you whisk me away,
make me feel like a princess,
walking on air,
everything seemingly perfect,
you are my Prince Charming,
but i don't want to be your damsel in distress.
it's nice having someone to catch me when i fall,
but i can fight for myself,
i don't need your help,
i know you love me,
but let me breathe,
or this damsel will kick your @$$.
2007-08-01 11:52:03 · 4 answers · asked by iANNA! 5 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Poetry
um very nice lol
likein the ending
2007-08-01 11:59:30 · answer #1 · answered by Homie G 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand what you wanted to say, but don't think the "way" you said it was to its best effect. You could have said everything you said in just four lines...like:
"yo, prince charming, I ain't your damsel in distress
I know you love me, but I need some room to breathe
So "back off", or this damsel will kick your loving butt
Now get me my coat, open my door and buy me dinner!"
see how it sounds? If you want to come off demure, you need to maintain that tone...if you want to come off butch, the same rule applies...if you want to be surprising, DON'T OVER DO IT.
rewrite it...don't be afraid to make it rhyme a little to make it sound kinder before you let the hammer drop...just don't use a sledgehammer :)
keep writing
2007-08-03 20:35:20 · answer #2 · answered by Kevin S 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
No! No rhyme. No meter. No sense. No worth.
Sorry, but someone had to tell you. Why don't you start by reading some good classical poetry such as that produced by English Poets Laureate. It is readily available in all public libraries.
2007-08-01 19:04:13 · answer #3 · answered by doshiealan 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
very.....self-less.....i guess
2007-08-01 18:59:36 · answer #4 · answered by evolutionhasitsflaws 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋