Boyfriend leaving me AGAIN for a job.?

Question

My boyfriend and I have been together for 1 year and 4 months. Living together for 4 months. When we had only been dating for a few weeks, he up and moved 2 and a half hours away for a job. The town we are both from doesn't really have any good jobs. Well, I did most of the commuting to be with him (90%) and in April we moved in together as he found a job in our hometown. Now he wants to move again to a job 4 hours away! Without even talking to me first either. He just up and told me he hates his job and is moving to get a better one. He's been starting arguments since then too. I feel like he's laying the groundwork for just totaling leaving our relationship. Am I right?

After he initially told me of his plans, I asked him, "well what about us, we won't get to see eachother". He just repeated that he hates his job and has to move. A day later he said, "you could just move there too". I'm having trouble being his after thought I guess. BTW, I'm not clingy or dependant. I've always let him do his own thing.

Answer 1

Most men need to prove themselves by the type of work they do and the money they bring home. But it does appear as if your guy needs to do this to the extreme.. A good job is a way to prove his worth. While one can admire a guy for trying, I see a continuous problem for you because of this. For now it is only you and him, what will happen if in the future you both decide to get married and have children. Moving children from one place to another can be strenuous for the whole family. He needs to decide a path and set goals and stick to them. Also a lack of education can add to the problem There will never be a job where he will be completely happy in, he needs to know this and start to build for a more stable ground and way of living. The problem is, most guys who are this way find it hard to stick to one goal, they grow restless and want to try other things over and over again. He would be a good candidate for career counselling. Best wishes to you both.

Answer 2

from reading this, it looks like YOU DON'T COME FIRST in this relationship you have with him. He does not put you as his main priority. The jobs are more important to him, but getting one far away & moving away from you is a signal that he's not that serious about you. A guy who really loves his girlfriend WILL ALWAYS PUT HER FIRST regardless. If he really, truly loved you, he will do what he can to keep you & make you happy. He could get a job anywhere if he wanted to but he chooses to get one 4 hours away. He may not see it as a problem, but on the other hand, you do. He obviously has other plans & your not included in these plans. Not to be rude or anything, but he does not need to discuss it with you or aks you before he makes any decisions, YOU ARE NOT HIS WIFE, you are just a "girlfriend" & if you ask me, that's not much. You have no power what so ever on his decisions. He will do what he wants, when he wants, however he wants. He has that right. Before you jump to conclusions about him laying groundwork, why don't you talk to him about it up front? maturely, like grown adults. Find out what he truly wants in the relationship before you decide to call it quits.

Answer 3

It may be possible that this is his way of just trying to get out of the relationship. Although he does hate his job you would think that he would have told you about him not be happy awhile back. The worst part is he never seemed to ask you to go with him. Let him go and tell him straight forward "I don't plan to keep making these kinda trips for you" ...then ask him would he like you to move with him. That should either put the nail in the coffin or seal a serious relationship. Good Luck

Answer 4

yeah sounds about right sweety. You just need to have a talk with him about your relationship. He should have discussed things with u first. maybe if u could find a job there maybe move with him? or maybe try to make things work, If you truly love eachother u would do anything to keep the relationship going even if that means living hours away.


I know where ur comming from since my bf works about 5 hours away now for about a year, but we talked about things and we are making things work and both put effort towards us. He asked me to go just can't yet but soon enough.

I wish u the best of luck with your bf!

Answer 5

No one deserves to be treated that way by a spouse. If he wants to move away from you without consulting with you or most of all not asking you to go with him, then he ain't worth your time! If he isn't even going to ask you to move with him then he does not care about you. Especially if he's gonna treat you like that before he moves. He'll move far away and find another woman or at least be cheating by the way it sounds. Find a man who respects you and wants to be with you.

Answer 6

I'm Sorry to Say but it's time to let go..His Not That Into You...he really doesn't care about your Input in your life together.

He is Not a partner. He is living like an Uncommitted person..Just let go.. You are the one putting in all the effort

Answer 7

I think what you are feeling sounds like it could be what you don't want to hear. Let him go, and keep looking forward. He made plans to move and tells you later, what kind of a deal is that?

Answer 8

honestly i don't think it is a good idea for anyone to move in together until they are secure in their work etc. To many variables makes relationships all the more harder to handle. I would just keep doing you and if he wants to move let him. Make sure you can and always support yourself first!

Answer 9

The best thing to do is to talk to him about what he may/may not be feeling right now.

He might not have given a second thought to taking this other job offer because he was wanting to provide a better life for you and him.

Don't jump to conclusions, talk to him.

Answer 10

Yes, that sounds right. Get a backbone and realize that he does not want to commit totally to the relationship. You need to find someone who won't keep leaving you behind.