Is this sentence gramatically correct?

Question

If it is not, indicate why and please improve it:

Keyser is kept a mysterious character in the movie and the audience never gets to see its face. However, it does get a chance to see his hair and it looks nothing like Verbal’s; Verbal’s hair is short and black and Keyser’s is long and blonde.

Answer 1

looks great to me.

Answer 2

Keyser is kept a mysterious character in the movie and the audience never gets to see its face. However, it does get a chance to see his hair and it looks nothing like Verbal’s; Verbal’s hair is short and black and Keyser’s is long and blonde

Why in the first sentence would you say "its" then in the second sentence you say that Keyser is a boy? Why not just say that he's a boy in both sentences or leave it open as to the sex of the character. A better way to word the last sentence would be:

Verbal's hair is short and black, where Keyser’s is long and blonde.

Answer 3

Keyser is kept a mysterious character in the movie, and the audience never gets to see his face. It does, however, get a chance to see his hair, which looks nothing like Verbal’s; Verbal’s hair is short and black, while Keyser’s is long and blonde.

Answer 4

In the first sentence "its" refers to Keyser.. In the second sentence "it" refers to the audience and "his" refers to Keyser. This is awkward.
I would say" Keyser is kept a mysterious character in the movie and the audience never gets to see his face. However, they do get a chance to see his hair and it looks nothing like Verbal's (etc). "Audience" means a group of people, therefore the plural "they" is appropriate. If Keyser is not a "he" then substitute "his" for "it" in both sentences. I don't think this is improper, but the two "k's" ("Keyser" and "kept") so close together sound awkward. Maybe substitute "Keyser remains a mysterious character...." etc.

Answer 5

Well in the "However" sentence the first "it" should be changed to "the audience."so that it won't be confused with the other "it" in the sentence, since they both stand for two different things. It should look like this: "However, the audience does get a chance to see his hair and it looks nothing like Verbal's..." There might be more errors but that's the only thing I noticed...hope that helps! =]

Answer 6

for one thing i think instead of its face you should put either the character's name or put he or she
but other than that it looks right