To carry on or not to carry on?

Question

I've been married for 7 yrs, but strangely our sex life isn't enjoyable. I feel unwanted as I'm always the one taking the initiative. Try to talk to him, but to no avail. Think bcoz we've knw each other for 15 yrs & the spark is no longer there, just going thro' some motion. I get really lonely at time since we've no kids though we tried hard for the past few years.. We don't quarrel alot, but assume we understand each other. He admitted started an affair last yr & I was quite sad. My marriage is now pending divorce, not bcoz I can't forgive. There is something really missing in our yrs of marriage, possibly our intimacy, our involvement & participation in each other's life, etc.. I feel sad abt letting go, after all, we had been together for so many years.. We did mention abt reconciling, but no actions.. I've move back to my parents' place & he stay alone. I'm still concern abt him, eg. if he now has new gf, come home late, but do not knw what's the points.. should I carry on?

Answer 1

If he has a new girl friend and divorce is pending, it's time to let him go. Start a new life.

Answer 2

" We don't quarrel alot, but assume we understand each other"

Never make assumptions. You assumed that there was no problem since you were not bickering....

"There is something really missing in our yrs of marriage, possibly our intimacy, our involvement & participation in each other's life, etc I feel sad abt letting go, after all, we had been together for so many years.. We did mention abt reconciling, but no actions"

That might have been the case. Your life was your life and his life was his life and the marriage was of contentment. You never did once mention you are still in love with him....but you mentioned that you were together for so many years and thats why you thought of reconciling. hmmmmm

Theres nothing wrong to be concern about him but thinking if he has a gf or has he been coming home late is not a sign of concern...its more like pryng.

If you truly think you're still in LOVE with this man then seek counseling but the two of you have to learn how to COMMUNICATE and SHARE your lives together. See if this is truly what he wants as well.

Answer 3

That' a touchy subject only you have the best judgment to answer. You don't want to make a decision based on what other people suggest, and sure it must be lonely for you as well as painful for what you've endured. Not to make it sound so negative, but maybe the two of you have grown apart. Couples, (some), that have been together for as much as 30 yrs. don't always experience long wonderful years of sheer marital bliss, but too, have their times of struggles and hardships. It's not always a smooth road, but you can make a difference to make your life a bit more fulfilling. Check to see if there are any women's empowerment classes that you can participate in. A close friend or relative that can be your crying shoulder. Some sort of support system could do you good about now. He violated his wedding vows, from what I read, not you. It doesn't necessarily matter the amount of years spent together, but how their spent. There's a 'Mr. Right,' out there for every available female. Hang in there, yours will come to you.

Answer 4

It sounds like he has already moved on, both mentally and sexually so what is really left? It takes two to make a marriage work and you are going to have to start a new life. Since there are no children involved, you will no longer be tied to eachother and this is probably for the best. You still have time to find happiness with someone else so start today to make the best you that you can be. I am sure that if you focus on yourself for the next few months, you will be looking at a much happier future this time next year. Good luck!

Answer 5

Personally I feel that when the couples have lost trust in their partner, I think the marriage will never work out. Even both of you try to reconciled, the feelings is never the same. You will sometimes wonder if you can trust him especially after he had admitted that he have an affair.
You need to be brave to carry on with your life. I know there are going to be alot of changes to your life especially both of you have been married for 7 yrs and you could be so used to marriage life.
You may find something lost after divorcing with him but I believe that :two mistakes doesn't make one right". So I feel that if both of you carry on dragging the relationship, it hurts you even more. So just carry on with your life and move on.

Answer 6

Well it's only natural for you to still be concerned for him and even to miss him, what with all the years that you have been close. But I say not to carry on.. it's better to end it now while you are presumably still young, instead of wasting more time in a relationship in which you are not fullfilled. You don't want to wake up in 10 years wondering why you didn't leave... Your soulmate may still be out there!

But on the other hand, you know your own situation better than any of us could.. just remember that you DID say yourself that something is missing. So if you don't want to invest the time and energy into repairing your relationship and bringing back the spark that it obviously needs, I say you are better off separate. Good Luck.

Answer 7

You have to carry on, you always have to carry on..your relationship really seems quite sad for the both of you and I don't feel it is because you have know each other so long. If you are unhappy and it isn't salvageable then remove yourself from the situation and find happiness somewhere else..it is out there you just have to be receptive for it..give yourself a break for now to heal the wounds from this relationship. You have to have intimacy in a marriage and you have to talk to each other..good luck to you in whatever you decide!

Answer 8

It's always very sad when a marriage is falling apart. Marriage takes work every day to make it last and keep the spark going. It all has to do with committment, respect, saying "I love you" all the time. You can never take each other for granted. I thank God for my husband, and I let him know that he is a gift to me and that I cherish him. He is the same way. You have to tell each other that you appreciate your mate in all the things you do for each other and together making the marriage work.
If you ever become apathic toward each other, then you have lost a chance to keep the spark going and love in your heart for each other.

Answer 9

You are both at the end of the road. Let each other go, so that you may both start to live the lives you really deserve. There is no point just staying together through habit. Go out and enjoy yourself! You will meet new people, and maybe Mr. right!
Good luck.
Darrell.

Answer 10

This is really tough. I know what you're going through. I think life is way too short to be sad and upset. I think you should try to work it out with him the most you can. Once you feel like you have done all you can, you should move on. The satisfaction of doing all you can will give you the strength to move on. There are millions of ppl out there. No one says you should just love one... we can all love many. No matter what you decide, God will help you and everything will be ok, I promise.

Answer 11

No Do not Carry on.... Life is too short for you to be thinking about him now. you have made your decision and now you have to move on. he has cheated on you! do you really want to stay with a man that has cheated once without thinking about you and i am sure as he is he will do it again!!?? Come on stop feeling sorry for your self get out there and see what the world has to offer for you! 15 yrs. is long but i am sure you will find someone that can appreciate you for who you are! GO FOR IT!!! GOOD LUCK!