My 20 yr old step-daughter moved in with her 26 yr old boyfriend, very much against my and her mother's advice. We know we can't stop her, but we strongly reccommened against it and in no way, shape, or form support her decision. Now, she's asking for help with money and wants us to buy things for the apartment (curtains, microwave, etc.). Of course we love her to death, but how much help should we give, if any at all?
2007-08-02 00:53:53 · 11 answers · asked by Jim C 5 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Polls & Surveys
We had the same exact problem with our daughter,the dude she was with was a real loser,and thank gawd she finally realized that after 1 month of living with the jerk off..anyway,...We only contributed what would benefit her personally,..If she needed clothes I took her shopping for her own things,groceries were bought by us and taken to them,(never ever give cash),anything she needed she got,but not for his benefit,well I think you see my point,so good luck!
2007-08-02 01:07:28 · answer #1 · answered by *toona* 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
When a 26 year old makes a decision to move out, it's all ways good except to move with someone; and I know that's hard, but I have had to reach for my daughter as well, many times so every now and then, this is what happens even after 18. Try and be there for your daughter as much as possible; but let her know this is your decision, and this your life, but part of making good decision come with adult hood. Tell her you don't mind getting her a few things here, and there, that are needed, because you love her, and want to make her happy, but sacrifice comes with adult decision. I am sure if this guy is not the type of guy who is good for her she will come around, but don't let her relationship with you, and her mom decline because she has made decision you don't agree with. Because now is time she needs your support and some of your money. And by consistently support her this should help her to trust your decision, and she will be become wiser with hers.
2007-08-02 08:05:16 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Loving your children, you sometimes have to support their decisions in life. Your step-daughter is an adult now. She is going to do what she wants with our without your help. What does it hurt to buy her a few things for a home? If it doesn't work out with the boyfriend, she still owns the stuff and will need it living on her own some where else. I recommend that you give her some of your stuff and buy the new things for yourself. Good Luck. I have a 20 yr. old also and she asks for things from me all the time! I don't support her decisions, but I realize that helping her with the little things, helps me from having to bail her out of the bigger things life has to offer.
2007-08-02 01:12:27 · answer #3 · answered by LuvinLos 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋
She's gonna keep making decisions whether or not you approve of them. You don't have to support her decision but be sure to not cut her off because she made a grown up decision.
As to helping her out financially - if you and your wife are agreed that you'll help your step-daughter out a bit - set a limit for yourself and stick to it. Ask her to prioritize things that she would like and then you pick from that list. Things like curtains shouldn't be a high priority!
Good luck!
2007-08-02 01:05:22 · answer #4 · answered by Durga sings the classics 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she had moved out into her own apartment, what would you have been willing to buy her? Personally, I think the boyfriend is a whole separate issue. And the more you don't like him, often times the more she WILL. But the fact is, there will be at least a couple guys you don't like. Ultimately that's her choice and if you want her to be part of your life, you are going to have to support her choice in boyfriends (barring abusive ones).
2016-05-20 23:48:29 · answer #5 · answered by joan 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she moved out against your wishes, she should be on her own. You can love your children and not give them money to make mistakes.
2007-08-02 03:40:02 · answer #6 · answered by reggieg 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well I think this is ALL going to come down to the BOYFRIEND. Does he work? Is he trying to help out here? I myself am leaning towards telling her come on home and you won't have these problems. If she chooses to stay with this situation then, welll, TIME TO GROW up and become and adult.
2007-08-02 01:01:38 · answer #7 · answered by GRUMPY 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
she should buy mostly Used goods, and when they have the money they should buy new stuff.
If they can't afford it perhaps they should wait for a year or 2
2007-08-02 00:58:57 · answer #8 · answered by Appie 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Only you can decide that, it's her life and she's old enough to make her own mistakes. I'd be doing the op shop rounds and picking up necessities and that's it.
2007-08-02 01:00:13 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you have to support (via helping her out financially) to a certain extent. Don't let her rort you though. Just make sure you keep reiterating how much better she can do etc. Make sure she knows you love her regardless.
2007-08-02 00:59:42 · answer #10 · answered by Dasher 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋