My boyfriend and I are going to move into together soon and start living together. We recently got engaged and want to live together for a few years before deciding to get married. The problem is we disagree over children - he wants to have them and I am not sure if I ever will. Do you think we should: (1) just move in together first and see how it goes, or (2) sort this out before we move in together?
2007-08-01 22:01:35 · 12 answers · asked by Fluffy ♥ 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Your choice of not wanting to have children is purely based on fear of the future rather than reality. You should not be scared of the unknown. There is joy in have children and once you have them you will realised that your focus is shifting from him to children and if not careful that may affect your relationship the two of you.
2007-08-01 23:19:25 · answer #1 · answered by Dr Yahoo 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would go with option 1.
You definitely need to live with someone before you take the relationship to the next level - that way you can see what annoying habits that he has and he can also see yours!
I relation to the children dilemna - I would see how it goes - I think that once you are living together and start organising the wedding etc you will change your mind about having children, as they are a gift and there are a people out there who do not get the choice that you have.
Good luck.
2007-08-02 05:09:25 · answer #2 · answered by Beccygirl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a very interesting question.
I get what you are asking but I think my answer is going to speak to the broader issue at hand...
You say that you are going to move in together before deciding to get married and that one of your options is to "just move in together and see how it goes" when it comes to the child issue.
It occurs to me that there isn't a whole lot of personal decision or commitment involved in this process.
I guess, to be more clear...people move in together before they get married to give marriage a test run and see how things go...but what people fail to realize is that marriages that survive and make it do so because they made the DECISION to make it work..NOT because they were the perfect match or agreed on everything.
In other words, if you leave this issue alone it isn't as if you are going to reach some magical point in time where your outlook on things is going to be identical...and the stars will align and it will be the perfect time to march down the aisle.
Rather, it is when the decision making is difficult and the differences are vast that you can truly measure the strength of a relationship--by how willing and able you are to make compromise and confront issues like this as a couple...
The short answer: sort it out ahead of time...
2007-08-02 05:49:31 · answer #3 · answered by joellemoe 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Lolita,
Definitely cool it off and sort out how you feel. The worst thing you can do is have children when you do not really want them; this type of rash decision will lead to familial animosity and general disturbances.
"...want to live together for a few years before deciding to get married..."? I thought engagement signified the decision to get married.
2007-08-02 05:08:45 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
So you got engaged and now you want to move in together and then you'll decide if you want to get married! And he wants children and you maybe never will!
I'm also 27 - get your things sorted out. You're old enough.
2007-08-02 05:22:41 · answer #5 · answered by Pam 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should sort out a lot of it before you get married and I dont think moving in together will let you know one another better. I think it will confuse the issues.
2007-08-02 05:58:50 · answer #6 · answered by msqtech 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sort it out before you definitely married, but moving in together might sort out that difference and other differences that you may have.....
2007-08-02 05:20:37 · answer #7 · answered by Renee 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
.
wake up, wake up,
you are sure inviting troubles my friend,
never ever think of having baby before marriage,
absolutely never....
believe you me,
even i say no to you for start living together,
before marriage, why just cant get married first and
then start living together????
what`s the problem,
2007-08-02 05:44:24 · answer #8 · answered by Karsan 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sort this out BEFORE you get married, and don't shack up. If he wants children and you don't, you must let him go!
2007-08-02 09:19:54 · answer #9 · answered by Lydia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
move in together and see how it goes. u never know what will happen.
2007-08-02 05:27:25 · answer #10 · answered by loulou 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋