Huge problem with wife and girlfriend?

Question

Ive been married for 7 years. My wife and i split up a year and half ago. We would get into vicious arguments and it would always end in her saying she wanted a divorce. I told her not to say that again or we would. SHe did and i left. I lived with a coworker of mine for awhile. I have since met a girl i really like and she is head over heels in love with me. My wife and i have been recently been talking about getting back together. I would like that for the kids, but thats pretty much it. I dont really want to break the new girls heart but I dont know what to do. Any help would be greatly appreciated.
PS I know im a dog and an a hole for having a girlfriend before the divorce. My wife hasnt had to work the full 1.5 years so im still taking care of everything financially.

Answer 1

if you dont love your wife then divorce her and pay her child support and alimony. i wouldnt pay EVERYTHING for her!
kids are never a reason to stay together.

Answer 2

Ok, you have to evaluate each relationship separately. Regardless of the girlfriend whether you keep her around or not, you need to make a decision concerning your wife. If the only reason you want to go back is for the kids, then that is not a good reason. The kids will be much better off without you two together fighting all the time. Lots of kids come from divorced parents and they turn out fine. If you're going to go back to your wife just for the kids' sakes, you will only fall into those same destructive habits with your wife and end up leaving again, which will be more detrimental for the kids. (first you're there, then you're not, then you are, then you're not) that's not a good situation for the children. If you still love your wife and are willing to work at it with counseling (and not just you, but BOTH of you) and put work into your marriage, to not fall back into those old habits, then by all means give the marriage another shot. As for the girlfriend, once you decide what you're going to do about your marriage, then you can decide whether this girl is someone you want to keep around or if she was just a "fling".

Answer 3

Its good to think of your kids for every move you make can in fact make an impact on your children's lives. Yes this is important and so is marriage but a marriage only works when you love each other and is willing to give your heart and soul to making things work. Nothing would be accomplished if you aren't fighting with your all. You like this girl and things seems to still be the way they are between your wife and yourself. You have to make a conscious decision not for your kids or for your wife this is something that you have to do for yourself.
Do you want to get back with your wife because you love her?
If so then do just that.
If you want to start all over again with this girl then honey there is nothin in the world that should stop you from doing just that! Be happy that's all just be happy. But also remember every action there is always a reaction.

Answer 4

Why is it that people feel the need to “save” the marriage for the kids? You’re not saving the marriage by doing that! Yes, the kids maybe happy that mommy and daddy are back together, but are you going to be??? At what point do you think that your ex will stop saying “I want a divorce” in every fight that the two of you will undoubtedly have? Have you ever considered she wants to work it out, because she realizes that she might have to give up the good life and take her but to work for a change? I know of women like this and they don’t care if they hate their husband, or have to give it up to their man every once and awhile…they just do what they have to do in order to live how they want to. Also did you know that if your ex, or current wife stays home for so many years without working a judge can order you to give her alimony if you decide for a second time it won’t work?

Listen I think it’s great that you are stepping up to the plate and being a man about taking care of your kids, I honestly do. But it’s time for you to once again step up to the plate and be a man about what your situation truly is. I’m not telling you to dump your girlfriend, or go back to your ex, but you need take your relationship for what it is and realize that sometimes it’s better to walk away and stay away! Good luck!

Answer 5

If you have been separated for a year and a half I think it is only natural that you would be drawn to a new relationship. Accept that your marriage to your wife just didn't make it. If you can't cohabitate without vicious arguments then your children are better off with the two of you apart. You can still raise them successfully. If you have found someone you are happier with then by all means follow your heart. Your home will be a much better environment if you are happy and your children will benefit more from that then if you go back to their mother begrudgingly.

Answer 6

Do not get back together with your wife for the kids. Plenty of parents make divorce work. Why would you want to subject the children to a loveless marriage when both of you can move on a be happy. You are doing well by financially taking care of them and I hope you are visiting the children as well. Get the divorce.

Answer 7

You should never stay in a marriage for the kids only. If you don't love your wife divorce her and get on with your life. In a situation like yours nobody will be happy if things stay the same way. Your wife will just have to go out and get a job and you will pay child support and alimony. If she wanted a divorce every time you fought she probably will again. Good luck.

Answer 8

Well.............Since you have already gone through the pain of separating and in the process put the children through it too, I think it would be irresponsible to go back to a woman, who you don't seem to love for the sake of the kids. What happens if you get into another blow out (and you know you will) and she says she wants a divorce again? Are you going to put up with it now, when you wouldn't before? One thing I know about kids and divorced parents (my parents divorced when I was 8). It's not so much that the parents are divorced as how they handle it. If you have a stable relationship with your kids the way things are now, keep it that way. All going back is going to do is get their hopes up and then keep them worrying every time you two argue. I think you would be doing your kids a favor to not get back with their mom. I would answer differently if you said you wanted to work out your differences and you still love her, but you didn't say that. Only that you would consider it for the kids. That's not good enough. That is using them in a negative way in my opinion.

Answer 9

Its really going to be your wifes descision. You need to share your thoughts and feelings with her. Let her know your concerns and worries, rather than just decide to leave her. It is going to be very difficult for her as well. How does she feel about it?? Unfortunately, you cannot go back and use protection. Too late for that. You can give the baby the best life you can. I had a baby at age 17 and did the best I could with little money. You are probably scared and over whelmed and need to talk to you wife. She may feel the same way. You need to work together, whatever decision you make. If you love her and want your marriage to last, you will come to an agreement. Dont be so quick to give up. Good luck to you both

Answer 10

If you go back to your wife for the "kids" sake, it's never going to work out between you two. Maybe in the beginning it will be fine, but once that wears off you will be right back where you started from.
The only way it's going to work between you two is if your "heart" is in it. You have to love your wife and know that you want to be with her and only her, or it's not going to work.
Happiness is where your heart is.
Where is "your" heart, is it with your wife or with your girlfriend?
Then that's where you should be.
And no you are not a dog for having a girlfriend. You were separated.
That's what a separation is all about, taking the time to find out exactly what you want.
There was nothing wrong with that.
Just make sure you are going back to your wife for the "right" reason ;)

I wish you the best !

Answer 11

If you still love your wife, you know what you have to do. But do not get back with her because of children. That is not fair to you, her or the kids and you will just end up back where you are now. Have you told your wife about the new girl? Maybe she just wants you back because you have moved on and she has not.
You really need to look deep down and see what you really want to do. No one on here can give you the right answer, it has to come from within.