No Sex Wedding Night? Anyone else?

Question

I got married in October following 9/11. My husband wanted nothing to do with me when we got to our hotel because the World Series (game one broadcast live) was on and he thought terrorists would strike. I am still disappointed over this. So let me have it. We didn't have sex until we were 3 weeks married. To this day he still hardly ever wants sex. I am always the agressor and frankly I am tired of it. I don't usually bother him anymore, just play with a toy. I miss this part of our relationship, but we have been together 10 years (married almost 6), it it too late to change his mind about sex?

Answer 1

I didn't have sex on my wedding night, but we were both so exhausted we just cuddled. I can understand the whole paranoia thing around 9/11, but if it keeps happening, that sucks. My husband and I don't really do it too often either, mostly because of him, and I play with toys as well. And then sometimes he will suprise me out of the blue and want it 10 times in a day. People just have to get in synch with that sort of thing. It's definitely not too late to change his mind, he might be just going through a long phase. Hang in there.

Answer 2

My husband and I didn't have sex on our "wedding night". We were married at an outdoor event out of town, and were sleeping in a tent. It was just not a big deal - there wasn't anything different about us being married besides signing a piece of paper; we had been living together for over a year by then. My husband is a lot like yours, he doesn't care much about sex, and can take it or leave it. We enjoy spending time together, but sensuality is not a huge part of our lives. It was suggested to me by a doctor that the lack of interest in sex could be caused by the low testosterone levels - which is a treatable condition. Perhaps you or your husband could bring it up with a medical professional, and explore the possibilities.

Answer 3

Certainly not to late to have him change his habits and attitudes regarding his sex drive. Talk with him in an open minded and honest conversation and let him know how your feeling. If necessary suggest that the pair of you seek professional help from either a sex therapist or marriage counsellor. Sad that you have had to live with this for the past 6 years or so, but everything is workable in a relationship but it needs to be disclosed and discussed in order for things to improve.

Answer 4

He may have health issues that make sex unappealing. If he's overweight or inactive, that can have a lot to do with curbing sex drive. Or if he has diabetes or high blood pressure, or is on any medication for depression or anxiety. All of these things can decrease sex drive.

There are natural herbal supplements that can help, and exercise will help, too.

Answer 5

Yes, it's too late. The 3 weeks is strange, but letting it go for years is too much.

I didn't have sex on my wedding night either--I've read about 30% don't because of exhaustion from the wedding and reception and travel. We didn't wait another 24 hours, though, much less 3 weeks.

Answer 6

Yes when i first got married on our wedding night we had partied to the wee hours of the morning and i had been up almost 24 hours so i was purely and utterly exhausted. i actually fell asleep while my husband changed out of his tux and he didnt have the heart to wake me up. so we made up for it the next morning and day. it sounds like your husband needs to be taught how to be the aggressor. teach him what u want even if u show him with the toy, u are his teacher and he is your pupil. my husband was kind and gentle but i had to teach him what i wanted and then it was magical. if he still doesnt respond then u need to try therapy and see what is really bother ing him. but i gaurantee once he learns he wont disappoint..

Answer 7

I am sorry to hear that for you, you must feel so low!....I didn`t have sex on my wedding night cos my hubby argued with me that his mates had been chatting me up!!!!....not the case!!!!....well maybe, but ,I didn`t act on it....i`ve been married 10 years this 16th of August but been with him for 17 years!.... and TRULY think if he doesn`t want to have sex with you more often then he never will....you WILL meet someone one day who apprieciates and loves you as he should tho....it doesn`t seem the `normal` behaviour for a newly married man, sorry if you think i`me wrong, GOOD LUCK, all might work out for the best if you both PULL TOGETHER AND TRY....x....if not, SORRY, and it`s hard, move on....x

Answer 8

A counselor might help. If he is open to receive help - check out a counselor and then perhaps a doctor - it may be physical. If he doesn't see it as a problem you have a decision to make - how important is it to you? Good luck - 49 and still going strong here so I am glad my lady is too!

Answer 9

Go to a counsellor. If he won't go with you, go alone. I feel bad for you. You deserve to have that part of him. Sex is like the glue that keeps a couple together. It's the reflection of everything else in the relationship too.

Best wishes to you.
Good luck and God bless...

Answer 10

he has changed his mind about sex....... in a negative way. a low libido to me means 'low' in every other aspect of life. if he's active on everything else except sex, either he's got his needs met outside of the marriage or he considers marriage the end of kinky sexy thing that arouses him but a social convention he does out of peer pressure.
i don't think 'playing with a toy' or 'with boy toy' is going to improve your problem. one of these days may be you want to confront his inhibitions either by yourself or with the help of a professional and see the real deal.