Hey Mothers??? Two time mothers.....Please help!?

Question

I found out i am pregnant last night (which wasn't planned, but my husband and i weren't very careful) - anyway, we have a a son who is one year and 10 months old. I always felt that i should have another baby, but not yet. Only when my son was 3 or 4 years old. What do i do? My husband says i shouldn't have an abortion, which is also against my religion. We are financially stable, we have a home, we're settled. I don't know, but i sort of weirdly, feel like i wont have enough love for this baby coming. I feel like all my love is for my first son, and that by having another one, im taking my attention off my son. Is it un motherly of me to feel like i'll love my first son way more then this one, because it wasn't planned?

Answer 1

Subhanallah sister. You mentioned there it is agaisnt your religion to have an abortion therefore you seem like a religious, moral and ethical woman. Having a baby planned or not is a gift from God and you should appreciate that. You are very lucky b'cos you said that you are financially stable and you just said that you have a husband and a son that you already love, so it seems that you come from a loving household. This baby will be fortunate to come into a family like you and of course due to the fact that this pregnancy was not planned you are having doubts. Believe me, keep this child as you may regret it. There is no way you will not love him or her like your first child b'cos that child is your child as well. That child is a present to your whole family why on earth would you not love it?

Answer 2

I felt the same way with my first. I loved my husband so much, I couldn't imagine loving anyone else more--even though everyone told me that the love for your children is greater than any other love.

Then I felt the same way about our 2nd. Turns out, I love her just as much. My kids are very different from each other. I can't imagine life without either.

Now we're expecting our 3rd. My son (the oldest) was not too happy about it. To some extent, because it will change the family dynamics. Here's what I told him:

Before you were born, it was just your dad and me. Ryan and Rikki. It seemed really strange that it would be your dad, me and the baby. It was weird--for a while. It's amazing how a whole new person changes things. Then, it was like it had always been that way.
So, when your sister was on the way, it was strange again. It had been Ryan, Rikki and Will--and that seemed normal. Now it was going to be Ryan, Rikki, Will and the baby. But, after a while, it was like it had always been that way.
Now, it'll be Ryan, Rikki, Will, Eva and the baby and it will be strange for a while, but then what will happen?

He said, "After a while it'll be normal."

Really, it will. It just takes some time. Enjoy it. Each with their own personalities, strengths, weaknesses, behavior problems. But it's all worth it. Don't get too discouraged.

By the way--first one was a MAJOR surprise--I was only 18. Second was planned, third was very similar to your second.

Also, as far as timing, when is the perfect time? I'm not sure it exists. You just deal with life as it happens.

Answer 3

Not a mother but I hope I help answer this from a fathers point of view.

I don't think you'll have anything to worry about. Seems this surprise could be a blessing in disguise. A mothers love for her children is unconditional no matter how many children you have. Each child is special in there own unique way and your 1st is always special just for that reason, but I don't think you'll neglect one over the other in the long run. Maybe a little in the beginning but that will pass,because you'll be too busy chasing after one or the other,

Not to mention the strong relationship the 2 will have with each . Mine are 2yrs apart and are best friends (most of the time)...Your son will enjoy being the big brother.

You'll be fine just having those pre-child birth jitters.

PS... It hurts the 2nd time too!!!! sorry guy humor!!

Answer 4

I am a mother of five. You need not worry about having enough love. You will find that you will love your second child just as much as your first. You will however, love them differently, not more than the other, just differently. Why, because they are two different people with two different personalities. You might need to love one with kid gloves while you give the other tough love, you never know, but there will be a difference in the WAY you love them, not how much.

Your maternal instincts will kick in if you're a good mother. And it will come to you naturally. Don't worry about it and definitely don't stress about it. The moment you set eyes on your new baby you will look back and wonder what you were stressing over to begin with.

Believe me after you have your baby, you will instantly form a bond. And If someone offered to take him off your hands so you can love all you want on your first son, you'd be ready to hurt them. So relax and enjoy your expanding family.

Congratulations and God Bless!

Answer 5

I felt the same way at times during my second pregnancy. It's completely normal to feel like that. But you will find that when it comes down to it, your heart will just grow a little bigger. My second isn't very old yet, but I've found that I can do things with both of them together. We read stories and play house (my oldest is 4). It doesn't have to be one or another. And your little guy that you already have will take a lot of pride in helping you out with the new baby. My daughter sure does. No it's not easy having two. It can be a difficult transition. But having one was a difficult transition too wasn't it? As a mom, you have an unconditional amount of love to give, so don't underestimate yourself.

Answer 6

Your feelings are perfectly normal and understandable. But your 1st son will be almost 3 when this baby arrives. So your timeline is only a few months early. Trust me, you'll have plenty of love for both children. Maybe not time, but love. So if you are going to have this second child, recruit, enlist, and otherwise locate all the help and support mechanism you can build, starting now. An infant and a toddler are never an easy mix, and your time will be stretched to the max for a few years. You will want to consider childcare, daycare, pre-school, Mom's day out, or whatever is available to you for the older one. It will be time for him to begin to interact more socially with his peer group by then anyway, so you will actually be aiding his social and emotional development to allow him some time away from Mom.

What bothers me most is that your husband wants you to abort, knowing it is against your religion, and that you were already planning for a second child eventually. Sounds like the two of you may need counseling ASAP, or your issues may only become more deeply rooted by the time a second child arrives.

Answer 7

no it is normal.. my sons are 6 1/2 years apart... alot futher than I wanted oh well.. I was so scared that I wouldnt love the 2nd like the 1st.. Or that I wasnt ready.. Or that I wouldnt be a good enough mom to two right now..

#2 was unplanned also.. We had just moved into our house.. in the middle of planning our wedding.. Used protection.. Was safe (we thought)... And then we found out..

My son is now 8 mths old.. I love him as much as I do the other.. they both are night and day.. They each have thier own personality.. It is so funny.. My fears are gone..

Answer 8

I have two sons who are two years apart. We were not exactly financially stable at the time and I too was a little scared. My first born son was my life and my light of the world. But I thought of the second pregnancy as a second blessing. As my tummy grew my first son would put his head on my belly and give the new arrival kisses via my tummy..heeee heee. When the big date came, My first son was so fascinated with his little brother. I included my older son in on all the care taking and he was my little "helper" I love both my boys so much and they have personality's like day and night. I love different things about each of my boys and they BOTH bring a great joy to my life. God has blessed you and I wish you the very best.

Answer 9

it will come naturally. Your love is the same for the second, and so on. You feel the same love wash over you when yousee your baby for the first time. It is also fun when you include the older child. explain theres a baby in your belly. let him rub your belly. feel when the baby kicks. and when the baby is born you'll be surprised at the love the older child shows for the baby too. The older child becomes their teacher. You have enough love for both and you'll still have time for your oldest... Good luck... Plus no matter what # child it is you still get all nervous and get wierd feelings. I'm pregnant with #4 and it is crazy...But I love all my children the most in the whole world....

Answer 10

I remember crying the night before I delivered my second son, because "I could never love him as much as Robert"
[ oldest son ].
Well, I was wrong, and God and Nature provide us with plenty of love!
Doubts are very common - so don't worry. Remember all the stuff you worried about the first time? This is just 'bonus' concerns.
When you start showing, start telling your little guy about his new brother or sister.
Get him involved in preparations, and move him to big boy bed before the birth.
Take a present to the hospital for the big guy, from the baby.
When you bring big brother to the hospital, put him in a chair, and let him 'hold' the baby on a pillow in his lap.[ of course, you are right beside him! ]He will look, examine, and probably talk to the baby.
Babies respond to older sibs' voices very well, probably because their mouth is right at baby's height in utero!