To all Married Women (and men i guess) please answer?

Question

How do you deal with any unsavory housekeeping or grooming trait of your husbands/live in boyfriend that you are unable to change long term?

I have a few pet peeves about my fiancee's bathroom rituals, nothing extreme but im not used to living with a man. We cant work it out we have tried! there are some things about me that annoy him so i can cope with these few things but i just need to get over them...how did u do it?

lol...no, its not the toilet seat thing, im not that petty. if he doesnt put it down i can take 2 seconds to do it myself!

Answer 1

You learn very quickly how to pick and choose your battles. You just have to accept there will be some things you will ALWAYS have to do no matter what. For me, it's cleaning the toilet (from drip down the rim pee stains to turd stains) and cleaning his hair out of the sink (ewwww) and folding laundry. If we did things his way - the bathroom would be a disgusting mess and all the clothes would be wrinkled. You will still, after X many years get pissed about these things, but you'll also realize they're not big enough to fight about (you'd rather spend your energy worrying about other things) and it's just easier for you to clean up his mess yourself. Or at least that's been my experience.

Answer 2

Well, I'm pretty forgiving when it comes to housekeeping, and he is a pretty fast learner; so we don't have any major issues. There was definitely some adjusting to do when we first moved in together, but nothing that we couldn't have handled. We identified the problems, and looked for creative solutions. Neither of us likes to clean the house, so we decided to hire a maid to come in a couple of times a month. It's much better than constantly bickering about whose turn it is to mop the floor this week. I took over some tasks completely (cooking, grocery shopping, dishes), so he is never required or expected to do it; makes it simple. He is the breadwinner, and takes care of the bills - works for us. If the only thing that stands between you and your happiness is the inability to share the bathroom - get a place with two bathrooms, and enjoy. Generally, it's easier to make a mess than to clean it up, so unless you are prepared to overlook certain things, it will always bother you. Old habits are hard to change. Good luck.

Answer 3

I guess it depends to some extent on how important the "unsavory" habit or trait is ??
For instance: " I really don't like kissing you after you pick your nose" is probably something you should draw a line in the sand and say "Stop it or it's OVER !! "
On the other hand " It bugs the hell out of me because you leave your toothbrush on the right side of the sink instead of the left side" is something you should ease up on and learn to live with.
If it's the perennial favorite " He leaves the seat up " then all I can say is I wish you luck lady, this ones been going on for a thousand years.
( BTW I leave it down for sanitary reasons. Toilets "sneeze" when you flush them and spread bacteria all over the bathroom if the seat is up )
All I can say is the first time you have a close call with death or almost lose a loved one, your priorities about little things like "bathroom habits" really take a back seat to just wanting to have them to love and hold again.

Answer 4

I may be in the minority here, but I am a Dr. Phil fan. Sure, he gets annoying and pompous at times, but he has some good thoughts. I read Love Smart, and one of the main things I retained is you have to look at the 80/20 relationship. If he is 80% of what you want, can you live with the 20% that he is not?
(and if the 20% is something you can work on, ya got a match made in heaven!)

Answer 5

OK..first, what does not having a drivers license have to do with getting pregnant? Second, there is no such thing as a time when you can't get pregnant. If it's not the right time to have a baby, why are you both so against birth control? To be honest, your question is extremely incoherent and I don't even really understand what you are trying to ask!

Answer 6

My husband leaves the bathroom a mess every day! He steps out of the shower w/o drying off first, so that leaves the floor soaked, he leaves his little hairs all over the counter after he shaves, and globs of toothpaste in the sink! It's gross! Of course I nag at him every day about it, but lucky for me, we have 2 bathrooms, and I use the other one, so it works out perfectly. If you can, turn it into joking, like saying, "Eww! What would you do if your mother saw this?" Think of some clever things to say, maybe he'll get the hint!

Answer 7

Get a place with two bathrooms if you have to. He can have his and you yours....

However, I would suggest that you get USED to living with a man in you are going to marry this guy. NEWS FLASH - he'll still be a 'man' after the wedding, unless you have some very strange pre-nup that includes a castration as part of the ceremony !!!

Answer 8

Right! Pick your battles. Let the little things go and stand firm on the big things. Living together means that you both need to compromise with each other in order to live in harmony. Keep your mouth shut about those little things and maybe eventually you will get used to them.

Answer 9

It might help you to make a list of your husband's positive and negative points. When you see that your positive list is so much bigger it might help you to see that the "little things" really are little. Try to talk to yourself in a positive manner. Tell yourself all the nice things he does for you. This way when you clean up after him it might not be as hard.

Answer 10

I don't focus on the little petty things that bother me - he has so many other wonderful qualities I prefer to dwell on.