Guess the question cannot be much clearer. Just curious as to if anyone has ever said anything or you have read anything helpful after losing a loved one, especially traumatically.
Or what bad things people have said. After my little brother was killed in Iraq a couple months ago, someone actually told me, "Well, it should be easier for you because he has been gone so long. You are used to him being gone..." Um yeah, gone to another part of the world from which he was supposed to be coming back again. Not gone to heaven where he cannot call or write, and will not be coming home again... Horrible, horrible thing to say to anyone!!!
So tell me what you have heard. Basically I am looking for something to make this horrible pain go away, even though I know it will not...
2007-08-01 10:38:50 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Oh that was a horrible thing for someone to say to you.
People just dont realize how hurtful words can be.
They probably meant well, in a strange way.
I am so sorry to hear of the passing of your brother.
There are no words that will truely comfort you at a time like this. Only time and bereavment right now is what you will go thru. Missing him, the what if thinking anger and consumed grief is something that your family will be going thru for years if not a life time.
I lost my daughter to cancer,she was age 7 and died in 1990.
While we was at the cemetery looking for a spot to bury my daughter, the lady showing us plots, said to me, Well at least you are young enough to have more children. I about flipped.
For one, having another child would not take the place of my daughter that I just lost and for another I had a hysterectomy and wasnt able to have more children. That comment still hurts me to this day.
The best comfort I have gotten in when I decided to make a online memorial for my daughter. I also joined a group on Yahoo, named Angel Reminders. We visit each others site on our loved ones Birthdays and Anniversary dates and write comments in their guestbooks, letting them know that we are thinking of their loved anes and offer any support we can.
Again I am so sorry for the loss of your brother and I wish for you and your family that you find comfort and compassion during this most difficult time.
Remember your brother for the brave man he is, I wont say was, because he will always be a part of you.
Hugs, faith
2007-08-01 11:48:57 · answer #1 · answered by faith♥missouri 7 · 6⤊ 0⤋
I am so sorry for your loss.It's terrible to lose a loved one. My mother was sick for quite some time before she went and I always thought it was stupid for people to say well she's in a better place now. That may be true but It just brought it home hard, that her place was no longer here on earth with the family that loves her. Another one was "well, you knew this was coming'. I also heard some other terrible things from people but still can't type them here they are just too painful. The pain of losing someone you love doesn't go away but it does get easier to bear with time. My daughter sometimes paints pictures for those she loved that are now gone. It seems to help her make peace with it all. There are so many different ways of handling grief. Writing your feelings down may help and there are grief counselors who can help you through this too. Sometimes people don't stop to think before they speak. Of course this results in some stupid things being said but overall they mean well. Maybe they just don't know the right thing to say. The best I can think of is 'I am sorry for your loss' I know they are words you've heard before but they are also some of the least painful ones to hear. Live one day at a time and cherish your memories it will be painful for a while but it does get better.
Best of All Things to you and your family
2007-08-01 18:07:34 · answer #2 · answered by CM 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh I am so sorry for your loss. My brother spent 7 months in Iraq-if he had passed away and someone made that comment to me, I probably would've said or done something stupid. It doesn't make things easier-when they're there, you sit and wait for the next phone call, e-mail, letter, whatever. At least you know there will BE one. That person is terribly ignorant and insensitive and should've kept their mouth shut.
I wish I knew how to make the pain go away. Is there a military family support group you can join, for others who have lost ones they love in war? There must be something.
Just be thankful for the time you had with him. Try to keep your life on track-he wouldn't want you to fall apart and miss out on life. It will take time, surely, but you have to go one day at a time. Grieve with your family. Take some time for yourself. Just don't let yourself get lost in mourning.
If I had the words to take away the pain, I would give them to you. My heart, prayers, and tears go out to you and your family.
2007-08-01 17:54:41 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
worst advice: you deserve better
best advise: you deserve better
2007-08-01 17:51:02 · answer #4 · answered by pennylane 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋