So in my attempts to try to combat my husband's porn problem, I have many thoughts. First off I am not that fat. I am like 20lbs over weight. I don't look bad, I'm just not anorexic anymore. My husband tells me he looks at porn because I am fat. My mom tells me to go to fat camp, and the girls he looks at are nothing but skin and bones (i've been there done that).
So this morning he told me he pretends I'm one of the porno chicks while we're having sex. Mind you in the same breath he tells me he loves me more than anything.
People told me not to withhold sex because he will just do it more. So my question is what can I do. I don't want to feel used. I don't want him to pretend I'm someone else. I feel cheap, and this is not what sex is about. If i wanted meaningless I would be a whore.
I decided I will starve myself into the hospital, what can I do to show him how much it hurts? Words don't get thru. I need actions. I thought about suicide....
please help. What to do?
2007-08-01 10:33:25 · 28 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
I really really appreciate all your answers! I'm going to post more.
2007-08-01 10:43:32 · update #1
First get yourself the biggest and thickest vibrator that you can find and leave it in a spot where he can see or on purpose use it and tell him he has to step out the room. If he asks you why you got it or did it well tell him it's simple your too skinny and small down there. Reverse the roles lets see how he likes it. You know that it may or may not be the case but as my sister's therapist says its called "mind fudging" there's no excuse for him not to embrace your curves. if he honestly feels that you are overweight thats for him to deal with. It's crazy that your own mother says those things. Girl let those negative comments roll off your shoulders. Love you first and forget about what others say. I'm sorry but your husband sounds very disrespectful I'm sure he wouldn't like it if you were to tell him that when you rode him you thought about the hot UPS guy whats the difference. Reconsider if this man is truely what you need for your emotional and mental well being. If your not willing to leave him or he's not willing to change step the game up sister and mess with his mind sooner or later he'll quit and know how it feels like or you'll realize that its time to get out. Like my mom says why are you going to hold back when another is willing to be cold. Stand up girl your worth it!
2007-08-01 10:54:16 · answer #1 · answered by ? 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
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2016-07-19 04:45:34 · answer #2 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow! What a story! First of all, your husband was being cruel to tell you that he looks at porn because you're "fat." He should apologize. Second, most men look at internet porn. The question is how much. Maybe he can limit his time and do it more discreetly (One might say he should stop entirely, but I don't think that's realistic). If he has a real problem with it, he should get some help. Third, people fantasize that they're having sex with someone other than who they're actually doing it with all the time. I personally think this is fine, but my God, don't tell the other person! Again, you're husband was being highly insensitive. Fourth, don't "starve" yourself. Eat sensibly, cut out junk food and all soda (regular and diet), exercise more, and lose the 20 pounds. You'll feel better about yourself and be healthier if nothing else.
Your husband sounds like he can be difficult and demanding (and he may be addicted to porn). I hope you two can work things out.
2007-08-01 10:45:10 · answer #3 · answered by Stephen L 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If he’s being that insensitive, you should seriously reconsider your relationship with him. I don’t care how fat you get – 20 pounds overweight or 100 pounds overweight – he should never tell you that he has to pretend that you’re someone else. He is being emotionally abusive, and you do not have to stand for it.
Now don’t get me wrong – he is entitled to his opinion of what he finds attractive in a woman, and he has every right to think that skinny girls are hot. He can tell you that he loves you, and that he wishes you would work out more and drop the 20 pounds (as long as you’re really 20 pounds overweight and not 5 pounds overweight and 20 pounds over anorexic), but he should love the person that you are, and view your body and appearance as a fringe benefit. As you both age your looks will change, and there’s absolutely nothing that can be done about that. He needs to wake up to reality on this issue.
You should seek counseling to help you find ways to communicate with him, and hopefully he will be willing to join you – but he should not be allowed to continue to treat you that way.
Looking at porn is not a problem. Using it as a substitute for a healthy sex life with your wife is.
2007-08-01 10:42:21 · answer #4 · answered by Becka Gal 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow! No offense hunny, but your husband sounds like a scum bag. "I love you, but I pretend you're one of those skinny porno chicks while we have sex" ? What's that? It's one thing to fantasize about having sex with someone else, but it's completely different to tell your partner about it! Fantasy and the real thing are two completely different stories, and it sounds to me like your husband doesn't like the reality of things.
Don't even dream of suicide over this scum bucket, don't starve yourself or anything! It's not worth the trouble, and if he can't tell that he's hurting you now...do you honestly believe a ticket to the hospital will really wake him up? I think not! If you want this marriage to work, you both need to go to couples counseling. You made it sound as if your husband sits there and looks at porn all the time, if this is the case then you have a problem that can't be repaired over night.
The both of you need to sit down and talk this over in a healthy environment. By just bringing it up to him, you're only going to make him feel like he has to defend himself and you won't get anywhere. If he's "too man enough" to go to counseling, I would honestly just tell him that he really hurt you emotionally and this is what you want for the best of both of you. If he still doesn't budge, I would rethink this entire marriage. I personally would not want to live or be married to someone who doesn't find me sexy or attractive.
2007-08-01 10:45:15 · answer #5 · answered by Marissa 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Don't do it. HE'S got the problem, especially if he thinks of someone else while having sex with you. Further, it's just ignorance gone to seed to actually SAY that's what he's thinking. Sheesh! That will leave lifetime scars.
It's inevitable that you will be compared to other women, but women, especially a wife, should NEVER have to be compared to some Internet fantasy. Looking at porn conditions a man to accept nothing less than unrealistic perfection. You both need to get counseling if you expect to save your marriage.
You're in a hard way, and I feel for ya. You want that I should send Guido and Carmine to thump him?
2007-08-01 10:36:04 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
You cannot change him...he has a problem...you have a problem...if he will not change for you, you are not happy. I don't know if I could stay with a person like that, non supportive, calling me fat and thinking about another woman when having sex with me. I would leave personally. He is mentally abusing you. Do not kill yourself...that will not solve a thing, you probably need some counseling (both of you) and maybe a marriage clinic with a church.
2007-08-01 10:39:14 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sweetie your better than that !!!!!!!! Starving yourself or commiting suicide it's going to change the fact that your husband is crazy !!!! Chick on porn are not skin and bones they have a great bodies that any woman can accompish by working out !!!!! But you don't have to change your appearence !!!! You are who you are skin and bones or with meat on your skin!!!!!!!!!!! You seem like a great person and if your husband dosen't know how to value that then I'm sorry to say he dosen't deserve such great women like you !!!! Find yourself somone that will value you for the woman you are not because of how you look !!!!!!!!
Beauty fades and no one is perfect not even the girls on porn !!!! Because if that was the case I would have married on of them !!!!!!! hahaha !! Don't put yourself down !!!!
2007-08-01 10:47:33 · answer #8 · answered by mimi1 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all a man is not worth your life! Girl if you feel and your husband feels that you've gained a few pounds then maybe you should go work out at a gym and start eating healthier and dont mention this to your husband so he can notice your changes...girl to be honest if he this rude to you he doesnt deserve you at all! There are many men out there that would appreciate you and love you the way you deserve...if you need to talk email me at pmbem1110@...Good luck to you girl!
2007-08-01 12:38:01 · answer #9 · answered by pm 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all don't value your husband more than you value your life. You probably need to get some help from a therapist, cause the ideas you are thinking of are not sane or rational. Your husband could use some SA meeting himself. (sex annonymous) I understand that what he said hurts your feelings, but it is not worth considering suicide. You really need to seek some professional help or call 911 if that is where your mind is at!!!!
2007-08-01 10:39:16 · answer #10 · answered by ?? yaddajean ?? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋