Im married for 3 years now and feels like my husband never treated me as a wife.He never take me somewhere.he never do anything to please me.Instead , he bought some things for somebody and he never bought me anything.And he tried to tell me it was for me .Its not even my size.Our relationship now is in jeopardy since i told his mom he was trying to grow marijuana inside the house .He said it was over since then.I work i do all the things in the house and all he have to do is set down infront of the computer watching those naked womens.He said he dont care what i think thats why he's doing those stuff instead of taking care of the family. I told him many times i wanna a divorce but i always give him a chance.We have 2 kids together.All he cares are the kids now.Im out of the picture but still im the one paying the bills , do the things in the house.He said he dont love me anymore.He said we have to stay together for the kids even if we dont love each other. What should i do?Pls help
2007-08-01 14:28:01 · 23 answers · asked by Jade_2317 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
"Make your home the happiest for your children"....Unfortunately, it's not all as easy as some people think it is. You are unhappy, he is unhappy, the children see that. How can that be good for the kids? You ABSOLUTELY DO NOT HAVE TO stay together for the kids if you do not love each other if the other partner is not willing to work things out and make changes to the relationship. Marriage is a two-way street, it is a UNION. Your marriage is not a union.
Suggest to him counseling. If he refuses, you have the option to go to therapy yourself and have a therapist help you learn how to deal with this behavior while staying in the marriage, or you can divorce him which would force him to take care of himself instead of having someone else take care of him.
Yes, divorce is very hard on the kids, but so is being raised in a home where it is obvious the parents loathe each other. It teaches the children that it is okay for a marriage to be that way. It teaches the boys that it is okay to treat their wife like that, it teaches the girls that it is okay for her to let the man treat her like that. Your children are learning how their relationships should be by watching the two of you. NOT a good position to be in. And since they see your unhappiness, and your spouse's unhappiness, they are not happy either.
It's six in one hand, half a dozen in the other. Neither one is a good choice, really, but in this case you have to pick the lesser of two evils. And in this case, it's either stay in what IS an abusive relationship (abuse is not ONLY in the form of physical), subjecting your children to a lifetime of bad relationships of their own, or separate/divorce and get out of this abusive relationship and give your children a chance to find out what REAL relationships are like.
2007-08-01 14:39:44 · answer #1 · answered by Lady Raven 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It seems he was never really ready to marry you; looks like he's not ready to take on the responsibilities as a husband and just sees you as a convenient girlfriend rather than a loving wife. I think your husband hasn't matured so maybe it's best to first try to convince him to go get some marriage counseling together. If he's not willing, then it's best to divorce him. You can't force someone to mature when he obviously doesn't want to grow up. Yes you have to think about the kids but you also have to think about yourself...if this man doesn't love you and doesn't want to work things out...he shouldn't be your husband. I rather not give your kids the fake impression into thinking everything is okay between you 2 when it's obviously not.
2007-08-01 14:35:45 · answer #2 · answered by Knowing 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Children grow up and model the people they marry after their parental role models. Staying married only for the children, in a home such as this is surely no good example for your children. Do you want your son to become like his father? Or your daughter to end up in the same situation as you? Although staying together for the sake of your children has its advantages, it could have its disadvantages too.
Life is too short for you too stay unhappy like this. Children can be happy outside of a marriage too. Is your home currently a "happy" environment for your kids? If it isn't, what is there for the kids to stick around for?
This man is using you, and it seems like your too scared to be on your own, that you keep on giving and forgiving. Stop allowing yourself to be walked all over, sweetheart. Take a step back and figure out what is REALLY best for you and your children, and stop listening to his selfish lies.
If you really must stay married, seriously consider couples counseling. If he will not go, then go yourself. A certified counselor can help you decide what is the best option for you and your situation.
Just make sure that whatever happens, the children realize that it is in no way whatsoever their fault.
2007-08-01 14:36:17 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Staying together for the "kids" sake, has never helped any kids.
It's better to be "from" a broken home, then to be "in " a broken home.
Kids can not be happy if there's alot of stress in the house.
They tend to find ways of blaming themselves for the problem between mommy & daddy.
You want to teach your children to love.
How are you going to do that if you 2 don't even show love towards each other?
Then your kids will grow up thinking it's ok to not be happy because their mommy & daddy weren't happy.
And believe me the kids know when you're not happy.
I know this because I have been through this.
I tried for 4 years to stay together for the kids sake, because my ex was a wonderful dad, I thought it would be better for the kids for us to stay together.
I was willing to give up my happiness for my kids happiness.
What I didn't realize is that what I gave up was "me". Who I was.
And my kids noticed that too, even as young as they were.
They were 7 & 9 at the time.
After about 1 year of us separating someone asked my daughter how she liked our apartment, we had to move from our house into an apartment. She told them that she loved it especially because "mommy's always happy now".
I didn't realize how miserable I actually was in my marriage because I had lost my self.
You are not doing the kids any good by staying miserable.
You need to be happy. So that they can be happy.
Good luck
2007-08-01 14:53:54 · answer #4 · answered by MommaBear 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
See, the worry with the "properly, a brother and sister living co-dependently could desire to appreciate the comparable advantages" means that no 2 straight away human beings have *ever* abused the marriage device while they weren't in a romantic relationship. yet a sibling couple doing so could nonetheless be legally "married"; they'd not then, in turn, be allowed to marry all people they have been actual romantically involved in without dissolving that partnership, with all the legal problems a divorce could reason. I mean, i think if a brother/sister pair (or brother/brother or sister/sister, have been gay marriage legal) wanted to pass into right into a lifelong, non-romantic legal partnership, effective, they could conceivably call for they be granted marriage rights. yet such partnerships could be extremely few and lots between, as i think of the social stigma of annoying you be allowed to marry your sister could in all risk suppress that team. A extra pertinent question could be on the thank you to shield the style of members in a marriage. If marriage is unfolded from the place this is now, then there is the question approximately no count number if polyamorous unions could desire to be legally regarded. And if we then expanded marriage to allow, say, 4 individuals, then what approximately polygamists who experience socially ostracized because of the fact they have a 5-way relationship? Polygamists and brothers desirous to marry their sisters, in spite of the shown fact that, characterize a tiny, tiny fraction of yankee society. Homosexuals, together as nonetheless a minority, type a great way extra beneficial. beginning up marriage to comparable-intercourse couples, i've got faith, is a thank you to offer those romantic pairings the comparable legal rights that are presently enjoyed by using skill of comparable partnerships, together as minimizing the exchange to the final device. effective, the "slippery slope" argument can nonetheless be utilized, yet in basic terms because of the fact beginning up marriage to homosexuals could desire to open up a much bigger can of worms would not recommend this is not a good and staggering situation to do.
2016-12-11 07:40:22 · answer #5 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Leave him.
He says you need to stay together for the kids? Hmmm Do you really think they are better off with him in their life full time? he grows pot in your home!!!! He is putting them at risk everyday. Plus, if he gets caught, those kids could be taken away from YOU and put into foster care.
What example are you setting for your children regarding what a healthy marriage should be like? A husband that doesn't love his wife and treats her poorly?
You obviously have proven that you can take care of them financially on your own. For the sake of your children, as well as yourself, you need to move on.
Good luck! I think you'll do just fine on your own.
2007-08-01 14:38:21 · answer #6 · answered by candy'sroom 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Oh, Good Gawd, get rid of his stinkin' lazy @ss and stop listening to him and stop giving him chances - he is never going to change. He will always sit there and abuse you as long as you take it. He is no good. I wouldn't do a darn thing for him - don't do his laundry, cook his meal, nothing. Just do for you and your kids. If you pay all the bills, then you stay and divorce his lousy butt. And make sure when he leaves he takes his marijuana plants with him.
2007-08-01 14:37:19 · answer #7 · answered by Annie 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's already left you so to speak. Your relationship was over long ago. Go on with your life with someone else or go it alone for a while.
In the future when you tell someone you want a divorce; don't just use those words idly, you have to go through with your promises.
2007-08-01 14:39:22 · answer #8 · answered by eileenmaxxam 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's controlling. You're enabling. Seek therapy. If he won't work on the relationship, then there is nothing to save. It's only 3 years. You're lucky it's not very long. Make yourself happy. Nobody else is going to do that for you.
2007-08-01 14:34:17 · answer #9 · answered by Zeltar 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well if he wants to stay for the kids that means he can at least stand you. Try being loving toward him. Be caring, appreciate what he does do (care for his children, bring home a pay check, etc.).
You need to work on being a wife and try to work this out. He obviously wants something to do with you since he hasn't left.
2007-08-01 14:33:20 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋