My husband and I r constantly arguing. I found out the other day that he was messing around onm me while I was pregnant w/ my 6-mo-old. I dont know what to do. If I leave him then i have nowhere to go. I am going to college full time, and have a 2 year old and 6 month old to tend to. I dont work, currently, and have no babysitter, even if I did. What do I do?
2007-08-01 13:45:45 · 12 answers · asked by Mommy-fied 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
If you have nowhere to go, then you have no choice but to remain in the relationship until you can get obtain gainful employment. In the meantime, take birth control and try not to get pregnant again. Hopefully, he won't divorce you before you are able to get on your feet. But, you will need to start looking immediately.
2007-08-01 16:06:32 · answer #1 · answered by Sondra 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
get counceling together. somtimes your marriage will come out of this stronger and you'll be closer together. if you'd rather just leave him without trying or you don't think you can forgive AND forget...then leave him and go stay with a relative so that you can continue on with your life.
But in order to go on with him if thats your choice, and your counceller would tell you this too, you need to forgive and forget. It's easy to forgive and want to try, but the forgetting part is harder. If you constantly bring it up after deciding to try with him, it won't work. If you're always thinking about it and wouldn't be able to trust him again, then it wouldn't work.
Ask yourself...everytime he's late from work or doesn't call when he says he will or goes anywhere without you, will you think he's out with someone else?
You will figure out what you need to do. I mean yes, think about the kids, but too many marriages are still together and unhappy because of the kids and thats the only reason. If you love him...try with him. But like I said...make him go to councelling and go with him. There must be other issues in the marriage which brought him to do this unless he's just that type of guy. Which I don't think he is or else he would've been doing it the whole time.
Good luck
2007-08-01 13:55:35 · answer #2 · answered by gymclasshero 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow... honey, I am so sorry to hear this. Does your man even feel bad about what he did? Does he want to try to make things right? If so, then I would definitely try. I would just make some very strict rules and guidelines for him to go by and let him know that he has completely lost your trust. Let him know that it will take a lot to get it back (assuming that's what he wants). If he doesn't feel bad and doesn't want to work things out,unfortunately you probably don't have a choice. Marriage is a two-way street (and a VERY rough, bumpy one at that). It takes a lot of work. I would also suggest praying long and hard about your situation. Either way, I wish you the best of luck.
2007-08-01 13:53:29 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I was a PEN away from divorce last winter...I read a few books once I had successfully bought myself a few months of steady abstinence, I bought a book called, "And They Were Not Ashamed" by laura M. Brotherson. it is fantastic in several ways.
http://www.strengtheningmarriages.com
it will help understanding as to why he may have cheated as well as solidify your relationship with him on a spiritual/emotional and physical way. it will help YOU understand HIM and how he does things as well as take any fo the nag out of you and the BS out of him...TRUST ME HON...it is worth it big time!
this is NOT a dr. laura thing where it trashed women from one corner of the world to the other or belittle your efforts..it simply recenters and rechannels your focus as well as his!
AND IN FACT...it doesn't matter if HE doesn't read the book...if YOU do..the changes YOU make will influence him to check it out...he will want to know how you went from 2nd gear to 4th gear and how you improved...remember how guys are...
we know we're wrong..but he is waiting for something from you that you may NOT EVEN KNOW about..it isn't that he is waiting for you to improve..just change a few things...and if he sees that....he will come back to the guy you married...but both of you have to see those changes in each other..
it takes 2 to tango and you have to tell me more so that I can see WHY he would cheat..there are reasons...I am not putting this on you....every reason he would tell me for cheating is probably 75% irrational...but the ROOTS of what is said..may have merit and THAT is where the focus needs to be,,
2007-08-01 14:02:34 · answer #4 · answered by juanes addicion 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Plan your exit carefully. I know it would kill you to stay with someone when you are secretly hating them inside. Now, you don't really have a choice, and the children come first. Stay ther while you can, when you are able to do better, I am sure you will. No man deserves my time when he has been caught cheating on me. There is no forgiving that or turning back.
2007-08-01 13:56:57 · answer #5 · answered by Special K 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry to hear your situation..I know my suggestion might not be what you want to hear but then I suggest you grin and bear him until you are done with college and have a job because you need him to support and you need his $$$...it may suck but then you need him and that's all you can do because even if you come out and work now i'm afraid you won't get much and you will need to quit school and get a baby sitter and also pay to rent/buy a house and bills. better of just staying...good luck
2007-08-01 13:51:27 · answer #6 · answered by Stanley the Westie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It happens to everybody. he is going by something, and is indignant at you for something. He would additionally be indignant with himself for something and project it on you, by using fact the closest and dearest to him. Take a ruin, yet then come back interior the saddle and communicate over with him approximately it. while my hubster trhows an indignant assertion at me, I call him on it suitable away. i'd say something like, "why are you so indignant?" or "are you able to declare the comparable element withoug yelling or insults?" or "you're so mean and indignant, is each little thing pleased with you? what's occurring?" frequently it stops him in his tracks and makes him the two think of as to why he's performing this form, or tell me what bothers him. Asking in case you have completed something to ofend him additionally works. the factor is to ascertain an open line of verbal substitute, the place you ascertain your hurts, and to no longer swip them decrease than the rug, reason ultimately all that hidden resentment and frustration will blow up in the two certainly one of your faces. good success.
2016-10-01 05:31:44 · answer #7 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand that you have no where else to go, but you don't deserve that kind of treatment and that is not a positive environment for you children, either.
There has to be a better alternative than what you currently have!
2007-08-01 13:50:31 · answer #8 · answered by endo_chic 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Picture yourself two years from now. Is hubby in the picture or not? Also - does your hubby want to stick it out?
Sometimes the rocky times in marriages can make the marriage stronger. Sometimes not. When it makes it, it's because both people want to heal what's broken and move forward.
2007-08-01 13:49:53 · answer #9 · answered by Answer Queen 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
cheating is very serious....i know that it seems like you have no options, but you do.... there are shelters with daycare that will help you get on your feet.... please if you stay and you continue to have sex with your cheating husband, make sure he uses a condom with you each time... girl, you can DIE from him being out there whoring around on you... this is not something to take lightly....not if you want to live a long healthy life....
2007-08-01 13:52:33 · answer #10 · answered by jen4802051709 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋