Am i Wrong?

Question

Iv been married for 6 months.My man made it clear he'd never leave his mum, as she has alzheimers, and i dont mind. Everything was ok, til after a few months of being married, his brother and wife (who actually deserted their mum and left, she hates our mother inlaw). She hasnt spoken to her in 4 years, till i got married, and now she leaves her 2 girls 7 and 8 at my house al the time, its been more then 2 weeks and they're there every day, shes nice to our mother in law, and takes advantage, i feel its unfair as mum cant cope and i end up cleanign up after them, with pen marks over cream sofas, table cloth, when i get home form work i find the kitchen like its been hit by a tornado. our house looks a mess. Unfortunately, my husband says its not worth causin a problem, hed never be able to tell them to stop leaving their kids here all day till night. That his mum would b heart broken. ifeel like im getting the bad end of the deal here. am i wrong insisting its unfair n has to stop

Dont get me wrong my husband loves me alot and is very sincere and supportive, he is just stuck inthe middle.

Answer 1

Elaina, It is time for you and your husband to take action as a united front, and not continue to be spectators. I can understand your husband wanting to care for his mother, I would think very little of him as a son if he acted differently. However, you need to tell him that a serious family meeting is in order. Your brother in law and his wife need to be told in no uncertain terms, just HOW "the rules" of this game are going to be played. If the rules are not followed, then there will be consequences. Your husband needs to stand beside you, as you are being taken advantage of. There is no concern or respect from your brother in law,or his wife, regarding all involved here. Everyone is being affected, and it just can not continue. I agree with the posts that state if a few feathers are ruffled, so be it! After all this is your life,your home and possibly your marriage at stake here. Unfortunately some people are like children(your in-laws) and will push you as far as they can to get away with being irresponsible, until they are confronted and dealt with. Best of luck, and make your husband know that in this situation, he must show his support for you 100%

Answer 2

Don't you just hate it when the in laws come over and they never seem to leave for any reason. Well, I do I've been going through this for several months now too and FRANKLY I'm tired of it and I am not taking it anymore. Yeah my husbands stuck in the middle and stuff but there comes a time in his life where he has to just suck it up and let go of the ****. There are a lot of programs out there that came help with the care of the mother it's just that one has to go out and look for it but its there. I told my husband that I wasnt going to stand for it anymore and that his brother needed to take his kids to his own house where he can discipline them himself. He one of those parents that cant control their own kids but hate it when someone else does it. Look at it this way at least your not paying for their bills like i was....all I can say is take your home back you've just recently married can you imagine what its going to be like in 10 yrs. NOT A PRETTY PICTURE IS IT!!!! just think about long and hard...good luck and may god be with you..

Answer 3

Set some guide lines you are not a doormat and neither is your mother in law. You need to find a way for him to really see whats going on and have him stand up and be a man. If they want to "be" with the mother than they need to make slow changes not jump right in. Unfortunately she cant make her own decisions so you need to let him know its up to him and you arent letting him back down. Besides looks like they arent spending any time with her and treating you like a daycare. I am sure you both have enough on your plate without running a daycare. Not to mention they got along just fine without you in previous years. Insist girl before you pull your hair out and put a strain on your marriage. This is the first year, you are suppose to be enjoying each other not having problems.

Answer 4

It's wrong for your in-laws to treat you this way. But since it is your house, their should be some ground rules...You do not have to offend anyone but make it clear that whoever makes the mess in the kitchen or around the house should clean it up, seeing that your working and tired when you come home from work.

Your husband wants to keep the peace and his decision should be respected but your house should be respected as well. If your in-laws get offended then it will be one less person to clean up after...

Answer 5

Take your husband out of the "middle", take the opportunity into your own hands and talk to the in-laws yourself. Explain what is going on and that if it does not stop, your will have to ask them to find a hotel or motel to stay at while they deal with your mother-in-law. Sounds like your husband just doesn't want to cause any waves. Good luck!

Answer 6

You have a right to have your house looking the way you want to look, and I think you need to set the rules with the kids and your sis in law to set the deal straight and say that you can;t cope, it's getting too much. If you keep your cool and be all nice and polite but firm about it and most importantly have your husband at your back, it should work out.

Answer 7

Sounds like you are getting the sticky end of the popsicle stick. No matter what you say you're husband is not taking your feeling into consideration.
But I see where he is coming from...he's not doing it for his brother and sister-n-law, who honestly I would be furious at, but for his poor mother who loves her grandchildren.
You don't want to upset them, but you need to set some ground rules. Not picking up after themselves and their kids is just bad manners. I never go to someone's house and not pick up after myself. If they are staying at your house, eating your food, using your water, and electricity, they can at least pickup after themselves. They sound like a bunch of bums to me. Has your husband actually seen the mess they make or are you cleaning it up before he sees it? If you are STOP!! Make sure he sees what is going on!!! Men are not women, just telling them does not do the trick....he needs to see what is happening to his household. If nothing works, and you are desperate, stop cleaning for a while, let all the dishes get dirty, wash only enough for you, your husband, and his mother to use and hide them discreetly, if that is possible. When they see they are actually going to have to do something, the may get the hint.

Answer 8

hmmm...well, certainly the girls should have been taught to clean up after themselves by this age...and obviously their parents have not done that...I am guessing they are on summer vacation...let's see what happens when school starts...=)...it's just a month more or so?...good luck! Keep us updated...and do they ask to drop them off? or do they just drop them off? because, if something happens to the girls and neither of you said it was ok to leave them there...the parents can get in trouble for abandonment...I would expect your husband to keep an eye on them...that's what I think...since you feel imposed upon and are imposed upon...Also, alzheimer's patients go through alot of turmoil as it is...I know...my mother has it and she is in a nursing home...any changes can make the disease progress more quickly...and the kids being there all the time must have had some effect on her...just as it will have an effect when they go back to school...be prepared...sigh...

Answer 9

I don't think you are wrong in anyway..I think that maybe your husband should offer you more help in cleaning the place up if he refuses to say anything to the other family members. I understand there is a major problem when a family member is ill. However if everyone ( you and spouse ) both work etc then why are you doing everything after work>?

Answer 10

Have you ever heard the word NO! Tell your sister-in-law to stop dropping her kids off as you will no longer watch her bratty kids. You've got enough on your plate without her dumping her brats on your doorstep every day! Tell your husband to get some balls and talk to his useless brother too! Good luck sister!