Is there such a thing as affair proofing your marriage. Just asking because after being married for 10 yrs. My good freind is leaving her husband. She swears that she thought she would never have an affair. I really thought that her marriage wasn't bad.
2007-08-01 13:09:31 · 19 answers · asked by pbxgirl 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Nope. You can't make someone do something they don't want to. That is a shame, but that is life.
2007-08-01 13:13:34 · answer #1 · answered by I do 26.2 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, but you can try, but I would recommend not looking at it that way. It's not affair proofing - affair is just the unfortunate, usually too late result of the marriage having already given way. Try keep in mind the positive goal of keeping the love and the commitment alive through the changes and stresses of life, and the changes in the two of you as individuals and the changes in your relationship that will come. Nothing stays the same. 10 years it seems to me is a little behind schedule but still pretty average for the people I know for whom it doesn't work out (including me). By that time you either will grow apart, or figure out how not to. My best advice for the both of you is to be conscious of how special what you have truly is and that it can be lost - try not to be fearful of this, but keep a healthy respect for your relationship which won't just continue wonderfully with out care and sometimes making it a priority over other considerations in your life.
One fact of life in the change in relationship over time is sex. Now it's different for everybody but KNOW that is is very likely that your sexual relationship will change, it might be different, not as long, not as sweaty, but it can still be really good and still a key thing that binds you together. Barring times in your lives where significant stresses may really prevent sex for a bit, work to maintain regular sex (how frequently is not important, it's different for everyone, just REGULAR). Even if it isn't as good as it used to be.... I think you'll find that you'll get over that and then find that it has simply changed - find new ways to enjoy it and make it interesting.
If you both cherish your love and commitment .. if you continue to love and enjoy each other sexually and continue to maintain a serious commitment to each other, there will be no affair!
The unfortunate thing is some people just don't believe in this or understand it or the two people involved aren't on the same page or path of development. I think being aware of whether you are still on the page or perhaps are diverging is important and there can be some things you can do to come together and recommitand learn from each other, but it takes work.
The key right now is, can you look your spouse in the eye and you both are really and truly committed to making this work for the rest of your lives? Do you believe each other? Are you both intelligent and heartful enough to follow through? You might not... some people just don't have what it takes, at least not in this decade... some people do learn over time. If you do have it, things will work out well, no matter what. That's the faith part and it is important.
Also, ... it is always possible you can do all of the above and just not be right for each other. Can't do anything about that and if that's the case, you have to acknowledge that, don't feel like you've failed, and move on.
2007-08-01 13:48:07 · answer #2 · answered by Trixx 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
it really is as simple as people coming into your life for a certain reason. everyone has people in their life for a specific reason, and when a relationship blooms, an affair begins. i am extremely against it, but sometimes people aren't married to the people they are supposed to be with. (however, i believe in getting divorced before starting another relationship.) it doesn't mean her marriage was bad. she may not even know what it means. but no, you can't affair proof your marriage. everything happens for a reason. maybe now her husband can move on and find a relationship where he will be happy once again.
2007-08-01 13:16:08 · answer #3 · answered by pikachu 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No you can not make your marriage affair proof. All you can do is hope and pray (if you're the praying type) that you've chosen the right partner and that neither one of you will fell the need to stray, you also need to work at keeping your marriage alive and well. However since we are all only humans we are all prone to errors, not that I condone extramarital affairs just that I'm realist enough to know that they will continue to happen.
2007-08-01 16:59:04 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
sometimes people just grow apart. some people start out seeming to be the best couple you could imagine. but time changes us all, and we all continue to grow far after puberty.
understand that it is not necessarily anyone's FAULT.
be supportive to your friend. don't be judgmental. she made the changes in her life so that her and her soon to be former spouse could actually be happy with someone, not trapped in a relationship that neither was truly happy in.
life is rough, and be married is even rougher at times. some people just aren't meant to be married. i know many people that have become BEST friends after the divorce. strange but true.
there is no way to affair proof a marriage. just be honest with each other and never take advantage or for granted what you have. learn to listen MORE than you talk.
good luck
2007-08-01 13:31:26 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The only person you can control in a marriage, or any relationship, is yourself. If you have enough self control you can avoid having an affair, but you can't ever 100% insure your spouse won't cheat. The best insurance you can have is to make up your mind that you will stay true to your vows and marry a person who values honesty and trust as much as you do.
2007-08-01 13:17:12 · answer #6 · answered by mafiosu 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately you can not affair proof a marriage. Most people who say they would never cheat really believe they won't. But, sometimes when things like alcohol, lowered inhibitions, or spending too much time with co-workers comes into play....I guess it could happen. Though, I am against it.
2007-08-01 13:24:02 · answer #7 · answered by sdgirljen 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, you cannot control someone else.
But, you CAN strengthen your marriage and work on building protective boundaries.
We can learn more about meeting each other's emotional needs. We can control behaviors that damage the marriage.
Often, we take things for granted and allow ourselves to cross the line with other's. So, we need to examine behaviors and protect ourselves and our marriage before those early steps over the line.
A few good books:
"Fall in Love, Stay in Love" by W. Harley
"The Five Love Languages" by Chapman
"Hedges, Loving your marriage enough to protect it" by J.Jenkins.
2007-08-01 15:00:54 · answer #8 · answered by joyh 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No you can not affair proof your marriage it can happen to anyone at any time.I get a kick out of all these women who say (not my husband he loves me he would never cheat on me) if that's not the funniest thing i have heard then i don't know what is.
2007-08-01 13:59:18 · answer #9 · answered by Teenie 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The only advice I can give for any relationship is to do the following:
- choose your partner carefully,
- focus your energy on each other, meet the other's needs before your own. And finally,
- never stop dating. Keep doing as many of the things you did before the wedding for the rest of your lives. Not all the time, but often enough. Keep letting that speciasl some one know she is still special to you.
2007-08-01 13:29:35 · answer #10 · answered by morgan j 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Aside from being connected 24/7, I doubt you could guarantee it. You just never know what is going on in someone else's home. A visiting pastor at our church was talking about the grass being greener on the other side, and he said Even if the grass looks greener, it doesn't mean there is no poop in the yard.
2007-08-01 14:12:15 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋