he likes to stay out late, he lies and chases girls, we have talked and i almost left but he still wants me.?

Question

were in our early 20s and have a cute little girl thats a year old. we have been married for almost a year now last fall in 06. this year he started school in jan, and quit his job the same day and we had our church help us for a while cause he got way behind, than he started a new job a couple months later and thats when it all started. there was this older gal there flirting with him and wanted him to cheat on me and he would tell me everynight but he wouldnt stop it than i found her number and email address and i emailed her a dirty email and she stoped. than shortley after all we wanted to do was be with his friends and stay out late and we were fighting all the time and i almost left. i have always trusted him before and always let him go do things but i kept catching him in lies. in march i went to go stay at my sister in laws for a month 2000 miles away just me and my daughter and after like a week we were getting along better, i came back and the first week was good intil i

until one day i was online and found that he was looking up porn that on his email i found that he had an account to the adult friend finder which is a sex single site, i almost left again he was deniing it at first than came clean nothing happened cause u had to pay to meet the girls on there.
he works the late shift until 11 or 1 and i thought i heard our truck driving around so i called his friend and he answered and was being sooo weird and said he was at work , well i didnt believe him so i went to his work around midnight and saw that no one was there i came home and he still wasnt there than he got home at 1 and i came in and asked , u just got off? he said yeh. u didnt go over to your friends? no. than i said well i was just at your work and you wernt there and he was saying he was!!!!!! i told him im done and not putting up with this so i called my mom so she could fly up and get me and he heard. he started crying and saying im sorry i want you here. than..... alittle while

later we got into a fight and i said im not sure if we should be together. he got kinda phisical with me. before he would hold me down and left marks on my arms, this time he grabbed my hair and yanked it back and yelled at me and was freaking out. i left to my friends which her husband is my husbands friend also and he talked to him and said he needed to go. i went home and started to pack, i hated that i was going through all of this. we talked and of course i stayed. that same night i came back he left to the bar and came back with a girls number in his wallet. i got pissed and we fought and he said i told her no and she kept asking so i got her number. which i think is BS. anyways later on i found that he joined another single site but i wasnt sure when he joined this one and he denied it but i just let it go i was just so sick of everything. he lies ALL the time. for a while now i have been wanted to leave but he wants to stay and work things out. i found out a couple weeks ago

that his friend said he was smoking weed with these lowlife pot heads.and i talked to him about it and he denies it. but i dont believe anything he says anymore. that same time him ,me and his friends went tubing on this long river and we got into a fight and he was sooooo drunk.so he floated down without us and i ignored him than it was going on a couple hours so i went down to find him and i saw him with a whole bunch of single guys hitting on some girls and i saw him signeling to a girl to take off her top!! i was in shock than a min later he sees me and waves and i wouldnt talk to him and he was being a jerk cause i wouldnt talk to him.
sooo all this stuff has happened and i was about to leave, the last week he has been nicer to me and being more open with me and in a long time we kinda have been getting along. but i still have a trust issue. im worried he might go back to his old ways. he has been phisical and selfish and rude. and when he gets mad he calls me bad names,but he

can be a sweeheart too. i feel like i can do better but yet i want him. what should i do. what do you think he is going through, and are guys like that always like that???

oh and by the way, he was NOT like this at all when he met. he was the biggest sweetheart to me and did everything and anything for me, when he moved in with each other it started with him calling me names and telling me to shut the f up when he didnt do oit before. i didnt even know he was a smoker when we met and i dont like smokers but he hid it from me for a few months untill i found his smokes. so things were good but than they slowley ended up bad and it got real bad when he went to work in march 07.

ok i put earlyer that things were going good for like a now. now last night he called and asked if he could stay out late with two of his guy friends and told me there names and i said thats fine cause i know them and like them and i asked what time he was going to be back and he said i dont know tell 4. i was like ummm thats kinda late what are you going to be doing for 5 hours that late? he said just hang out and play vidoe games. i asked if he could be home around 2 cause im still having trust issues with him and he no its just them its fine and than we hung up . well around 420-430 i felt him getting into bed and i asked did u just get home and he said no i got home around 1 (all am too) and i didnt believe him he even changed his clothes out in the hallway,so i went down stairs and checked the car and see if the engine was hott and it was and our daughters car seat in the back was moved to the very back so 3 people could back there as well as one in the front, and his sun roof was

open too. i asked him about it and asked why the carseat was removed and he was getting mean and wouldnt tell me. i started to cry and he said quit being a baby, stop. i didnt do nothing! he said after like 10 min of nagging about it he finally said he had to take 3 people home from work and there all roommates. sounds dumb cause how do one of them not have a car, how do they get to work. i know not him. anyways i went to sleep and in the morning he was acting like nothing happened which he always does. i have many times set him down and talked to him about many things, and he wont listen he gets mad and says i dont want to talk about it now. he wont ever talk to be about anything either.this stuff drives me farther and farther away fromm him. i know i shouldnt be treated like this. what do you think about the whole night that just happened?

Answer 1

I have to agree with Mike, he is a player, get out now while you can. He is NOT going to change. I know what I am talking about here. If he cared about you at all he would NOT treat you like that. You deserve to be treated better than that.


I answered your question after you had wrote the first two parts. I came back just now to see what else you had wrote as I knew that you was not finished writing yet.

Too say the less I was not surprised as to what all you said was going on. Honey all I want to tell you is you just need to get your daughter and get the heck out of that house and now. I know that you think that you love him, that is not love sweety. I, myself put up with a lot of garbage with men that I really thought that I loved. The last guy that I had, I loved him so much and every time that he would take off to the bars and stay gone for days on end, I worried so much about him thinking he was in a ditch dying or something. He was just with some bar fly having sex. He would deny it, say he was sorry, on and on and on. Now he was never mean to me as far as hitting me or calling me names. I did leave him, I bawled like a baby when I did leave him, just because I did love him. You know after I did move out, I found out that he had been seeing 12 other women including me...WE WERE LIVING TOGETHER. He had even asked one of them to marry him! Most of the women that he was seeing were bar fly's. I have been gone from him for a year now. We still talk and still see each other from time to time.....but I don't love him any more. You need to find a man that treats you with respect and that loves you. This man does not know what those words mean at all. He was like that before you met him and he was hidding stuff from you from the word go. Now what you need to do is get out of there, go some where that it is safe for you and your daughter. Go get an attorney, file for a divorce AND child support. If by some chance that he will not leave you alone, then get a protective order against him as well. If you have any brusies on you, get pictures of them. This man (if you can call him a man) is so abusive with you it is not funny. He is menatally, physically, and sexually absusive with you. You are going to get yours and your daughters life ruined if you don't get out now and stay out. Your husband needs some very serious help in the worst way, the kind of help that you can not give him. At the rate that he is going, he is going to end up killing one of you. Just get out of there before it is too late for you and your daughter. He is abusing your daughter with him doing the way he is doing. As far as him asking you to stay and he will change...honey that is a lie. If he was going to change he would have done that WAY BACK WHEN. He is not going to change at all. He is just saying that so that you will stay.

This all makes me want to just reach in this screen and pull you and your daughter threw here to safety and jack his jaws at the same time for being such a jerk! And another thing, if you ever need someone to talk to, I'm here. I know that it is hard to leave someone when you have feelings for them, but he is just trash, pure and simple. THERE IS A BETTER LIFE OUT!! So please leave him now!

Answer 2

You just wrote to us a receipe for a divorce. How-
ever since you both are young in your marriage
he has to grow into it. Sit down and have a long
talk with him and let him know what it is that you
exactly want and expect from him. Let him know
the things that you do not like that he is doing and
tell him he has to change or else. You have a
child that you need to be paying attention to and
picking up the pieces with him all the time will
cause a distraction in your child's up-bringing. It
looks as if he is getting a little too physical with
you , as you should not tolerate abuse by him by
no means. Stand your ground, let him know how
you feel, seperate for awhile if need be and give
the chance to change and if he does not then you
need to move on with your life as you and your
child deserves better than that. Remember you
deserve a happy life and so does your daughter
and if your husband can't make you happy then it
is time for you to move on. Good luck.

Answer 3

You married a immature boy in a young mans body.. plan and simple.. he has no clue how to be a man yet, let alone a married man.. U are his security blanket.. he doesnt act like a married man, yet he doesnt want to be a failure and be alone.. hun, i promise u, if u attempt to work this out with him and he stays on the same path as he already is.. as soon as a girl comes along that really "wants " to be with him, more so then a possible relationship, he will leave u..

Just read the rest of ur details.. great he's an abuser as well.. Girl get out now, it will only get worse.. he will cheat on u, and when u bulk he will physically hurt u to scare u into staying.. LEAVE IMMEDIATELY!!!!!

Answer 4

Honestly its probably because she doesnt want to hurt your feelings. She is actually probably a very nice girl but just doesnt want a boyfriend right now. A lot of times when guys keep asking about a boyfriend it makes girls uncomfortable and scares them off. Because she does care about you she probably doesnt want to have to tell you that she just isn't interested. Believe me I have had many great guys go after me that are such sweethearts but sometimes they is just no that chemistry and for the guy knowing that he can't have the girl always keeps him going back to her. They best way to catch her interest is act like you just really don't care at all and once she knows you aren't interested in her anymore maybe she will be up to the challenge to try and get you back. Hope this helps!

Answer 5

U need to leave him cuz if he gets physical with you, then one day he may get physical with your daughter! U know he won't always stay a sweetheart bcuz once a cheater, always a cheater!!! All girls deserve someone who will love them and treat them right and you shouldn't have to put up with all that crap he is giving you! Thats from my view of things as a 20 year old guy. They say a mans weakness will always be women, but once he creeps, he cant be trusted. And once trust is gone in a relationship...theres just nothing there anymore.

Answer 6

good job in teaching your daughter to have men treat her like crap yes he wants you because you will put up with it and he knows you would come back every time and have that slut as well not to be mean but girl what do you think you are doing bad example to teach your daughter.you are the role model for you daughter would you want her to stay with a man like that? no you would not , not if you love her you would probably say leave run don't look back you can do better you are a smart and a beautiful lady well take your advise be strong and show her how much strength you really have to get out of bad relationship

Answer 7

It is apparent that neither of you were ready to marry and have a child at such a young age. But here you are, and of course dealing with the consequences. Once someone breaks your trust it is difficult to get it back like it was before. Your husband is not acting like a married men. Married me don't frequently stay out late at night with their friends, although there is nothing wrong with this from time to time, they need time with their friends. But he needs to stop excluding you from his plans and needs to grow up a bit and realize his priorities should be his family. I would highly recommend counseling as a couple. Otherwise I doubt your marriage will last long, given the level of immaturity and past trust issues.

....

After reading the rest, it is very clear he is an abuser and things will only get worse. If I were you I'd get out now before things escalate with the physical abuse. What he is doing now (holding you down, pulling hair, calling you names) is just the beginning. His is displaying classic abuser behavior and you need to protect yourself and your child from future abuse because it will happen and each time he will be "sorry" and cry that he wants you to stay. But trust me, it will happen again and again if you stay and continue to allow this behavior.

Answer 8

He loves you but is that enough for you,it shouldn't be because there is more to a marriage then telling someone you love them how about showing you.You and him are so young he hasn't had any fun yet and he is going to have that fun with or without you.You are letting him have his cake and he is most definitely eating it to. In order to show him you will not put up with his s h i t you will need to leave him,that's the only way for him to see how serious you are about this.Remember you are the only one that can put a stop to his behavior no one else.

Answer 9

of course he wants you, you cook, clean, take care of the baby he can show off. if he is treating you like this now and you put up with it it will get worse as time goes by. He will stay out all night, maybe for days, what will happen to your beautiful little girl if he gives you AIDS? dump the jerk

Answer 10

Wow, what a gem of a man you have! A liar, a cheater, and all in one year too. And, you're actually considering staying with that creep? I'm pretty sure you need to get yourself into therapy so you can find out why you feel the need to abuse yourself further.