I volunteer for an organization that deals with young adults. One of our goals is to teach them some mannors such as saying please and thank you. One instance last night turned sour and required us to ask one of the young adults to leave the building.
It began when I was put in charge of handing out an item. If one of the young adults came up to me usually they said "Could I please have a ..." and I would gladly give them whatever they requested. But my buttons started being pushed by another young adult who came up and demanded something. To which I replyed, "I dont respond to demands, but if you ask me nicely and say please, I would be more then willing to help you." To which he said "I dont even say please to my own mom" At that point I said, "Then you wont get anything from me". Needless to say shortly after he started causing problems, and was asked to leave when he started cussing.
How could I have handled this situation better?
2007-08-01 10:05:59 · 12 answers · asked by calcdffirefighter 3 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
I think you dealt with it very well. That was the only way you could make him understand the importance of respect.
He started acting out because he couldn't get his way. He must understand that once he enters the real world, he won't be able to get what he wants by attention-seeking behaviour or by throwing a temper tantrum - it is better he learns this lesson now than later as an adult.
Personally, by the way he was behaving (like a little child), I would have been tempted to give a time-out. Anyways, you took a step, that might influence a series of good events to follow in his behaviour, you should be proud!
Good luck with those young ones! =)
2007-08-01 10:15:57 · answer #1 · answered by Belle 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A follow-up to the situation would be best. Maybe you should talk to him one on one if you can get to a quiet non-threatening place. If he is calm and eager to converse, you could ask him what else could you have done. Asking him the questions in a gentle way may bring about his realization that he was in the wrong, although he probably knows this already. You need to find out if he enjoys these types of confrontations or if he'd like to have a different life that you could help him achieve.
2007-08-01 10:29:43 · answer #2 · answered by joe 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, it's great that there are people like you willing to work with these kids! I would say that in these situations, you need to pick your battles. If he was trying to push your buttons, he won. But if he genuinely just wanted something and had not been taught the manners to ask for it properly, you may have humiliated him by correcting him.
I don't necessarily think you did something wrong in this situation, but this particular kid might respond better to less direct correction, so, instead of saying, "I don't respond to demands...." maybe you could have said, "Aren't you forgetting something?" (meaning please).
Good luck, and keep up the good work!
2007-08-01 10:17:04 · answer #3 · answered by jenni 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you were lucky that he didn't hit you! Maybe I have a distorted view of whom you are working with. But as a Guidance and Counseling therapist, I worked with very troubled adolescents for 21 yrs, and they would certainly have come close to decking me! The best learning situation that I set up--to encourage regular courtesy and compliance, was set up a token system. Five tokens that could be spent by them in any way they wished--except any violence, nor damage. They needed to comply with these limits in the group session. For each CHOICE they made, they either spent their token on disrespectable, threatening etc., behavior; or SAVED their tokens by adhering with socially accepted bhr. At the end of the group, they could spend the tokens remaining on Danishes (all their tokens); pencils and erasers for less tokens saved. We always stressed that the WAY they treated others, determined their rewards in life.---- For many who have never grown up with socially accepted behavior, tangible tokens and rewards seem the best to get over the idea that in life, we have CHOICES with which to treat others and to get what we want in life!! ---There are many more details that proved productive--but the length here is not adequate! If this interests you, please email me: andmarge38@yahoo.com.
2007-08-01 14:09:55 · answer #4 · answered by Martell 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds to me as though you did pretty well. Having said that, it's very likely he's an angry young man and you might well have asked "What do you gain from not being polite?" Or, "Is there a reason you dislike being polite?" Hard to know.
2007-08-01 10:19:26 · answer #5 · answered by DelK 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm not sure you could. He was just angry that he didn't get what he wanted through his usual means. That you and your organization didn't back down was probably the best thing that could be done for him. Congratulations--you may have planted a seed that could change a life (and those around it).
2007-08-01 10:12:58 · answer #6 · answered by rikkilyn 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree that throughout wide-spread circumstances, the babies could desire to return in the previous the recent spouse. yet it is not wide-spread. That boy is an individual that of course has issues previous in basic terms being a jerk at living house. He grew to become into in detention center for goodness sake. Take your hubby aside, and tell him he has to take heed to what you're able to be able to desire to assert considering which you're companions in the living house. tell him you do in contrast to how the boy treats him or you and that some thing ought to be accomplished. the living house isn't his, it is your husbands (i assume) and that ought to be made sparkling. He follows the regulations or he leaves. end of tale. he's 23 and already accomplished time, and desires to discover ways to preserve himself or he will nonetheless be living with daddy whilst he's 40 and additionally you will probable be divorced because of the fact of it.
2016-10-09 00:15:56 · answer #7 · answered by robinette 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you did fine. tell the unruly children, if they are to be in this organization, there are rules to follow. if they don't follow it, they will be asked to leave. bad behavior will not get you anywhere or anything in life. and you should be respectful to your own mom (to that particular kid).
2007-08-01 10:13:04 · answer #8 · answered by ~*~ chiclets gum ~*~ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You did everything right. it was best to ask him to leave then to get into a fight with him.
2007-08-01 10:47:23 · answer #9 · answered by saltcook14 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Thankyou for all the answers!
2016-09-20 08:06:47 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋