My wife filed for divorce in mid May and moved out a week later. She got her own place and we pretty much care for our kids 50/50 (more me, but I want to be fair(kinda) . I found out recently that the guy she's having an affair with stays there when the kids are not with her. However, just last week she took my son boating with this guy and I was so pissed! She didn't ask our daughter to go,(she was with me) and my son called me the other day and said he thinks he heard him in the morning while he was at her place, and he was pretty freeked about it. I think this is so wrong to do this so soon after she left. I know it hurts me emotionally, but I can only cringe at what this would do to our teen kids if they knew all that she is doing. I want to run a background check on him! Damn it! This is so F'ing screwed up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2007-08-01 17:49:01 · 21 answers · asked by da_catcar 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
My answer will give you no comfort, because nothing will. People going through a divorce aren't sane. Not even close. You see folks that have been normal sane people get weird. Sunday school teachers howling at the moon- naked on top of city hall. The guy that only drinks on the 4th of July starts killing bottles before noon, and tries to sleep with every bar hog in the county instead of coaching little league. And a spouse you thought you knew suddenly acts as though they are possessed by evil spirits or space aliens. So, what do you do???? And, this is why there is no comfort. There isn't a damn thing you can really do. Sure, you can try talking to your wife, you can go to court, contact friend of the court-or even hire an attorney. It won't likely change anything, or help much. All you can do is TRY to hang on to your sanity, and work HARD to help your kids get through this crap. One bit of useless advice- don't let your wife see that her antics are bothering or hurting you. It probably would just encourage even more outrageous behavior. This period WILL pass. Eventually, your life will be normal again. You'll even sleep through the night. The trick is to survive without committing murder, becoming a drunken junkie, or ending up in a funny farm. You'll get through this- cuz you have no other option. Sometimes, life just sucks.
2007-08-01 19:10:21 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
My friend is dating a guy who is divorced and in his divorce papers, it was stated that there are no sleepovers in the house with the children. That means, your new girlfriend or her new boyfriend are not allowed to sleep in the same house when the kids are there. I've seen this cause some crazy measures for them (sleeping at hotels, neighbors house, etc) but they STICK TO IT. You have to get a lawyer or create your own seperation agreement where your demands are stipulated. You can't control what she does or who she sees, but you can have some control over what goes on when your kids are around.
The boy may have heard him in the morning but that doesn't mean he slept there. Don't think the worst. If he did sleep there, maybe they used an inch of morality and kept it from the boy.
2007-08-01 18:08:44 · answer #2 · answered by Ade 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As a woman myself I think your wife could have done things a lot better than she did. I would have first asked my kids how they felt about another man being in her life so soon. But that's just me. Anyway running a back ground check on the guy might be a good idea for you. But if he does have a bad back ground doesn't mean you wife is going to leave him. I know you are mad right now but calm down. The best thing to do is have a sit down with someone like a mediator and your wife and kids and get some input on how to handle the situation the best way.
2007-08-01 18:00:51 · answer #3 · answered by loumamma 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
sounds like a lousy situation. I'm still married and have 3 girls... nobody has run out yet. She shouldn't have this guy sleeping over - that's wrong. Maybe you should have your kids with you. You have ever right to know what strangers are going near your kids. You don't know this guy from a hole in the wall. Tell your wife to mature a little. Is there anyway you can fix your marriage and have her come back home? do you want that? If all else fails, confront this sob and chase him away
2007-08-01 18:19:37 · answer #4 · answered by Champ 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well first of all breathe and think for a second. I definitely feel you on that one, she really needs to open up her eyes and think about the kids especially if they are at a young age, at this time kids will not understand whats going on, so she will have to at least work with them and try and help them cope with the whole situation between you and her. She shouldn't make the situation worse for them by taking another guy this soon into her home. I know this situation is tough and I am going through it now myself, in time things will heal and things will get much better. Don't worry about her and what she does, worry about what she does with your children and worry about their well being, cause in the end you still have to raise them and be there for them. I wish you the best of luck and hope that you can get through this without any more drama.
2007-08-01 18:04:01 · answer #5 · answered by tikiman_14 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There are many things coming into play here...
Your children, your heart, and your love for her and worry for her. Its going to be tough, but you will have to just talk to her and really work on letting go. I know its hurting you... you cannot believe how quickly she is moving forward, and you also, for her sake, and your childrens sake, want to know if this guy she is seeing is a good guy. I dont see anything wrong with that, but at the same time I would have to say that you are crossing a line. You two are not together anymore, and she is free to see whomever she wants. Your concern now is your children. You should sit her down and tell her how you feel about the safety of your children and leave it there. Easier said than done, I know, but you dont want to be intrusive...
You both are responsible for the well being of your children. Things didnt work out between you two, ok, but you have to be a team for the kids.
I hope everything works out for you... I really do.
ps: try talking to a therapist to help you get past the pain, or even just a really good friend.
2007-08-01 17:57:50 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
whoa darlin. calm down. You can't run a back ground check on everyone she sees. And I agree it isnt a good idea to have the kids knowing any guy or guys are staying over. I do know that you need to get your head on straight here and not flip and calm down darlin. Irate isnt good for the kids or you either. Maybe you can write her a letter if u cant talk calmy and just ask her to please not submit the kids to men staying over so soon. At some point your going to have to deal with it either way. I wish you all the best and try to stay calm and not say things in front of the kids. They take in everything.
It will calm down in the next few months.
2007-08-01 17:57:13 · answer #7 · answered by jungljn 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
you need to talk to your soon to be ex about what your son said to you about possibly hearing him in the morning. It is a valid concern, but you have to approach it with dignity and not accuse. He only siad he thinks he heard him he didn't SEE him there - so you don't know for sure.
Although you can't stop her from going on outings during the day with her new guy, you can, in your temporary custody agreement, mediation agreement or however your state works when it comes to separation - agree no overnight guests when the children are in one or the other's care....
and don't stoop to the level of net detective - that is not relaiable, andall you are going to do is cause a whole lot of problems. She has moved on, get into counseling if you need to - but resolve this without losing your cool.
2007-08-01 17:56:25 · answer #8 · answered by allrightythen 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
well, she's a freaking idiot. If she were my mum, I would be pissed at her. but, she's gone now, let it go, it will take time, but think that she isn't worth it. you need to tell her that it's WAAAYYY to early for the kids to already have a ... i dont know what to call them, the affair guy. but, it seems that you care for your children & that you are a nice guy, & you know what? It is most probable that she will break up with the darn guy. just think of it as karma--- do unto others as you would like them to do unto you says the bible (hey! consider looking into it, it's pretty cool in there) .
but, remember to talk to her about it being too soon for the kids. good luck
2007-08-01 18:11:56 · answer #9 · answered by wallflower 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Of course you are angry, it's expected...but sadly, there is nothing you can do about it. Her personal life is just that. If he's hurting your kids or something like that, then it becomes an issue. She can have whoever she wants stay the night and can introduce him at any time to the kids. Yes it hurts, but she has apparently moved on. You need to do so too. Concentrate on your kids and make them feel loved and don't worry about what she is doing. It eats you up if you do.
2007-08-01 17:55:29 · answer #10 · answered by traceylenore 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋