacher and show her the effects of alco, drugs and sex does to kids, and if she sees all that she will know better... and do try spend some time with ur daughter, maybe take her away for the wkend camping or something on that sorts and try get her involved with some kind of sports...

Best of luck to u

Answer 5

If you and your wife can come to an agreement, then it sounds like its beneficial for both you and your daughter for you to move back temporarily. Just make sure you have an understanding with your wife. You are great to take care of your family. I know its a hard decision, and I commend you for being a great father and provider. The best of luck.

Answer 6

Get over there and put your foot down. If your ex can't control her then you take her and get it straightend out. Find out where she is going and straighted those kids out too. You cannot rely on someone else to raise your child. If you feel that there is a problem then you need to do something about it. Don't move back in there. You are not your ex's babysitter. Be a man and be a father and go get your child before it's too late.

Answer 7

You need to do what is best for her and your former spouse. Does she want you back and do you want to be with her. If not then maybe you need to put your daughter in a harbor house or into some private school that will watch over her. If moving in is good for everyone involved then do it. Otherwise find your options. Look for help from the state.

Answer 8

Moving back is a bad idea because if you and your wife can't get along, then it's going to be bad because the only thing you're going to be doing at home is arguing and driving yourself crazy. Wherever you are staying now, you should try to get your daughter to move in with you. Moving back is only going to make matters worse.

Answer 9

Don't move back in 'cause this will send the wrong message to your daughter that her bad behaviour is rewarded by mum & dad living in the same house. You can be a consistent disciplinarian & support your wife without living under the same roof.

Answer 10

You may not need to move back, but you do need to have your daughter live with you. It seems her mother is not doing the job she needs. Being rebelious the way your daughter has been is very bad. She will definitely do things she will regret, possibly getting pregnant or hanging out with bad people. This could lead to drugs and other things. Please get your daughter.

Answer 11

u cannot seriously be considering asking ur wayward daughter to come stay at ur boss' place!

talk to ur wife. ur daughter is acting out because of all the confusion in her life- dad and mum living seperate, teenage identity crisis, etc. work out a solution where the family can be together. when u are all together it is easier to sit down with ur daughter and help her cope with the divorce.