My husband is a wonderful person however he has been getting high again. We have gone thru detox and he is off the band wagon again. I CAN NOT STAND IT at all. We have been married for a little over a year and I am beginning to feel there is no hope! I am lost and confused we are financially struggling and then i see that he is spending money left and right I have tried to talk to him about it and it does not seem to matter.
I have been having anxiety attacks all the time and i know that this is WHY!!!
He is also been talking to a 19 year old girl that gets him the percocets and I ask him and he says I would never cheat on my love of my life but he still is talking to her I CAN NOT STAND THIS GIRL I am so confused I am not sure what to do....
Please give some feed back!!
I also have two children that are 12 and 7 and I do not want to see them get hurt since this man has been in there lives more than there own father has been.
FRUSTRATED HELP PLEASE
2007-08-01 07:52:16 · 39 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
How would I react? I would first try to calm down. I'd sit his butt down and give him an ultimatium--our marriage or the drugs. Tell him that he is not a good role model for the children and tell him that his "talking" to this girl is making you physically ill. If he cannot try to meet you halfway, I cannot see how this relationship can sustain itself. This man may be in your children's lives now, but what effect will this relationship have on them in later years if the problems continue or even worsen? Give him that last chance and the chance to recover from his addictions with your support.
2007-08-01 08:08:50 · answer #1 · answered by hello molly 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dear Brown eyed girl,
I assume you knew he was taking drugs before you two got married? And by the age of your children, you knew you would be exposing them to this?
I know I sound hard, but really, please, take a day and think about your life. What do you want for you? for your children? and for him? Write these things down .... and see what you can actually do to start making your dreams come true.
I find, that very often we don't think about the everyday actions that we make, that keep us from happiness. We stay in sadness because it is what we know how to do. We know how to behave in these situations.
An example would be if you won a trip to Paris, to go to all the museums, and shopping with the top designer in the world, and the catch is you would be on TV all day and on the first day you would dine with the English prince's, and the last one too. This would make most people really uncomfortable. They don't think they know how to behave. It is not much different when we are considering changing our lives. We think I would love to do that, but then say .... no way.
Dream. Open yourself to the possibilities! Find inspiration! Be bold, daring and live!
best wishes,
green terra
below is a nice article ... I just read it ... didn't do any research about the guy or anything. But the article has some good advice. the other sites look interesting ... and that last one is informative.
ps- I looked at your other questions ... you sound like you are really hurting and need support. Big hug your way.
2007-08-01 08:28:10 · answer #2 · answered by Teak Fox 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he is cheating on u with the percocets it is only a matter ov time befor he goes at and start hitting the real thing the pipe. he is looking for the ultimate high .ur headed down a bad road its nuthing more u can do but let this go .if he has already been threw the steps only to get out and start all over again he is not changing anytime soon .what will hurt u and ur kids more is a one way ticket to hell. at this point u should be happy if there own dad just wanted to deal with them compared to this guy. the last thing ur gonna need is to be put out on the streets lights off, water off, gas etc. let him go his love for something else is far GREATER than his love for u.do it befor it is too late .promises and false hopes and dreams is all he is giving u and it is a matter of time befor he hurts u or ur children to get the things he wants.!!! he has to wanna stop using. addicted to drugs and thing like that is something that person has to admit that they have a problem with and wanna get help on it .for sum they cant see that they are hurting the people around them and how bad they are.hurting them the only thing they have on there mind is the next high.
2007-08-01 08:18:06 · answer #3 · answered by sean a 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you have a really complicated issue on your hands.....
First of all think of the effect that this may have on your children's lives if you don't get things straightened out with him. It could be devastating to them. Your first and foremost concern should be them.
If you have communicated your concerns to your husband and he refuses to get help then you may need to make a really hard decision based on the knowledge that this can NOT be good for your children.
Second... should be the concern for yourself. You said you CAN NOT STAND IT! Again, if you have communicated your concern to your husband and have supported him and tried to help him help himself and he has had no regard for your feelings in the matter then it is time to consider what would be best for you.
Unfortunately usually an addict can only see things through his own eyes and can not see the hurt and pain he is causing others. It may take him hitting rock bottom before he can see the sun!
Good Luck!
2007-08-01 08:01:05 · answer #4 · answered by Sunshine's Pic Is on 360 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
at 12 your child is at the edge of a new world where he or she will be exposed to many undesirable things. you need to be there and be aware. if this is going on in your house already long term your kid is already involved with drug drama. take action now to protect your kid before you are dealing with a husband and a kid with a drug problem. hear me?? you have only been married a year to this loser and i do mean loser, get out now and try to live near good family members. if you think you are having problems that cause you anxiety because your husband is popping a few pills, sister, you do not know what pain and heart ache is, but you will when your kid is messed up because of this ridiculous drama. your kids come first. you are struggling with money but he has no problem spending it. if you get out it will be hard but it will be clear and peaceful and you will not have this on your mind. YOU brought this guy into your kids lives. you CAN act today, to undo this and bring peace and a different attitude to your life and your kids life. you are not confused, you are unwilling to do the logical right thing for financial reasons. dont worry you will have years and years to regret this.....
2007-08-01 08:17:05 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, you won't worry about him cheating on you Brown Eyed Girl, for Perc's destroy a man's sex drive. He cannot even get it going! So don't worry about that. So your saying that he is getting "High" off perc's. This is troublesome, beacuse a) they ere very expensive, and b) THEY ARE VERY addicting.
The problem will get far worse before it gets better. HOWEVER, you can fix that fact by leaving him now. Tell him that you will leave him, and take the kids, go to your mon's or a friends. You have to do this because it will only get worse. He should be out trying to find work. Trust me, he will spend all the $ you do have, so please try EMERGENCY action and give him the choice. "A pill that lasts 4 hours, OR a wife, partner and children thats lasts for eternity"
Good luck, baby.
2007-08-01 07:58:53 · answer #6 · answered by BWM 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Leave him girl! people only change when they want to. cut your losses now before things take a turn for the worse. You have to protect your children and yourself first. This guy has a lot of problems that you can't fix. Love can not keep him off drugs, out of jail or from getting AIDS. Be smart. If he realizes more what he has to lose then maybe counseling can help later but for now don't stay on a sinking ship.
2007-08-01 08:16:49 · answer #7 · answered by luvmybabys 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's not a wonderful man. The issue is not the teen-aged drug dealer. He's an addict.
GET OUT. You have a responsibility to your children greater than the one you have to him. The problem is not your anxiety attacks or jealousy of the teenaged drug dealer.
If you stay your kids have three choices.
1. Become druggies, too.
2. Learn to be enablers in order to keep someone around who says he loves you, but can't act like it.
3. Grow to despise you as weak and unable/unwilling to take proper care of them and protect them from financial, legal and family disruption problems
2007-08-01 08:00:36 · answer #8 · answered by Sarah C 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Imagine if all the time, strength and money he's taking were being invested in your children. No matter how "good" he is to them at times, his selfish lifestyle is damaging to them. Separate from him. Sell all joint assets and be completely independent of him financially. That will take the stress of his irresponsible spending away. Tell him to get into rehab. Once this is done, then work on your marriage in the form of weekly counseling sessions. If there's any chance he's using you for anything (which is common with drug addicts) this complete separation will bring that to light.
2007-08-01 08:04:16 · answer #9 · answered by The Naughty Librarian 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well if I was in your shoes i would talk to him and tell him that he really needs to stop the drugs you need to think of whats bed for yours and the kids sake they shouldn't and you shouldn't be around drugs or anyone that does them you should tell him he needs to get help bottom line and to stop talking to that 19 year old girl, make him realize that he's getting no where in life by smoking pot. and just tell him the worse you shouldn't have to deal with that if your the love of his life he would listen to you and think about you and the kids, maybe go on vacation with the kids or just out on a walk ever once in a while whenever you have a chance and just try not to get all stressed out to help the anxiety attacks. I'm sorry to hear this.
2007-08-01 07:59:04 · answer #10 · answered by appleeater395 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋