Guarded the faces
leaning flat elbows in corners
lashed by raw shadows
felled by the timbres of forests
Smiles sealing fissures in fables
voiceless to hushed ears that listen
In what silent pastures still rooted
do wings render flight to the dusk
and whispers on thresholds find answers
to questions that die here unasked
They wait at the sepulchral entrance
to lie in the disengaged shadow
and ask for the axe to be measured
by dry sightless wells of their eyes
Arrested the throbs in the walls of the temple
lungs no longer lift to the weight of their hunger
Strident the warning exhibit
vortex of torn wings descending
raping the tired broken harvest
the bone from the marrow uncovered
Do waters still flow in the channels
carved by the hard fisted muscle
warmed by the noon sun that slumbers
cooled by the black rains that follow
2007-08-01 19:17:02 · 5 answers · asked by Psychic Cat 6 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Poetry
The soles of feet find no comfort
in following pathways of ashes
the bones bend to taste a new blossom
and bleed on an earth frozen over
2007-08-01 19:18:24 · update #1
I ran out of space!!! Sure I've seen longer poems than this! This is my sister's first poem. You might compare it to the one I posted: "Comments on this reflection?" What a difference in subject...I'd appreciate your comments.
(She has been published since this one.)
2007-08-01 19:22:17 · update #2
On her behalf, thank you Mutya P<(she has been published), & Doctor Watson.
I also posted in philosophy for the creative answers in that category--you should see 2 of the first answers!
2007-08-01 20:00:40 · update #3
Now she really will! That was supposed to be: "The soles of OLD feet find no comfort."
2007-08-01 21:03:01 · update #4
Moon>Thank you!
Willow>"..seemingly effortless rhythm that doesn't lag once." That's what I thought, having taken the seminar with her. Although I have no talent for poetry. I understand how important "voice" is. It needs to be read aloud for the music in it, even if the metaphors aren't related to.
Also, this poem was published.
Brandy B>It IS long, I agree, but consider some other poems of even greater length. I agree with appeal to "certain sort of folks." That's the beauty of creativity, the same thing doesn't appeal to everyone. Nor does it need to.
Dr. Watson>A "critique" from one who truly understands poetry.
Now the worst of times--to choose since this is growing whiskers--
2007-08-07 17:45:39 · update #5
Lovely, lovely, lovely. I especially enjoy the seemingly effortless rhythm that doesn't lag once. Rhythm is problematic in my writing, so I love this, especially read out loud, it just rushes out of the mouth. This is the sort of work I would love to read with a class and get everyone's perspective, perhaps this will be read in poetry workshops someday, it is that good, and as I said, a superb example of rhythm. Well done! Thanks for posting this psychic cat!
2007-08-04 08:32:11 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
A bit heavy, perhaps too much so for some. I think it would appeal to a certain sort of folks. Very interesting though. Certainly deserving of another read.
2007-08-05 01:10:20 · answer #2 · answered by Brandy B 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have vivid picture in your poem. Every detail is clearly written. The mood is consistent. Nice poem. You must join GroundReport.com and have it published there. Before you know it, someone might find your poem interesting and you will get paid for it.
Cheers!!!!!!
2007-08-02 02:26:20 · answer #3 · answered by Mutya P 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Her first poem? That in itself is impressive! She certainly has a gift! I'm quite sure my first poetic efforts were no where as good as this poem is.
2007-08-02 02:46:11 · answer #4 · answered by Doc Watson 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Her heart must be smiling :)
Loved the first part, going to read the second part, now.
2007-08-02 03:57:41 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋