To my dismay I have realized that I am a people pleaser. It is wearing me down, and people feel that they can use me any time they feel like it. I want a little respect in life...I'm just afraid to say no and make people unhappy. I think its time for a change. But how do I do it? Any suggestions at all?
2007-08-01 09:45:57 · 16 answers · asked by The BecaNATOR 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Im not talking about sleeping "use"..I'm talking about ...they walk all over me and would'nt care less.
2007-08-01 09:51:21 · update #1
My best advice would be you need to learn how to say no and let go of the people that need you to be their personal people pleaser. The only person you need to please is you. Screw everyone else. I have a gf that was such a people pleaser and one day she just stopped and I swear she is by far way more happy than i've ever seen her. Its a sad to say but their using you or they just get pleasure out of making you do what they can't do for themselves. Be kind to people but set a limit to how much attention you pay to what they need your help with. People aren't dogs they dont need you to pick up their crap after they poop they rather just leave it alone. But if you offer to be submissive all the time and never saying no to people's needs thats when you run into trouble. You won't dissapoint if you arent a people pleaser and if they do get dissapointed leave them alone! In the long run take charge of how you feel and what you think is right to help people out or how to make people happy without sacrificing yourself or your happiness.
2007-08-01 10:29:23 · answer #1 · answered by I'm Allergic 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Practice saying no
I was a people pleaser too - but I realized it was because I was afraid if I didn't say yes all the time, people wouldn't like me.
Little by little I began to do nice things for myself, and not make myself so available for others. I still like to do things for others, but not at my expense.
Before I agree to do something for someone else, I ask myself - are you doing this to be liked, or because you really want to. If I don't really want to, then I don't do it.
P.S. Sometimes saying no means just not answering the telephone.
2007-08-01 09:51:03 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am the same way. I am always doing things for people and not getting the same respect back and I don't know how to stop it either. Just stop being nice. I guess. Yeah it may make them unhappy. But your Happiness is way more important. Cheers to you People Pleaser!
2007-08-01 09:50:16 · answer #3 · answered by sassygirliegirl27 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take it from another people pleaser - it's not easy. I guess, all I can really say, is that after awhile you really start to feel taken advantage of. Once that happens, saying no becomes a little easier.
Other advice I've been given: Take time for yourself and don't neglect your priorities to please other people.
I still tend to focus on "making people happy" and I'm starting to feel exhausted again. Sooner or later, we do need to take some time for ourselves and just say no to others. It doesn't make us bad people - just tired!
2007-08-01 09:55:08 · answer #4 · answered by reandsmom77 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Congratulations. You realized what you want to change. Now, realize that those who walk all over you will be offended if you tell them kindly "no, I can't...I don't have time....I have other plans....I have no money at this time.....and so forth. Just tell them no in a friendly way and practice it....in time, those who used you will stay away and those who are true to you will still love you for who you are. Don't be afraid to hurt others. Think about it that you do not want to get used(and with that hurt)any longer. Those who use you will not get hurt....they'll just go to someone else they can use.....Good Luck
2007-08-01 10:15:59 · answer #5 · answered by What Will The Spill Kill? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you want to make everyone happy, you will be disappointed. No matter how hard you try, you cannot make everyone happy. If you want a little respect in life then stand up for what you think and how you feel. Defend yourself when you need to. Dont be afraid to say no. Guys say no to girls and girls say no to guys and that goes for everything too. Make yourself happy before you make others happy. You deserve that happiness
2007-08-01 09:54:34 · answer #6 · answered by bite the dust 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hi hon.
you can't "make people unhappy" and you certainly can't "make them happy" either.
happiness comes from within, not from what others give or do for us... YES it's nice when someone helps us or does something for us.
you could stop doing things for people who are perfectly capable of doing things for themselves....
stop saying YES when you mean NO
remember where happiness comes from -- within... be content inside.
take care of your own stuff -- do things for yourself, don't rely on others... but DO ask for help if you need some.
dont let anyone "use" you or treat you badly. it's ok to break off relationships with those who try to use us for what they can get.
when we give and give, we end up the loser, and sit around wondering WHY others don't give anything back (it's because they are too busy taking care of themselves, perhaps)
look up PEOPLE PLEASING and CODEPENDENCY online. you might find a lot of resources for suggestions.
you sound like a very nice person... and i think you wil stay that way when you start doing more for YOU.
2007-08-01 09:52:31 · answer #7 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just stop! I used to be a people pleaser. Just build up your will. Everytime you think about trying to please someone, hold yourself back and tell yourself, "no!". Stop trying to walk around on eggshells around everyone and crush those eggshells! But you just have to have the will power. Good Luck!
2007-08-01 09:50:30 · answer #8 · answered by thatguyisawesome 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
IT'S YOUR BODY AND YOUR IN CHARGE OF IT. It's sort of two late since people know that they can use you when ever you want. If your talking about the "use" type, like sleeeping with type, then it's too late. cause they already know your easy and they can get you. Don't let people take advantage of you. good luck and make the right choices in life.
2007-08-01 09:49:51 · answer #9 · answered by Tooly 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
start over and spend more time with your self... remember you are a people too.... make up any reason that you need to start the process tell them that your work schedule has change and as much as you hate it you will be out of the loop a lot... now go and please the people name..me myself and I... have fun getting to know yourself
2007-08-01 09:51:07 · answer #10 · answered by bay 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋