How do you start the conversation with your teen about turning down drugs and alcohol?

Question

I know I am a big influence in my child’s life. Like many parents, I want to make sure my son is equipped to make healthy choices. Research from the Partnership for Drug-Free America shows that kids who learn consistently from their parents about the risks of drugs and alcohol are up to 50% less likely to use than those who don't. What helpful parenting tips can you share?

As the parent of a teen, I agree parents should talk to their children at an early age about the risks of drugs and alcohol. Research from the Partnership for a Drug-Free America shows kids who learn about the risks of drugs at home are up to 50 percent less likely to use drugs, yet only 31 percent of kids report learning about the risks of drugs from their parents. We as parents should actively seek out and use vital resources provided, such as TimeToTalk.org, be creative about approaching the 'drug talk', and discuss what works and what does not with other parents. Talking with your kids about drugs and alcohol is one of the most important conversations you can have with them. Take the time to research, reach out to other parents and get comfortable about having the conversation and then take the plunge. Best wishes.

Answer 1

Well, the first tip (which may be too late for you, but for other readers) is don't start the conversation when they're a teen. This is a conversation that needs to start by third grade. Sadly, kids are being influenced to try drugs and alcohol at younger and younger ages. If your kids know what drugs are, then it's already time to have the conversation about turning them down.

My kids are 11, 8, and 5, and their mom and I have been making the point about drugs and alcohol since the oldest was in 3rd grade. By that time she had already seen commercials about saying no to drugs and was asking what that was about. That question is a great open door to begin the conversation.

One of the key elements is to spend time with your kids, and always watch for those open doors. Watch TV with them. There are often PSAs about smoking and drugs and drinking on kids TV (generally starting with the TV-Y7 shows). Even if a PSA doesn't come on, look for behaviors in the show that can open a door. And let the younger kids hear you talking to the older kids. The more they hear the message, the more it becomes a part of their psyche.

Answer 2

I work in the school district in my town. We have a program called the D.A.R.E. program. Drug Alliance Resistance Education. A former police officer runs this program in all the elementary schools in my city. A permission slip goes home to all the parents of fifth graders and must be signed by the parent and brought back to the school in order to attend this class. It is an awesome program discussing drugs ,alcohol, cigarettes and peer pressure. We see movies, we also do some role playing. The children are shone how people react when they are on drugs and what they do to your mind and health. The kids are really well informed. When they get done with the class they have a booklet that they have filled out during the course of the class. They get to keep this. Also, at the end of the course ( I'm thinking the class lasts about 6 weeks) there is a graduation ceremony that takes place for the kids and the families are all invited to come and pizza and refreshments are served for those who want them. The class is 1 hour a week during school hours. By the time these kids leave the program they are very much able to discuss all the negatives that can happen around doing drugs and alcohol. I think the younger you talk to them the better. Kids know a lot more than you think.

Answer 3

A former police officer runs this program in all the elementary schools in my city. A permission slip goes home to all the parents of fifth graders and must be signed by the parent and brought back to the school in order to attend this class. It is an awesome program discussing drugs ,alcohol, cigarettes and peer pressure. We see movies, we also do some role playing. The children are shone how people react when they are on drugs and what they do to your mind and health. The kids are really well informed. When they get done with the class they have a booklet that they have filled out during the course of the class. They get to keep this. Also, at the end of the course ( I'm thinking the class lasts about 6 weeks) there is a graduation ceremony that takes place for the kids and the families are all invited to come and pizza and refreshments are served for those who want them. The class is 1 hour a week during school hours. By the time these kids leave the program they are very much able to discuss all the negatives that can happen around doing drugs and alcohol. I think the younger you talk to them the better. Kids know a lot more than you think.

Answer 4

I am honored to be speaking to you Miss Hart. And to answer your question I feel that it should always be an open discussion. I am 31 and have two children of my own. When I was growing up my mother and I had a very open relationship and I could go to her with anything. She could also ask me anything such as has anybody ever offered you drugs and how would I react if they did. This was the usual way she would start conversations like this. Of course that was always followed with the usual discussion about how bad they are ect... Just keep the lines of communication open and don't sugar coat anything! Growing up can be really tuff not to mention confusing scary ect... And if you start the so called teen issue discussions He/she will be more comfortable talking . I suggest you try to make a point to have some time each month to connect to your child over say ice cream or a walk around the neighborhood this way there are no interruptions . Good Luck Your kids are lucky to have such a concerned parent not to mention the role model you must be to them.Ask him if he has any questions for you about it. And maybe ask him how he would feel and what he would do if he found out that you were drinking/drugging and you were a kid, etc. I find that what sometimes works for me is to get your child to participate in the conversation in a way that you are asking for his/her help or suggestions. As in previously mentioned: "Asking him what he would say or do if HE was a parent- talking to HIS kid. I don't know what age your son is, so you may want to explain the risks of underage drinking or alcohol/drug abuse, but I would suggest to keep it balanced, if there is such a thing. Good luck. I am a new parent, myself, and just recently inherited a 12 year old, so I am dealing with this as well.

Answer 5

My first tip is to not wait until the teen years to discuss drugs and alcohol.

Throughout my children's lives, I talk about drugs whenever it is appropriate. When the subject comes up, either through TV, the news, or the child asks a question, it becomes part of a discussion. I think this is important in demystifying drugs and alcohol.

I think it's important to stress that moderation in alcohol consumption is ok (when legal of course), but drugs should be avoided all together. I think that alcohol, when used responsibly, is not a problem. We must get real here and choose our battles. The last thing I will be with my children is a hypocrite. I drink perhaps three glasses of wine a week, if that. So, it's vital that I let them see that a glass of something now and then is not harmful. It is when alcohol is used in excess that it becomes dangerous.

I also have never done any drugs whatsoever, not even marijuana. So when I tell them that drugs are unacceptable, they know I mean it! However, for the parent who has experimented, I think it a must that the parent comes clean about his/her past. Use it as a tool to explain to the child "been there, done that, here's why you don't want to."

Bottom line: drugs are taboo, but talking about them never should be.

Answer 6

There are two aspects to this problem that bear addressing: timing and information quality.
From a timing perspective, there is no single best time to discuss substance abuse. The best time is all the time, whenever life presents examples that deserve a further explanation. It could be a celebrity being arrested, a wrestler killing his family or when your child asks what cirrhosis is. Don’t belabor the point, just matter-of-factly address the issue at hand and move on. Don’t follow your explanation up with a question and answer session, because you’ll just bore your child to death, and maybe drive them to drugs.
Information quality is equally important. While fire-and-brimstone speeches may cower and deter some children, others will detect that your words are only so much hyperbole and tune you out. Make sure your facts are straight and weighted properly. Preaching that marijuana is the devil’s tool while touting Scotch as the elixir of the Gods may earn you some points with the Drug Tsar, but it will set your children up for failure from the nation’s number two drug scourge, Alcohol. (Number one: tobacco.) Virtually everything your children consume can have harmful effects, including caffeine, sugar, gristle, etc, so by simply framing the issue in terms of healthy lifestyle choices, you’ll be steering your child in the right direction.
You should also keep in mind that these days the internet provides a convenient tool for fact checking and many teenagers will take advantage of it. If your facts aren’t straight, the enterprising teen will figure this out and then your entire message will be suspect. If you are the parent of one of these teens, take the time to research it yourself. If the facts correct you, let your child know that because if will actually add to your credibility.

Answer 7

I do not have children right now, I believe I can offer some useful insight here. I am also a school counselor and have worked with children affected by drugs/alcohol. Since alcohol is a drug, please note the when I use the word "drugs," I am referring to both.

I think that starting the anti-drug use talks when the child is young is best. Candy meth has been offered to children in the 3rd and 4th grades (so, 9 years old or so). If you have personal examples to share, that is great.

Otherwise, show them examples -- what does a person look like after using meth or other drugs? Find personal stories -- many schools will bring in guest speakers. Giving them hands-on, real-life stories puts the stories into perspective.

My parents asked us what drugs were, did we know what drugs did to the mind and body, did we understand what to do if someone offered us drugs, did we know why we shouldn't do drugs??? I think by understanding the Why's and What to do's helps make the parents' push of "NO DRUGS" stronger. If a parent just tellls the child not to drugs cuz they are bad, they don't see orunderstand the actual effects.

Answer 8

Well, the first tip (which may be too late for you, but for other readers) is don't start the conversation when they're a teen. This is a conversation that needs to start by third grade. Sadly, kids are being influenced to try drugs and alcohol at younger and younger ages. If your kids know what drugs are, then it's already time to have the conversation about turning them down.

Answer 9

Don't put it off. Make a date night for it and then just do it. Tips would be 1.) Don't ask them if they ever have, this might make them feel as if you don't trust them. 2.) Make them feel as if trying drugs is something that a lot do because of peer preasure but that you trust that they are capable of saying no. 3.) Let them know that drugs affect people differently, one person may has a tolerance for 3 or 4 beers where another person might not be able to handle one and cover each drug with an example. Fully cover each drug in discussion. I would include to some degree, speed,diet pills, downers, you wouldn't believe how many good and decient kids will try these because they see their parents doing them and nothing happens to them and you wouldn't believe either how available they are. And I am not sure how you feel about this one but you need to find some way of letting them know that if they do try any of these things that they should trust in telling you so. One time when my daughter was 16 she was out and drank some beer and actually called me to pick her up. I ask her why she called me and she said that she knew that I would understand to a certain degree and she felt better going through that then driving with someone who had been drinking. I would rather see her through the trials than to see her in a casket. That is just my view and today have an 18 year old who does not do drugs or drink and has a great head on her shoulders. But try them she did.

Answer 10

I don't have kids, but I work with many young adults and 16 - 18 age group.

If I had kids, the first thing I would do is set the example. I would never use inebriates in front of them. I don't drink or use drugs anyway.

The 2nd thing I would do is spend as much time with them as humanly possible. Attend all school functions, sport events etc. I would also encourage, and help them with the academic side of the equation.

I would encourage anything that has to do with the arts, and participate actively; give academics and the arts as much attention as football.

Last but not least, I would wait for the perfect time, seeing someone drunk, stoned or inebriated in public. I would then explain what is wrong with that person. I would explain that this individual let things get too far. From that point out, I would identify the stoned people, meth people, drunk people, and do my best to make sure at an early age that putting chemicals in your body is a very unhealthy thing to do.

Later on, I would ask questions (in confidentiality) if she / he has been able to recognize any of the behaviors (in school) that I have been showing her. Depending on her answer, I would eventually take her to a hospital, that allows such things, so that he / she could actually witness the long term effects of alcohol / drug abuse...chronic late stage alcoholics that are dying while waiting on a liver donation. (a very graphic and ugly sight to behold)

Answer 11

I try to have a pretty open door policy with my two kids and reinforce all the time that we can talk about anything. I never had this with my parents and I remember the struggles I had. We have had a lot of important discussions over dinner when we go out to eat. I guess this works because there are no t.v.'s, phones, x-boxes, etc. I am open and honest with them, I allow them to ask questions and I answer them and they give me the same respect. I do not talk down to them or berate them, we "discuss" things. My main point I drive into their heads is this; They are responsible for whatever decision (good or bad) that they make. For every action there is a reaction (again good or bad). I cannot be with them 24/7 to hold their hands and protect them. I have guided them through life with the knowledge I've gained over the years in hopes that when the time comes for them to make tough decisions they will do the best they can. If a decision may be the wrong one then we deal with the outcome head on and do not run from it. This helps them to learn from their mistakes (I hope). We have discussed everything under the sun and the big thing is I have listened to what they had to say and then responsed appropriately. My son is now 18 and daughter 14 and seem to be good and well rounded kids. There have been a few mistakes along the way but we got through them together. We are not perfect by any means but we do the best we can and so far so good. I think one thing that helps me a lot is even though I'm now 47, I remember what it was like to be a teenager and I know it's harder now. I use the problems I had with my own parents and try not to repeat them. I do not do the "because I said so" or "you are just a stupid kid" or "grow up", etc....I think you get the picture. Yes, they are my children but more importantly they are people and adults in the making and I should give them the respect I give to my co-workers or adults I come in contact with everyday. They are not mine to control but to guide and then trust them to use it.