I know she loves me but I hurt her too badly. I really wish I could take it back but I want her to know how sorry I am and that I would never do it again. I don't want us to break up. I really don't think I can live without her.
2007-08-02 05:19:26 · 41 answers · asked by Buck Johnson 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Too bad, so sad. Should have thought about all of that before you cheated on her.
2007-08-02 05:21:51 · answer #1 · answered by janicajayne 7 · 8⤊ 1⤋
So many people on here act like they have never hurt anyone or done anything wrong and that there is no way for forgiveness. Everyone says you should have thought of that before you hurt the other person. Thats great, if we all did that , no one would ever get hurt. We all make mistakes. You made a really big one. You will need to talk with her and answer any questions she has, answer every question as many times as she might ask it. Give her anything she needs to know, to help her feel secure. She is hurt and feels betrayed. It may take years to get past and you must be willing to endure how ever much time it may take. Don't rush her. Its her pain and its on her time frame, not yours. I know you are hurt with this too. You have feelings of severe guilt, regret, and remorse. You don't want to lose your wife and family. Its a hard case of helplessness and uncertainty that you both have to deal with now. Pray about it, talk to a pastor or a counselor, someone who is neutral that can help. If she refuses to go with you, you need to go anyway for yourself and to show her you are serious about it. Hang in there and show her you love her. Be patient. Let her know that no matter what has happened you love her more than anything and would like to have the rest of your lives to spend together showing her how sorry you are and how much you love her. She may not come back to you but, at least she will know how sorry you are. Don't ever blame her or try to say if you had done this or that it might be different. The fact is, you screwed up and now its your responsibility to try and fix it. Goodluck, I hope the two of you can get past the pain and work it out.
2007-08-02 06:12:24 · answer #2 · answered by The Wižard 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I know it must be painful, but you have to pay for your consequences. You should have known that she wouldnt stay with you if you cheated. Why should she forgive you? If she forgives you this time, then you will automatically think she will forgive you next time.
You should not have put yourself in the way of temptation. You need to avoid any kind of temptation when ever possible.
I would suggest asking her to go to counseling, see if she would go there with you, so you can together work out some of your issues. Chances are she has probably been hurting a while and this was just the tip of the ice berg.
As of now, I doubt she will stay with you if you don't seek some kind of counseling, at least if you made an attempt to show her how much you care, then you can say you tried....but it was too little too late.
2007-08-02 05:22:04 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
You have taught her that your wants are more important than her. Now don't try and tell me you had "needs" because there are only THREE NEEDS: Food, Air & Shelter. Everything else is a want including Love. The road the hell is made up of a thousand thoughtless acts and could of been avoided with a single thoughful act. Look deep past the actual affair into where the excuses to do it started and work on the source of the problem. What good is forgiveness if the problem is still there.
2007-08-02 06:13:25 · answer #4 · answered by snack_daddy10 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You say you love your wife, yet you cheated. Why? Was something going on in the marriage that make you feel unhappy? Was it a simple case of temptation getting the best of you, or did you care for this other person? These are things you need to figure out. It's what your wife is trying to understand, and she's not going back into the marriage without understanding that one thing: Why?
If you can give this woman a reasonable explanation--one that lets her know you still love her, she'll stay. Saying you can't live without her won't work. You've got to answer the question of why, to her satisfaction; even if you're lying. Best wishes!
2007-08-02 05:43:11 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Just tell her that you lived and learnt from your mistake, and that you would never do that again cuase it wasn't worth it. you have to tell her that you will be an open book to her from now on being it's going to take her awhile to trust you again, but you better know for a fact that this will never happen again since if she does forgive you she is risking her own feelings of being hurt again. tell her you would even go to counceling either with her or by yourself if you want to convince her that you don't want to loose her. Im not sure how strongly she wants to divorce you so I guess this is your last resort and I think if she really loves you she should give you a second chance since there are guys out there that do learn and never do it again, but a lot of men keep doing it. I will give you the benefit of the doubt though.
2007-08-02 05:28:08 · answer #6 · answered by jojo 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
This is a tough. How long have you been married? Did you admit it when she first found out about it, or did you lie?
Have you done it before? Was it someone she knew?
Why did you do it?
All of these are things you need to think about.
You need to talk to her, no excuses, no blame, and tell her from your heart how you feel about her. If you know why you cheated tell her. Remind her of all the good times you have had together. Ask for another chance and assure her that you will prove yourself to her. Don't be pushy with her. Let her know that you understand how she must be feeling.
If she does truly love you and you HAVEN'T done it before she may be willing to try to put it in the past and give you another chance. I forgave my husband ONCE but wouldn't if it happened again.
If she is young, she could be being influenced by what her friends say about it. And it could effect her initial decision but if you hang in there and PROVE yourself you may have a change. Don't give up.
Good Luck
2007-08-02 05:42:53 · answer #7 · answered by suzie 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you truly feel this way, then stop making it all about YOU!
look at your details....i know i hurt her, but i don't think i can live without her....
that says to me (to a woman)..i know i hurt you, but instead of trying to make it up to you, i'm just going to beg you to stay so i won't have to go through the hard part of living a single man's life...etc...
if you want your wife back...then prepare to suffer.
DO NOT date or speak to another woman.
DO NOT say things you don't mean out of anger.
FOCUS on her and what she needs.
SHOW her that you suck and you know it and you don't blame her for not wanting to be with her.
if you truly feel remorse, then it will consume you and she will be able to see it.
if you really aren't sorry in your heart...she can see that too.
let her go...keep in touch, show her how devastated you are without her and prove your love to her.
she may forgive you, she may not....
knowing that it's not a sure thing, are you still up to the challenge of getting your wife back??
if so, then maybe you have a chance.
the biggest thing to give her....your time.
wait for her. give her space, give her time.
that's all you can do.
i wish you both well and i hope things turn out right for everyone.
2007-08-02 05:43:15 · answer #8 · answered by joey322 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Sorry but the damage is done. Trust is GONE. Even if the two of you got back together again it will NEVER be the same. You can pretty much consider your relationship over because she will NEVER be able to let this go and it will only make things worse for your relationship if you did get back together.
2007-08-02 05:27:50 · answer #9 · answered by Amber B 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well, for some people, cheating is an unforgivable act.
The only advice I can give, is continue to love her, and show her that. If you really love her, you'll want her to be happy, no matter what that means for you.
<3 Be strong, and learn from your mistakes.
2007-08-02 05:25:45 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
You have to understand that you have betrayed her trust in the most elimental way. The best thing you can do at this point is make sure she knows that you validate her feelings.
The worst thing you could do is make excuses or blame her. You are the party at fault here and you need to accept responsibility for it. You should also offer to go to couples counseling if she is up for it. Best of luck to you.
2007-08-02 05:29:08 · answer #11 · answered by snnyaura 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋