Did I do the wrong thing at work?

Question

I've been working at a "child care facility" for about 2-3 yrs now. The people i'm close with now are the same people that got hired around the same time i did - we're all about the same age - 3 girls (including me) and a guy. This guy is straight up very blunt and "horny"...he just says things and we're all used to his personality; you either play along with it or ignore it - he's very "open" with those 2 other girls (touching, etc...) but with me, i let him know my boundries and he's been respectful.

These past few months, I've been very vulnerable - been going through some "confusing adult issues". He was being sensitive to my needs but at the same time flirting more. One day, after a meeting, we ALL hung out and he made a complete disrespectful move on me. I wasn't intimidated but i just knew i didn't wanna see him for a while.

I let my boss know that I didn't wanna work/ be near him at that time. It happened OUTSIDE of work so it's not like she could do anything...but she did. She wrote a letter to everyone in the faculty talking about harrassment. I didn't want to get it THIS far. He's done nothing to me at work and i know she was trying to protect me, butit wasn't really any of her business.

One of those girls is just "disappointed" in me b/c i "told my boss"...she said that this guy will never be as "open and friendly" again...and she thinks i'm gonna get all of us fired...AS FAR AS I'M CONCERNED, MY INTENTION WAS NOT TO "RUIN" ANYONE, I DID WHAT I HAD TO DO AND I AM NOT INVOLVED IN MY BOSS' ACTIONS - going beyond what she had to do.

Do i do the wrong thing?

the thing i told my boss was that i didn't want her to schedule me with that guy b/c of WHAT HE DID OUTSIDE OF WORK...as a woman, my instinct was to protect myself...even though i KNEW something wasn't gonna happen...he didn't harass me at work EVER...soo that's what i'm confused about

Answer 1

He made an inappropriate move on you even if it wasn't at work. By your boss sending the letter to everyone, I think she handled it correctly. She's letting her employees that inappropriate behavior is not allow in her business. (And in a child care facility where little kids can see this behavior) If this helps to make him not as "open and friendly", then all the better because from what you said he goes over the line. He was in the wrong and hopefully this will be a wake up call for him to behave himself and give you girls respect.

Answer 2

OK...I think you did the right thing by letting your boss know, however, I don't agree with your comment about it not being any of her business. You went to her with your problem which at that point made it her business. She had to do something about it, because if she didn't and something happens it would become a liability issue making her responsible. As for your friends, you need to explain to them how uncomfortable and awkward he made you feel and if they don't understand and accept it, are they truly your friends? I like joking around and having fun with people I work with, it can actually make you look forward to going to work and helps you get through the day easier but it sounds like he might have taken it too far, even though it was outside of work. You set your boundaries with him and he went beyond that. He owes you an apology....not the other way around, so don't feel guilty about anything. This will pass and everyone will forget about it. But he won't forget that you are sensitive and he won't make you feel awkward anymore. You can tell your friends that nobody is going to get fired...your boss would have already done so, don't you think?

Answer 3

No you didnt do the wrong thing. Your boss should have consulted you before sending the letter out as she should have known that it would put you in an awkward position.

And as for your friend saying that you would all be fired!! FOR WHAT exactly she is talking crap and you shouldnt listen to her. She is more than likely jealous that this guy put the moves on you.

This guy should not be acting this way around co-workers. It is inapproprite both inside and outside of work especially when you made it clear that you were not interested. He is lucky that he has had this warning before he really overstepped the mark.

Dont worry about this. Your boss obviously didnt think you had done anything wrong and you shouldnt think that you did either. She may have been aware of his behaviour for some time and was just looking for an excuse to warn him.

Answer 4

No, you did the right thing, and so did your boss. You WORK with this young man, and even if the 'harassment' was done outside of work, it does effect you 'inside' the job ... and if he got in 'trouble' then maybe it's time that happened ... because what you described him doing to the other girls was probably 'low level harassment' and he just 'upped it' because he thought that since it happened outside of work, he wouldn't get in trouble for it. If the young man gets fired, that is fine ... it's legal to fire someone who sexually harasses a workmate. If you or the other girls get fired, then you should hire an attorney and sue the daycare ...
By the way, this is a DAYCARE, and you take care of our 'smallest and most helpless' ... and do you really want this man working with KIDS if he can't respect you and/or your co-workers? You may have done a 'very good thing' and I wish you didn't feel so guilty about doing it. You count, and so do those kids you watch ...

Answer 5

Unwritten you most certainly did not do anything wrong. Harassment is harassment and if he has a history of harassing female co-workers at work and outside of the workplace then your employer most certainly has every right to be made aware of this. If anything was to happen and one of the other staff or a new staff member were to lodge a harassment complaint against this fellow it could have far reaching repercussions on your boss also. Besides you may have just saved his job and reputation in reality regardless whether he believes it at present or not. If possible discuss the situation with him and let him know your reason for reporting him. Also explain that you never meant for anyone to get into trouble but that he needs to cease this behaviour immediately or he could find himself in bigger trouble. As for your co-workers being angry with you, they too will get over this and before you know it they'll have something else to be pissy about. Good luck and wise decision in my opinion.

Answer 6

Well - what is done is done. And you know what? He needs to understand the extreme sensitivity of harrassment. If this doesn't teach him, he might go on to another job with co-workers that aren't as understanding and forgiving. HE is to blame... not you. He overstepped his boundaries. He needs to learn that... and he might as well know it now. No one is exempt from the harrassment issue... you can tell raunchy jokes to your girlfriends and they can report you.

It is time for your group to grow up and realize that there are rules in the real world of work. Your boss is protecting HER job and her place of employment from potential lawsuits. If you didn't want her to know, you shouldn't have told her. If you felt uncomfortable at work, then it DOES become her business....

SO.. what to do now? You have to act like an adult. Hold your head up high... and tell your girlfriends that he has NOT been fired... it doesn't even sound like he got written up... your boss merely is covering her tracks so that she doesn't get blamed if you ever decide to file sexual harrassment charges. This is part of the real world... tell your friends that it is important that you all maintain a professionalism both on and off the job...

And maybe its time to stop telling your friends at work everything... and let them know that they too are subject to being charged with sexual harrassment by any observer in and around the facility if they allow this boy to do what he does with them.

I think you are lucky you got a gentle nudge for a wake up call.... and he should be thanking you for stopping him from doing something stupid in the future... with anyone.

Answer 7

I would have told the guy to back off and if he did then that would have been the end of it. I would not have escalated the incident to this level just yet. You must have some type of personal relationship with the guy to have been with him on off hours in the first place, so why not talk to him and let it go if he agreed to stop the objectionable behavior.

Answer 8

suitable he's fairly mushy! So, use it against him. no longer in an average way, in basic terms play together along with his game. He should not be dishing it out if he cant take it! while he says "get a clean jacket", say "Oh ok thank you trend police.. or, And what, get one on the goodwill such as you probably did?" And while he says "you may desire to shave" say like, "Whats the subject you could no longer improve any facial hair little boy" or, "Are you my female pal". rather, blow off his comments, and turn them around so they make him appear like an fool. women like adult men who're effective and humorous. once you talk back to dude, say humorous issues, dont over think of what you're saying, shop it short, and be effective! coach the chick it doesnt worry you. Win her over. Make him experience like he's dumb. Smile and chuckle...

Answer 9

thats why shes your boss. thats her job. and he doesnt belong there, he needs to be at a bar at a hooters joint.
Its very hard i left my job of 4 years with 3 children and a good job at that, cause a man would stop touching me. Thank the lord ur boss did do it cause it could of and would of gotten worse for u i promise. thank her,

Answer 10

I think you did the right thing because it is highly inappropriate for someone that works with young children to behave like that. I wouldn't want to leave my child in the care of someone like you described.