My wife went to a counselor because she said she was unhappy. The counselor suggested adoption or foster care. Now even though I told her I was against it she keeps setting up meetings with an agency.I'm 48 and we have been married for 21 years and have one 15 year ol. I am not real good with kids and have no desire to put up with another kid in my house. I expressed these feelings but she still doesn't get it. I feel that this could lead to problems where there weren't any in our marriage until now.Any advice?
2007-08-01 15:12:45 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Find the energy to speak up and make yourself heard. There must be another way for her to volunteer or interact with children to satisfy this need. Don't let it take over your life and marriage...a social worker just gave you proof how serious this is.
Be a man speak up.
2007-08-01 15:27:28 · answer #1 · answered by Danimal 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe your wife is really missing something in her life. This may be a way for her to fill the gap. How does your 15 year old feel about this? If your child is siding with you then your wife will need to understand that this is not right for your family. But being a foster parent may even bring some added joy into your life. I would suggest that you being attending the meeting at the agency with your wife so you can get a better feel for it. If you are totally against fostering a child, ask her if she would settle for fostering an animal. There are many animals in need also!
2007-08-01 22:28:11 · answer #2 · answered by dm 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is the marriage she isn't happy with. It could just be her. If she isn't happy with you or your 15 year old, then how is it that another child will make her happy? She will be doing this for the wrong reasons!
First of all, husband and wife both to agree on the decision. If one agrees and one doesn't, then this should not take place. If you already told her that you are against this, then she is going against your words and doing it anyway behind your back, which to me is called being dishonest.
You already have problems in your marriage, so both of you need to work on your marriage before doing anything else. Fostering kids is a lot of work. What is more important your marriage or adopting a kid? That's what you need to ask her.
Your marriage is in trouble, so you two need to fix it. I would consider on reading "The Proper Care and Feeding of Marriage."
With her being unhappy, you need to find out what is making her unhappy.
2007-08-01 22:24:32 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
There were problems with your marriage before this adoption was brought up. You said it your self. You sound as though your 15 year old is a burden to you. In your own words, "have one 15 year old...have no desire to put up with another kid in my house". How do you think that child would feel if they heard that? No you don't need another child until your marriage is better than it is. Those children in foster homes have gone threw enough already without going threw any more.
2007-08-01 23:08:31 · answer #4 · answered by SapphireB 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
As a social worker in foster care I understand how you are feeling. I have seen many marriages break up due to the conflict of raising foster children. It is unfair to you, your marriage and to a child unless you BOTH agree to be foster parents. Please sit down again with your wife and explain that it is isnt what is best for the adult but what is best for the child. She should understand that a child in foster care came from an already bad situation and should not have to fear going into another one.
I hope this helps.
2007-08-01 22:22:11 · answer #5 · answered by wendymartin1 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
you really need to express everything you just said. even the part where you said you dont want to make problems where there arent any. also stress that you already did the kid thing and some day theyll have kids. its a bad idea to give in if you feel so strongly about it. because it will cause problems and you may start to resent her for it. she really needs to thimk this through. if you are a stressed individual who needs peace also address this to her. what i suggest is talk to her about maybe getting her a pet. ive never had kids. and i want them badly. but one day i came across this puppy who is taking that place for now just fine. he feels like my baby and he makes me happy. ive never seen such an awsome dog.
it cant just be any dog either these things take time. she needs to find a dog that when she see it she knows. i dont know what it was but when i saw my dog i knew. now im not gonna say he wasnt aggravating because he was. we had to replace carpet, a mattress and a couch. but he settled down as he got older and neutered and hes awsome. atleast he wont talk back and hell probably make you happy too. hope i helped. i would never force marriage or kids on my man. we both have to want it together otherwise there wont be harmony. show her this if youd like. ive learned these things through experience
2007-08-01 23:12:59 · answer #6 · answered by solas lethe 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A child is a 2 parent responsibilty and if you don't want one that should be it.
If she won't listen when you speak to her privately, the speak up at these 'meetings' she arranges. Maybe she'll get the message.
Do be prepared though. Her maternal instinct is obviously so strong that she's in denial of your feelings in the matter.
She may leave you.
2007-08-01 22:57:00 · answer #7 · answered by Irv S 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋