What do you guys think of this poem?

Question

Do you ever feel like you should be more?
There should be more fire, in your eternal core
Maybe that you should be the amazing
And not the normal man racing
Against time, dreams, failure, and hope
The man that doesn’t feel like he’s at the end of his rope

Do you ever feel like you should be more?
Feel like you’re bigger than a child at four
Something closer to a man
One that’s not drowning on land

Oh do you ever feel like you should be more?
More than a shadow
Something bigger like a frog rather than a tadpole

(THERE WILL BE MORE ADDED)

Do you ever feel like you should be more?
Someone who doesn’t feel like they are tore
Into two pieces both destined to fail
One that wants to sit still while the other sets sail
If you are not one then you are two
And there is nothing here for you
Because if you are going two ways
There is no light for you today

I said do you ever feel like you should be more?
Someone who isn’t so sore
That he doesn’t have everything
And just goes about helping the suffering
Not this kid overwhelmed with fear
Fear that his failure is near

Oh do you ever wish you could be more?
More than a child who cries
And hides and doesn’t become wise
More than a kid who wants the world
More than the kid who puts down his sword
The kid that cowers away
From the world of today
The kid that is afraid to set sail
Afraid that he’ll fail

Do you ever wish you could be more?
More than this kid who worries about himself
When there are kids with no one left
Kids who have had to struggle and fight
Kids that didn’t have parents to tell them wrong from right
Kids that didn’t have food or a room to stay
Yet he still feels that he’s lost HIS way
He doesn’t know struggle, not the real kind
I wonder what he’d feel like if he didn’t have anything to hide behind

Oh do you ever wish you could be more?
More than a kid who has a door
Into the world that’s for grasping
But he doesn’t move because he’s lapsing

Do you ever wish you could be more?
Than the kid that had the world
Oh do you ever wish that you could be more
Than the kid that didn’t know how fortunate he was before

Answer 1

To answer your question, "yes, I do feel like I should be more." However, you could have expressed this question with more brevity and it would have had much more impact. To ask the question in such a drawn out matter is a reflection of an ironic one-liner that I created and has made the rounds on the internet: "I can't seem to express my lack of brevity no matter how many words I use."

So, your question is a good one...see if you can trim it down to where its brevity "makes the point" of the question, instead of the antithesis.

You've got a good ear, so use it to make something easier to remember and more to the point. Trust me, you have the ability to do so and if you pull it off, you'll have a powerful poem.

Answer 2

Amazing, absolutely amazing. Really makes you question your own life. Insanely beautiful, and very well written.

Answer 3

amazing i love it it makes me think about how life is and what is and the lives of the others around me keep writing poems :]