i just want to be serious with my boyfriend but then sometimes i think that it won't work between us, please help me dear friends..he thinks i am still immature....he is 27 n i am 18..i really love him, i want to show him that i am the one for him...
2007-08-02 02:21:18 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Well from his point of view you really are immature, truly. But I wouldn't take offense to it, just that he is 27, and anything younger than him is going to be construed as immature because quite honestly he isn't that mature himself and needs for someone else to be immature for him to feel better about where he is at. So if he were with an older gal, like 45, he would think she was immature because she digressed to being with him. And that may not have anything to do with why she is with him but that is how he is going to perceive it.
At this point, it is all about his need to find someone who is more mature than him to define his own maturity, and make him feel better about where he is at. Chances are though, that someone is going to expose him for who he is, and is not, and he will feel emasculated, which is a very dangerous place for someone who feels immature to be at. So he is unable to have a healthy relationship, with anyone, at this point, until he clears his own closet and someone else can walk into it without the demons and skeletons pushing them back out; they don't want to go anywhere and don't like being asked to leave. It's that simple; what can he offer you when he doesn't feel that good about himself, and what more is he expecting from an 18 year old than what you are already giving him, I mean how sick and unhealthy is that? Whether you are the one for him or not is immaterial at this point because you can't really help him, you have to be with him at a distance, and that isn't something that anyone should have to endure, particularly at 18, so move on.
This is getting pretty long but as I read it I come with other things; you probably feel as though you are mature and doing something more than what you normally would do because of the age difference, and that says a lot and he should respect that. I had been in some situations myself where the girl was younger and that was most likely the case but found a way to compartmentalize it and make it into something that it was not because I needed to check my own reasons for being in that type of a situation to begin with. You can't help who you are attracted to or who you find yourself in a situation with, but you have to be mature enough to find a way to make the best out of it particularly when you allow yourself to be defined by the experience. If he were really as mature as he likes to think that he is, he would see that for what it is and would use the situation to encourage you and bring you up to where he would like to be at out of a geniune interest for you and your feelings, and to help you to not make some of the same mistakes that he has. But because of his issues, he can't give you what you really need in the relationship; you simply cannot prove yourself to someone who hasn't truly accepted themselves or does not want to see the relationship for what it truly is. He wants to have a good time without the guilt and without the responsibility that entails; he wants you to take care of yourself emotionally so he dosen't have to do it and is angry because you do not have the autonomy. So he turns around and presents it to you as though you are the one who is immature and so on and so forth, when he is looking for an icebox he can store stuff in. But you can't be that, and shouldn't be, for anyone. I don't know if that explains it any better I just thought of that while I was proofreading.
2007-08-02 02:40:12 · answer #1 · answered by collard greens with hash browns 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Has your boyfriend literally came out and said to your face that you're not mature enough nor attractive enough for him? If he has then why in the world would you want to stay with him? That was very rude of him to say if he has said that to you.
You need to ask yourself why are you staying and love isn't the answer. You may love him but he can't love you if that's what he's feeling for you. Ask him why is he holding on to you if he truly feels that way.
You can't force someone to see you for what you are not. You shouldn't have to go all out changing you just to impress the person that's suppose to love you. If he can't accept you for who you are and what you're like then you don't need him. That's the harsh reality that you need to face right here right now. Drop him and that will show him exactly how much more mature you are then he is. Don't stay in a relationship that sounds like it's going no where fast.
2007-08-02 02:34:10 · answer #2 · answered by Pisces Princess 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Do you have no self respect? You're "boyfriend" calls you unattractive yet you love him. He thinks you're immature yet you want to be with him. Do you enjoy this abuse?
He may be right about the immature part. You're spending way too much emotional energy trying to prove your the one to a guy who thinks very little of you.
If he was the one for you and you the one for him it would not take this much work for each of you to know it.
2007-08-02 02:46:37 · answer #3 · answered by JB 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
u can do 2 things either go behind him stick 2 him n try 2 convince him that u r the one or DUMP him and look for someone who loves u 1st one will make u immmature and and running behind a guy will make him think too good of himself and will cost u ur dignity but being with someone who loves u wheather u love him or not is whats going to help u
dear in the end dont forget to listen to ur heart it helps GOOD LUCK!!!!!
2007-08-02 02:53:18 · answer #4 · answered by pryncess 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your boyfriend calls you immature and unattractive, perhaps you should be looking for a different boyfriend. Why would you even want someone who treats you like that??
2007-08-02 02:24:21 · answer #5 · answered by la buena bruja 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your just stepping into adult. Move on its nothing that you two can really have in common. The most you would be to him is p*$$y. Plain in simple no sugarcoating. Save yourself the future heartache
2007-08-02 02:42:38 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to get another boyfriend.
I think he doesn't appreciate you and who needs that?
Move on.
2007-08-02 02:25:11 · answer #7 · answered by daljack -a girl 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
what kind of guy would tell a girl she's "Not that attractive" ?
that's quite an INSULT!!! he's a jerk.. lose him.
2007-08-02 02:26:37 · answer #8 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
dress up, dress older, or more sexy, act older, act more confident, more sure of yourself, take charge
2007-08-02 02:25:47 · answer #9 · answered by Donald, Donald, Donald, Donald K 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
why are you with someone that thinks that of you?
2007-08-02 02:26:28 · answer #10 · answered by mandersmo 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋