Are you at your wit's end with your child?

Question

Are you at your wits end with your child?
i am.
so this is the situtation:
my five year old boy was away for 4 weeks w/ his biological father for summer visitation. this dude is a deadbeat, still lives with his parents, my boy sleeps on the sofa-bed with him, they smoke cigarettes @ him which contributed to making my son's bronchitis flare up. i took him to the dr. today and she said he's asthmatic. we don't smoke cigarettes! anyway...that's not the point...that just furiates me....
my point is that my son is TOTALLY disrespecting me. before he left it was like this, but not that bad. now he just pushes my buttons. i'm talking to him nicely and he starts to yell at me. he shoved me off of him today, like get off me bleep. i just feel that he doesn't care for me anymore because his deadbeat "father" put all sorts of thoughts into his head. and i'm not going to interrogate my son about it...that's the last thing he needs. poor guy gets ripped out of my house every other week to rule another house without discipline

Additional Details

3 minutes ago
while at my house we discipline our children. we have sticker charts for good behavior and punishments that fit the crime. so he goes back and forth of the two atmospheres and i feel he's got enough on his plate that i shouldn't put him in any hot seat about who's saying what about whom. but he's just pushing me. he is not looking at me, being rude, telling me no, just not being my boy. he's being my mean boy. i don't know what to do. what i feel like doing is raising my voice and punishing him for talking back to me, but that wont work because he wins if he pisses me off-because that's what he's trying to do. he's trying to see how far he can get with me to see if i can blow up on him. which i am not going to do because that's not the right thing to do. i calmly talk to him, while i'm losing it inside! i don't know if you have ever felt this way with your child. i never have. he's five. i love him dearly and don't want to be stuck in this pattern of him being rude to me

0 seconds ago
because i am not going to let my child run the show. i'm the boss and he wants to be the boss. it's such a difficult situation that i don't know how to deal with. what brought me here was that i was going to help him clean his room, he shares one with his 2 1/2 yr. old sister. so we were all going tohelp. but he started up and i was gonna lose it so i took an extended time out to cool off. i'll go help him now because if he doesn't clean his room he's not going to go to the park tomorrow like we had said we were gonna do if we clean it. ahhhh! help

Answer 1

The joy of parenting. My kids are all grown up now 32, 25 and 22. But I remember when they would attempt to manipulate things and act beligerent also. But what are you doing timing yourself out. He is the one that should be timed out and shown consequences for his actions. Certainly it sounds like his father is being a bad example to him but that does not allow him the right to return to your house and start treating you the way he is. Besides if he is wanting to attempt to punish you it just shows him that he has the power if you allow him to feel this way. Sometimes it is necessary to raise our voices (not often) as it can be viewed as a very last resort and often does straighten the kid out as they know they have really pissed you off if your acting non-traditional. Best of luck and I'm sure that in time, although it may take a few years yet, that he will come around and be a good son. But it is very natural for this type of behaviour at times when kids are growing and trying new things. Good luck to you once again.

Answer 2

I know the situation you are in VERY well. After a few months of this problem here, it finally started to stop. I sat my 5 and 7 year old down and told them that they are not going to come back from their father's and disrespect me or the household. If they continue to do so, they will be punished and will not be allowed to go back to his house bc they do not know how to act when they come home. They know better and I am not going to have it! After a while, they started getting spankings at least once a day for talking back to me and having such a terrible attitude and not minding. After about 3 days of them being back home, they straightened up and stopped completely and I had my kids back. I am strict on mine, and they do not meet anyone without saying yes/no ma'm yes/no sir, thank you, please, excuse me....etc. They have much respect for others. After this, they began crying every time they came back home bc they wanted to stay bc they did not get punished and could do whatever they wanted to. Well, I told them the same thing, and I told their father the same thing bc I refused to have them doing this to me every other weekend. He would teach them the opposite of what I was, and that is tough. I got him in front of the kids and told him that he is going to have to step up and take care of his end of it and we were going to have to work together and if I kept having the problems then I would keep them at home with me. I figured he was telling them things also. It finally stopped and we havent had a problem since. He needs to be punished for disrespecting you the way he has bc if he isn't then you are more or less telling him that it is ok for him to do that and he will keep doing it. In the end you will get no where with it. You have to stay consistant. If you punish him for something, punish him every time for doing it, do not let it slide or he will begin to think he can get by with it.

Answer 3

Been there/done that...ours was that I put my foot down, my ex would ALWAYS wind up undermining my authority and intentions (we were married then, though). You have a hard row to hoe, because the "sperm donor" (aka "biological father") knows how you feel and does everything he can to undermine you. You are right not to take it out on your son, but you are also right to stick to your guns and just be firm. He's only 5 now, and he's going to test you...he wouldn't be a kid if he didn't at least **TRY***...I know this doesn't make it easier, but the course you are following is the RIGHT ONE! Just keep going the way you are, and hopefully, things will mellow out. God bless you and your family.

Answer 4

About the question about are you at your wits end with your kids. I don't have kids yet because I am still preatty young, but when I was a child I went through a difficult stage too -my mom says-. Except I didn't have a dead-beat dad. Anyway, at first since I was her little girl, she just talked to me like you are doing with your son. But since that didn't work, even though it was hard, she started spanking me, taking away privaliges, washing my mouth out with soup, etc.... And she says that now she is glad she did because I use to be a buut head and now she actually wants to spend time with me. Good luck with your son, I know you will do what is best for him.

Answer 5

I would bust him good, engough for him to feel a bit of pain. It is not against the law. I would let him know that I am the boss, and while he is at my home he will do as I say. As far as going to his fathers, well maybe you have a right to put a stop to that, if his father is doing the things you have said. Keep your son away from him.

Answer 6

Every time I would send my son to Grandma's for the summer, he would come back with this same behavior. You just have to lay the law down to him. Do not allow him to disrespect you. Your scum bag ex has filled his head with garbage. Lay down the law and tell him you want your old son back:~)

Answer 7

well me and my boyfriend HAD to go to my 15 year old cousins b-day and he managed to throw a pair of goggles at my head, spill coke on my shorts, and bother the crap out of me. so technically hes not my kid but i was at wits end.