My friend is going to take her own life because I'm never there past 11pm due to my family...please help?

Question

I have a friend who lives in another state. We've been friends for 5 years, and up until recently we were always there for each other. However, I still live with my parents, who have imposed a rule that I must leave my phone downstairs when I go to bed at night. This rule is OK with me because I do understand I need a good night's sleep; however, I am no longer there at night when my friend needs me. I have tried talking to my parents, but they won't budge on this as they think I intend to text ALL night. My friend says I'm the only one she's got, only she hasn't really got me anymore since I'm never there at night - and she means it about taking her own life, she's slit her own throat before. If I told my parents, and they told her mother, her mother wouldn't believe it. So it seems like there's no way to save her... What should I do?

Also, my friend has suggested a plan which I know is highly unlikely to work, largely because I don't have the guts and it would only cause fresh turmoil in my family. She suggested that I let her record a message and then just not come home from school one day, make them worry about me. However I know that this really wouldn't work. So I'm backed into a corner, there's nothing I can say to my friend but the only thing I *can* do is talk to my parents...I just don't know what to do, I don't want her to die, but the truth is she's tearing me apart...

If she dies because I told my parents does that make me a killer?

Also she actually was in the hospital for having slit her throat before, the time I had my parents call hers. But I want to thank everyone for advice, I *am* writing a note to my parents right now to explain everything, and I will return tomorrow...

~L Lawliet
signing out

Answer 1

Your "friend" sounds like she is extremely manipulative. She's making you seem responsible for her own failures. She can't expect you to be there at any time of the night just because she has an issue she can't handle. She's going to have to learn how to handle things on her own from time to time, and if she really needs to talk to you, she can call you at a reasonable hour. If she is really your friend, she will understand the rule your parents have set. Just because you are not available 24/7 doesn't mean you aren't a good friend. You need to tell her all this. She's not really going to kill herself, she just wants to keep you at her beck and call, and laying a huge guilt trip on you seems to be her way of doing it. That's not being a good friend.

Answer 2

Clearly your friend has some issues... If she had Slit her own throat. I think her parents would know to start with. and I believe you just need to try and get her some help. Its not normal for a person to talk bout wonting to kill there self.. al little long because your not there past 11pm for her..It kinda sounds to me like shes a freak, and wonts you. If I were you I would tell your parents whats going on, so maybe they can get her some help............ By the way why is she not in the bed at 11 anyways.?

Answer 3

hon, this person is dangerous, manipulative and isn't a friend.... she is needy, clingy, and is destructive. she is the LAST PERSON you need in your life.... !!!

if your friend "slit her own throat" it would be very obvious to her parents, who would see the healing sore, or scars the cutting would leave behind. I'm sure if you met her, you'd never be able to find a scar, because her "throat slitting story" is likely untrue.

people like her are in dire need of HELP... she is trying to disrupt YOUR life... she doesn't respect your parents' rules or home, either -- wanting you to pretend you ran away to upset your parents?

THIS IS EXACTLY WHY we all need to be cautious about who we associate with on the internet.

The girl needs help -- her parents or guardians are responsible for her welfare, you are NOT.

You can't save her, either.

Take care of YOU.. find a friend who is not so deranged.....

Answer 4

You are being manipulated by this person. There is no reason why you should be debating any action she proposes, she has already demonstrated she is unstable. You need to tell your parents about her threats to harm herself, and ask your parents to contact her family and get her help. She may totally hate you and never talk to you again, but you will still have done the right thing. Her threatening to harm herself is her responsibility, not yours, and she is using these threats to control you.

Answer 5

She, not you, is responsible for her own actions. If she's under 18 years of age her mother needs to know that she's contemplating suicide. In the meantime, you may want to refer her to a suicide help line in her area. But the choices that she makes are ultimately her own.

Answer 6

You say at the end that she is tearing you apart. If that is the case she is not a good friend. Friends don't do that to each other. Or am I wrong on that?

Answer 7

YOU NEED TO TELL YOU PARENTS AND HER PARENTS ABOUT WHAT'S GOING ON. YOU FRIEND NEEDS HELP AND AS SOON AS POSSIBLE EXPLAIN TO THEM HOW IMPORTANT IT IS THAT YOUR FRIEND GET HELP FOR HER OWN GOOD AND BECAUSE SHE MEANS ALOT TO YOU. YOUR FRIEND NOT HAS YOU TO THINK ABOUT BUT, HER FAMILY AS WELL. SHE HAS ALOT TO LOOK FORWARD TO IN LIFE. MAKE SURE NOBODY POINTS FINGERS NOR BLAMES ANY ONE FOR ANYTHING CAUSE IT'LL ONLY MAKE THINGS WORSE. TALK THINGS OUT AND ACTUALLY LISTEN TO ONE ANOTHER.

Answer 8

Tell her to seek help. And call someone so she can get help. Tell her you can only do so much from so far away and that if she takes her life, that you would be so sad and miss her dearly.

Answer 9

tell your family whats happening what she's going through...
and if they still yet dont understand then just sneak out you cant be in trouble forever so it'll be worth it to save someone...
then ask her to see someone so she can get help

Answer 10

you have to call her parents and them her their daughter needs serious help and may hurt herself. If you care about her, you will do this. why isn't she in bed asleep at 11L:00pm?