i feel so AWFUL AWFUL AWFUL......?

Question

Can somebody NOW tell me that EVERYTHING that happens is MEANT TO BE(happens for a reason)?
if so, there is no such thing as UNTIMELY DEATH...
like all those poor souls that perished on the minneapolis birdge collapse....
i feel so BAD
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Answer 1

Hey dear Enki! Cheer up. Nothing's meant to be. But it happens. Certainly we should do what we can to change what we can change - but those things we can't change we must live with. That's life. And whilst it is constructive to empathise with others, it is inappropriate to take on personally the anguish of the whole wide world - or selectively only what is closest. Anyway dear lad, it's usually a sign of projection - why do you need to feel so bad? What in yourself are you grieving for? As it happens, "awful" seems inappropriate in this case. So far on the news it seems relatively few were killed on the Minneapolis Bridge (3 to 7?) and the kids on the bus escaped Hundreds die every week in Iraq; thousands weekly in South Africa; Palestinians have suffered for decades; most of it avoidable with wiser policies in the West, especially USA - and so it goes. Perhaps you can understand why, having lived through World War 2 with survivors of World War 1, and the London Blitz, etc, I found the American response to "9/11" rather infantile and narcissistic. I grieved for those innocent victims - but in perspective. There is so much to grieve for in human history. I think we should identify with all of it, and not merely for whatever is closest to identify with. But don't pay the bill alone. Know you have company. As we used to say in Oz - "Dip yer lid -- and move on". To change what you can, and endure what you can't. (It was a saying from the Ozzies in the slaughter of Gallipoli and Flanders)

Answer 2

I know this won't help but all the talk of accidents as a random and unavoidable situation is shallow.

We take risks everyday, some high some low. Driving across a seemingly good bridge is pretty low risk but it is there. Jumping off the bridge on a bungee cord pretty high risk, but we make the choice.

The real question: is the risk worth it? Would I jump in front of a speeding car to save one of my children? Without hesitation. Would I jump out in front of a speeding car to save some stranger? Not near as likely.

Do I wash all the vegetables with a 10%bleach solution because e-coli was found on spinach 6 months ago. Nope. Do I make sure the pork chops are cooked thouroghly before serving to avoid trichtinosis? Every time.

We can avoid almost any bad thing, but to avoid it means you will not enjoy very much, and wether life is short or long it is what you made of it that counts. Some teenagers die after having a great and full life, some 70 year olds have done nothing but sit around thier whole lives. The only person who can truly say you led a great life is yourself. We all die.

Answer 3

Enki...as others have pointed out, the ideas of "everything happens for a reason" and "Everything that happens is MEANT TO BE" are not identical. Cause and effect is not the same as *ill will and intent*.

Yes, it's sad that this had to happen, that the bridge in Minneapolis collapsed, but so far, it just seems to be an accident. People were in the wrong place at the wrong time trusting a seemingly solid structure to *not fail* when it *did*. People, mothers and fathers and their children, all die for such random, nonsensical reasons. It really does make you wonder if we were *made* for this world.

(email me if you need a hug, or someone who will listen to you, ok?)

But....so far, it really does look like this was more a random accident than anything else. Not that this makes the deaths "right" or any less sad, but it does make them less horrible than others where people hunt each other down and kill one another, as happens every day in Darfur, in Iraq, in places all over this world. At least the loved ones *do* get to say goodbye to the friends and family that were lost on that bridge.

And I know, it's scary. My older sister was terrified of bridges for years, everytime my family had to drive over one, she'd curl up in the seat and cover her eyes. I know.

So yeah.....do what needs doing, feel what you need to, never mind the bible-thumpers and the hard-hearted people here who likely haven't had their caffiene as yet and could care less. Get it done. Pay your respects....I will too in my way.

Just try to remember. Life is for the living. We do have to carry on. This too shall pass. This tragedy, as sad as it is, is no license to *quit*. You know what I mean.

Email me if you need to....if it gets too bad. I will likely be online again this evening and will listen.

Take care and stay safe. And don't let other people judge you for having a feeling heart that *works*, ok?

Answer 4

Things do happen for a reason, but are not necessarily "meant to be" <---I think this part is bullocks.

People misconstrue the phrase, "things happen for a reason" and think that it implies the reason always benefits themselves or is within their own control. Not so. For example, the Minneapolis thing? A coincidence. Being in the wrong place at the wrong time. Absolutely devastating for those families involved in the deaths, but still a reason...and one that obviously doesn't benefit those who passed on. But, I can think of ways these "circumstances" may get reflected in some positive way in others' lives. Can you? Another example? Good people getting very seriously ill. Not within THEIR control. And, the reason? They have simply contracted a horrible illness.

But, Enki, I'm sorry you are feeling so badly about this....I have the same reaction to much of what's on televised news. Often it's portrayed a certain way so that people generally have this reaction. Glorifying tragedy (sometimes) at the expense of facts and feeling helpless as a result, not my thing. I try and steer clear of televised news--pick and choose what I want to read on the net.

Here's one internet hug for ya k? >>>>>>>

***Huggzz*** ........ and ..... ok, here's two .... ***Hugggggzzzz*** :-) :-)

Answer 5

Enki, please search your heart and tell me the reason as to why you feel so bad. Is it because you feel sorry for the people who died prematurely? In which case you should be feeling sad all the time as innocent people are dying all over the place .... Darfur, Iraq, BangalaDesh , SriLaka..... the list is endless. Do YOU?

The truth of the matter is that when some such thing happens in the neighbourhood certain realities dawn on us. When something happens far , far away we feel we are insulated and that we are safe. When this happening is near then we feel threatened . We fear that it can happen to US and at anytime. We feel that it can happen to our near and dear ones and that is unsettling.

It is this FEAR of our death that creates the awful feeling and not the feelings for the dead. It is true and there is nothing wrong in that. It is at this point we fall back on philosophy and all that self cooling thoughts. We forget that the simplest solution is to understand that Death is ineveitable and not worry about. It is better to snatch life from the Death everyday rather than live under the shadow of death every minute.

Answer 6

yes.
everything that happens is meant for some reason.
some reasons come before the scene and some don't.
Allah knows everything and what is occuring in this universe has some reason and we humans sometimes don't know the reason that is beyond our imagination.
everything has expiry time and when that time comes ,no one can stop that and it becomes a excuse for the death.
you can not die before your death time and not after.
yes.
lady diana died in an accident that was aweful for all fans of her . but the show must go on.because life is like stage where everybody has to play his role.
he who has gone, will never come back and life does not stop for him.
we should be regretted on the death of every human being regardless of any religion.
control your nerves, if you have phobia means death phobia then try to keep ourself busy in different creative activities.
usually those who live alone have same problem.
i had also but was recovered when i was close to my religion , very close.
loss of life of an human gives very bad feelings and time is the healer of all bad incidences

Answer 7

Accidents happen. It might have been fate, or just at the wrong place at the wrong time. I don't believe all things happen because it is meant to be. what about war? september 11? minneapolis? such great tragedies cannot possibly have positive effects.
I believe you meet the love of your life because you are meant to.
I also think that you cannot become a great arquitect because it's meant to, but because you work hard to get there.

Answer 8

Children all over the world starve to death on a daily basis. Donate just $10 dollars a day and you can save 10 lives, and provide them with decent living conditions. The only differences between their deaths and the deaths on the bridge are concrete and steel, and relatively instantaneous death for the people on the bridge, and sympathetic reactions from a whole country - but a slow, lonely, and excruciating death for the starving and neglected, which no one will really remember at all.

Answer 9

This may not be much of a consolation, BUT think of the millions (many of them infants and small children) that die everyday around the world (not only due to accidents, but even more lamentably, preventable conditions such as hunger, war, and disease) that YOU do NOT hear anything about, because "somehow" to us they are not even newsworthy! :-( ... Risk is inevitable; absolute safety, on the other hand, an elusive human illusion. Accidents, as unfortunate as they maybe, do (and will ALWAYS) happen; I, for instance, just lost a precious friend of mine to a tragic plane accident. :-( ... Risk is built into the very fabric of Being, and as such it is BEYOND Meaning - it simply IS. Whether We choose to adorn "everything that happens" with an appropriate human meaning, is merely our temporary humanistic prerogative. ... It is only human to mourn, but Awful shall not stand, this too shall pass, perseverance shall prevail, Evolution/Life goes on (at least for NOW) - our broken hearts though may take a while to heal. ... May their families in time find peace.

Answer 10

There are many events that occur on a daily basis that can cause us to mourn--such as war, pestilence, diseases, even the tragedy of loss from natural disasters, those who have lost all possessions. We don't know why things happen. I have conditioned myself to accept what God brings forth to my life--even though sometimes I struggle with my humanity, just like everyone else. I cry. I deeply mourn. But, I also know that my knowledge is only limited in scope, and in no way comparable to most anyone, even on this forum! I react, but I also know that we have to move on in this life or we will find ourselves trampled by unforeseen events. There is an unknown quote I found today: "Life is lived in the present. Yesterday is gone. Tomorrow is yet to be. Today is the miracle." We have to look beyond sadness or sorrow and even negativity or we will become a product of our own thought-processes. Goethe wrote: "Nothing is worth more than this day." I tend to agree with that, and wish to accentuate the positives.