My father in law hates me. Should I got around him again?

Question

I have a father in law who got into my face a few weeks ago and screamed at me "I hate you, I always have, I'll never love you, I'll never forgive you..."
I thought for sure he was going to punch me in the face.
This was entirely unexpected and shocked my husband and his wife, too.
He let me know when my husband and I got engaged that I was not welcome in the family, that he did not trust me or like me, that he didn't want me around, etc., and had spread rumors about me to my peers and told them to stay away from me.
Anyway, I've been nothing but nice and tolerant of these people (my inlaws and my husband's siblings and spouses) and they've just treated me so unfairly and backstabbed, gossiped and critisized my husband and I just too much.
I vented in a blog one time, w/out mentioning names, and my sister in law read it and sent copies of it to EVERYBODY that she knows, that includes people I've never met. Anyway, all of it just accumulated to my father-in-law yelling in my face

I sent them all a letter apologizing for everything I could think of. It was sincere, heartfelt and real. They owe US a HUGE apology and we've never gotten one. They all vocalized that they reject my apology, but they want us to come around, with our kids, and forget what's happened to us from them and my father-in-law, excusing his ferocious and perposterous behavior.

Should we stay away until he apologizes or just put up with their bull crap or what?

My father in law simply did not like me from the very beginning. The ONLY reason he gave me was that he didn't trust me. There was no reason for that, either. It's totally confusing and I think he's simply paranoid. It's also a difference of political views. My husband and I are the only ones that lean the way we do and it bothers the rest of the fam.

Answer 1

There is no reason why you should put up with that behavior. Where was your husband when he got in your face and why is he not standing up to them? It sounds to me that they enjoy using you as a psychological punching bag. Don't go around them until they stop this nonsense. If the children see this type of behavior, they might later think that it is okayt to treat you or someone else this same way. It isn't good for them. Stay away until they stop the behavior and apologise.

Answer 2

holy crap this has to be the most interesting and perplexing question I've ever read. I would love to give you advice unfortunately I've only heard your side of the story.
There are always 2 sides to every coin. catch my drift?
You come off like a saint, whether that is true or not i won't be the judge. All I can say is find a mediator of some kind, someone who is non bias and talk it out with the father in law, preferably somewhere in public so he keeps it under control.
I think if you get dad to fall in line the rest of the family will fall into place. Oh yeah, by the way don't take it out on the hubby.
And for the love of god don't make him chose!

Answer 3

Your husband needs to give you your place and if his family doesnt like you his place is with you by your side as he chose in front of God you and him have your own family now his family and yours are now the extended family you shouldnt have to apologize for your feelings if they made you apologize it showed them you are weak and can be pushed around so now they expect you to show your weekness all the time STOP BEING WEAK!! and that goes for your husband too I hope he put his father in his place for treating you with such disrespect I would never show my face again to anyone in that family until they apologize to me why be a hypocrite and go where i am not wanted and where i dont want to be if its his family he should go your kids should go if you have any but until they apologize to you for what they have done to you dont show your face you can use the time your husband and kids are with his family to do stuff for you your manicure pedicure whatever YOU TIME I imagine they have their reason for not liking you but you didnt mention what those reasons are its hard to give advise without knowing both sides but whatever you did or didnt do your father in law is immature and should remember he is a man and an older before getting in your face dont let their be a next time until their is an apology.

Answer 4

Hell no you don't have to put up with it. If it's to the point of slandering your name, being yelled at and all that then you need to sit your husband down and explain to him that as a HUMAN BEING you should not be treated like that by ANYONE. He needs to have a frank talk with his family about them stopping what they're doing. If he loves you then he should stand by you and refuse to let you be treated like that. Don't take your kids around those people. If I were you, I'd be throwing an ultimatum on your husband SOON. If you don't want to keep your kids from their grandparents then fine. Let them go and you just refuse to see your in-laws. I'd be worried that they're smearing your name to your kids though.

Answer 5

I had the same type of start with my husband's family. However the only one who gave me problems was my father-in-law. He was a blow hard like yours. However I am the type of person, while I was taught to be respectful to my elders, I also do not tolerate crap from him either. I have stood up to him and it has made a difference over time.

In your case however, your husband needs to stand up to his father. Your husband is suppose to be your protector and it sounds like it has gone way past the point of you standing up for yourself. Families love to overlook the bad behavior of their own, but will be extremely critical of others with the same behavior problems. Again, your husband needs to make a stand, tell his dad to either treat you with respect or he will no longer be a part of their lives. You definately cannot take your children around your father-in-law with his attitude or else they will think it is okay to disrespect you too.

That all be said, if you have done something you shouldn't have done, make amends and then get on with your lives. If they cannot forgive, stay away from them.

Answer 6

I think that you should keep away from them, as it sounds like they will never accept you. Your husband should have said something to his father for treating you that way, it just doesn't seem right. I think that you should allow your children to see your in-laws as I would hope that they do not treat them like they treat you(not that they should treat you like that either). You should just stay away from them as they don't seem to be any good for you or your health. You may have made mistakes but you tried to fix it and if they are too petty and small-minded to forgive and forget then too bad for them, LIFE IS TOO SHORT TO HOLD GRUDGES.If and when down the track you feel you can face them, do so, but entirely on your terms.
No-one should be spoken to like that.
GOOD LUCK.

Answer 7

That's a hard one. My parents don't except my fiance and I got pretty comfortable with the idea of staying away from my family after I get married. I'm too tired to fight with them. However, is your husband on your side? He really should have stop his father from yelling at you. So, in my situation, I am staying away because I don't want my future kids to know that their mommy's parents hate their dad. However, it's all up to you and your husband.

Answer 8

have confidence me, it would desire to be worse. you're transforming into to be my companion's father. he's a competent for no longer something, leach, who additionally believes he would desire to be chasing 20 twelve months olds (he's an old, used up finding fifty 5 twelve months old). yet he will additionally take despite he believes he's entitled to, if it belongs to somebody else or no longer. He has been in penitentiary, yet by some ability this is somebody else's fault, no longer his. He drives around in human beings's automobiles devoid of having a license (3-4 DUI's) and devoid of telling the human beings, reason it embarrasses him, he works for my husband by using fact he can not locate a activity everywhere else, yet makes it out to look as though he's doing my husband the desire. He tells different those that my husband (his son) rips him off all of the time together with his pay. He tried to earnings sympathy by ability of mendacity approximately having colon maximum cancers (suitable now he's claiming that he has to have knee alternative surgical operation. i will have self belief it as quickly as I see it). He grants he will do issues with the infants and then does no longer coach, leaving the infants right here to ask us why grandpa isn't there. he's chronically late for artwork, and My husband places up with all of it. I say no longer something. I used to, yet then it replaced into commencing to intrude in my marriage. It hurts my husband that he has certainly one of those loser for a father. He needs him to be a competent dad, and provides him probability after probability, yet he's often disillusioned. So I found out to in basic terms pay attention while he's harm by ability of him while he does not coach and to maintain my mouth close while he's around. It makes my existence much less complicated. I desire he would basically pass away too, yet so a strategies i've got had no success yet........ i assume the trick is to love your companion extra advantageous than you hate your in rules... I desire shifting a strategies away would help. We did that. He basically ended up following us...(we did no longer pass to get removed from him, it replaced into artwork appropriate)

Answer 9

first of all,i don't think you needed to apologize to any of them,you did nothing wrong,your husband family should be apologizing to you and your husband,and no you should not have to put up with their crap,you deserve better then that,and so doesn't your husband,they told you,they would not accept you in the family,so it is their loss,they won't even give you a chance,i say don't put your self in a stressfull,situation like that,if your husband chooses to visit them,let him,that is his family,but if i were you,i would not go,his family needs to grow up,wake up and smell the coffee,you are not going anywhere,you love your husband,and i think they are trying to break up your marriage,you and your husband deserve their respect,and if they don't respect you,then you need to turn away from them,and concentrate on you and your husband,best of luck to you,

Answer 10

This is a lose/lose situation for your husband, you and your kids.

The direction you choose from here depends on how your husband is reacting to the situation.

You cannot keep him from his family, if he chooses to still associate with them because it will cause conflict with you two.

If he choose to associate with them, you have no choice but to put a smile on your face and do it too. I hope, though, for your sake, that your husband supports you and chooses not to subject his new family to abuse of his old family.

What a mess...