For the past few months, my father has been bugging me about meeting a 22 yr. old woman in the Philippines. He's been verbally abusive since he's been talking about her. He wants me to date her because she's a nurse and makes a lot of money and I'm 25 and Filipino too (US born). He said she's perfect for me and I don't know her very well and she's not my type.
Here is a list of what I've observed on my dad since my aunt told us about her:
-My father uses my email account to contact her
-FORCED me to write her emails against my authority
-FORCED me to send her text messages against my authority
-Threatens me if I refuse to date/marry her
-Asked my relatives and grandparents if I should marry her
-Told friends and relatives that I'll marry her
-Asked my grandmother if I had a fortune involving her
-FORCED to write a Bday card and mail it to her house
-FORCED to date her once we get to the Philippines
-FORCED to buy her a gift
-He can't stop talking/thinking about her
Is marriage easy?
2007-08-01 08:10:26 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Your father isn't in the so called "old country " any more where they have arranged marriages. If you can't afford to live on your own, I would find a friend that maybe you can live with and split expenses and get as far away from your father as possible Marriage is very hard and you at least have to like the person let alone luv them. It must be hard for you to tell your dad what you think, but are you going to let him ruin your life. Run!
2007-08-01 08:21:10 · answer #1 · answered by quagmire1 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Has your father tried to control other aspects of your life before this? Is this a trend of controlling behavior from your Dad? If it is, then it is likely that he will never stop his behavior unless you stand up to him and really put your foot down to stop this.
In reality, he cannot force you to do anything you don't want to do. If he is using your email account, you MUST change the password on the email account. And under no circumstances, however he threatens you, do not give him the new password.
Marriage is not easy, especially if you give in to being forced to go out/or marry this woman against your will. You will likely have a hidden animosity towards her for the rest of your life.
On the other hand. You say that she is not your type and also that you don't know her very well. If you don't know her very well, how do you know she is not your type. Was it the minute you saw her, you knew she was not your type, or what? How much time have you actually spent with this woman to know that you are not interested in her?
If the answer to the above questions still have you convinced that you don't want to date/marry this woman, there may be another solution. Tell this woman your true feelings and tell her what your father is doing. Then, maybe she can tell your aunt that she is NOT interested in you. Once your father hears this, he may stop his meddling behavior.
Make sure you aunt emphasizes to your father the fact that she (the 22 yr. old woman) is "NOT" interested in you.
2007-08-01 15:38:53 · answer #2 · answered by hapycyclist 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This isn't dating or marriage.
It is unclear if you live in the US or if you are moving to the Phillipines but if your family condones arranged marriage that sounds what they are doing to you.
Do you have a choice? Does your opinion count at all? From your comments I say no.
Verbal abuse is verbal abuse. That is awful, and your father is not smart enough to see that his efforts to marry you off are ruining your relationship forever.
By the way, there are lots of Filipino nurses or people of Filipino origin. You don't have to marry and bring someone back to the US now....Culturally I guess this must be your family's preference.
Best to say...what you feel to him now. Do you want to marry this girl? Or are you going to let your father FORCE you into marriage too?
I am glad I am not you. But one thing is for sure...you can move away...and find another person of your choice if you like. You are American now...(cultural differences are real, I respect them, but this is WAY beyond cultural this is just horrible.)....
Tell him you can find another Filipino girl on your own. Or...ask him to give you some choices ...or anything...this isn't the way it is suppose to be. Your father has a problem.
2007-08-01 15:20:10 · answer #3 · answered by kishoti 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No marriage is hard in fact I often tell people to live together they will be happier and they are. My advice to you is since you are 25 move from the house and everyone for now. In a year or so you can contact them and see where you stand. Your father might have motives for this arranging the marriage. Maybe be is getting some compensation from her parents or he made some stupid promise. You are of age to make your own life go now it will get worst. Good Luck
2007-08-01 15:22:02 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I dont know where you are, but even if you are in the US, or the Phils, you need to act like an adult and realize that you can stand on your own two feet. Perhaps your dad thinks you are having problems dating people on your own... or maybe there is an underlying motive.
Just be your own person, get rid of the situation, if your dad contacts her, then thats your dads problem, not yours. he should have to FORCE you to do anything. Being verbally abusive is something you can ignore. Even if he is holding a gun to your head, he cant force you to do sh*t.
Hold your head up, be a man and take control of this.
2007-08-01 15:33:40 · answer #5 · answered by Julie S 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your dad is the one that's in love with her. Do you live in the US? You can move out of your dad's home at any time, and I would encourage you to have done it yesterday, especially if he's threatening you. He has no right and could be arrested for that. He can't force you to do anything you don't want to do. If he wants nothing more to do with you because you don't feel you and she belong together, then he wasn't wanting what was best for you in the first place. No good father would force their kid to marry someone they don't think would work out.
2007-08-01 15:19:01 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No marriage is not easy...for anyone don't care who you are. It takes a lot of work from both of you, but well worth it! This is not good behavior of your father. Tell him to stop now, you are 25 and an adult make your own decisions! Don't buy or mail or whatever. He forced you but you can walk away from this you are 25 for gods sake!!
2007-08-01 15:21:10 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No ,marriage is not easy, specially if you are not in love.
Your father should marry her if he likes her so much!
You should follow your heart and marry when you are ready and when YOU find someone that makes you happy!
At 25 you are more than old enough to make decisions, specially ones that will change your life...don't let anyone pressure you into doing something that you dont want.
2007-08-01 15:17:17 · answer #8 · answered by #25 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its your life not your father's. I suggest you write to her a detailed letter without your father's knowledge and inform her about the whole thing. Surely she will understand. Also request her to communicate through your relatives or directly that she is not interested in marrying you. Problem may solve if she wants to help you out. There is no point in marrying someone your father loves! That too for her earning capacity. Does he expect to life his life off her? Pah... good luck to you anyway.
2007-08-01 15:16:01 · answer #9 · answered by someone 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would say that you are old enough to think and act for yourself. Tell your father that you do not want to date or marry the woman and move out on your own. he will be angry, but you will not be trapped in an unhappy marriage.
2007-08-01 15:15:51 · answer #10 · answered by fangtaiyang 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋