How would you handle this?

Question

Ex was ordered to pay me child support for our 2 kids. I felt with her job situation (been at her present job for about 6 months), it would overwhelm her so I offered to send her about half the money (with my oldest) to help buy food, clothes, etc..., at least until she gets established in this job. I'd rather have a little support now than no support at all and their mom in legal trouble. She took great offense to the offer and chewed me out for disrespecting her and stating " you are still trying to control my life" issues. She stated she didn't need my help because she had friends and family and refused. Long story short, one payment in now she has suddenly reconsidered. Asked in a nice tone but certainly not gracious or apologetic. Should I offer again and play nice or should I just tell it was a one-time offer and she has to sleep in the bed she made?

Answer 1

I think she just lashed out the first time because her pride was at stake. If you feel that you can financially handle it, go ahead and help her out. Remember, you were in love with her once. Be nice and keep a good relationship for the kids to see.

Answer 2

YOu have the kids well that tells alot already but this is your kids mother The help would not be as much as i offered maybe just alittle tell her times have passed and you had more then than now . Think of who is raising the kids and what she maybe be taking from the kids in the long run! life health care school other events better safe than sorry kids always are the first to suffer. I am a stepmom we have him all week and its hard weekends when she has him its full of fun things we do the homework thing all routine she does not supply us with nothing he told he he needed a box of valtines last year for his classmates what is that 2 3 dollars she said no its our place and turned around and brought im a new bike! she has a daughter she nevers sees by another man because she said she did not want a D@#$ girl but yet she is not in tis boys life that much either sorry dont help her out that much she will get to dependent upon it! and she will think she can get away with alot in time trust me i have been here for 5 long years and i know what i am saying who is to say your job will be there forever think about everything your children need for the future. Like i said its hard for us now i have not worked in a year i am still looking and the money is slim pickings here and school fixing to start pants to buy shoes glasses his meds he has to take everyday will she offer anything HELL no and we get him when ever we wnat him on weekends if we say he cannot come she is fine whith that we have him all the time and we do it alone without here help take every dime you can get fro her for those KIDS!!!!

Answer 3

Don't look a gift horse in the mouth, is what I would have said. Her pride most likely got in the way. My husband and I were separated for some time, years ago, and he was ordered to pay a large amount. At times he would be strapped, and I was concerned about whether or not he could buy food when he had the children. So I would often buy groceries for him when he was going to have the kids for the weekend, and send the groceries with the kids. We didn't always get along, but my main concern was the kids eating properly.

I think it would be very generous of you to do this. But protect yourself. Keep track of how much you give back to her. Maybe set it up as a "loan". Document, write checks instead of cash.

Answer 4

Wow. What's wrong with her that she doesn't have custody of her kids? Anyway, she was too proud and arrogant to notice you were just trying to help her out, and now that she sees how her life really is, she wants your help again. Like you said, she made her bed. Someone has to teach her responsibility; it might as well be you, since this is really about the kids.

Answer 5

Hmmmm, touchy one. She got offended when you offered and now sees later what you were trying to curtail. Mother of your kids but nasty attitude. I would say one-time offer and sleep in the bed she made but if the kids should happen to call and need then give.

Answer 6

You need to keep it civil for your kids. She sounds like a angry person anyway so you will probably have enough arguments with her in the future. Its a shame you can't make her pay for being a b.... but your kids I'm sure would hear about it. It was a nice gesture to let her have a reduction in support temporally.

Answer 7

I know that it would be really nice to throw it all back in her face. You do, however, have to think about what is best for the children. Even if she does get through the financial situation just fine, y'all aren't going to be on the best of terms. I do think it is important that she learn a lesson, so it is hard to say what to do.
The most important thing is that you think what would be best for the children and go from there. I don't know the whole situation, so it would be hard to say.

Answer 8

Tough one...I'm curious why mommy didn't get custody? It would be generous of you to extend the offer again. You shouldn't feel obligated to. But who's #1 here? The kids are. It would benefit them to have a mom who can make ends meet and to have a daddy who cares enough to do whatever it takes.

Answer 9

She should pay, she has to learn responsibility for her actions something she should have learned a long time ago.If ever a parent has to get a second job or do whatever it takes to take care of their kids it should be done.Let her lie in bed she has made.

Answer 10

Play nice. She is the mother of your children, and you two are going to have to be in contact with each other at least until your youngest child is eighteen. That is a very long time to be catfighting.