My byf of 10 mo. divorced after 28 yrs. (her doing). We met, fell in love & his youngest son (21) got an apartment with him in order to save $ because he was going back to school. Soon after the son who is not at all $$ responsible needed to have a cosigner for $40K in student loans - ok - he did that. Then it became the loan for the 4whlr - whihc he had cosigned for & they were repo-ing it - so he paid it off. Then the son lost his job & says he's having trouble getting his UI. Now the sons GF is pregnant. I want to be supportive of the decisions my byf is making towards his son - after all it's his child. However, the X wife does nothing & left my byf in a position to have to file CH13 - so he doesn't have anything left to give. His dghtr (28) is not much better & always uses him. While I ask for NOTHING, they are always making him feel as though he's choosing between them & I. Now that another grandchild is on the way - OUR future together is under even more stressed.
2007-08-01 07:44:26 · 14 answers · asked by martiek7 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Will it ever change or am I fighting a lossing battle? What would some of you do. I truley love this man and I know he loves me - just he's torn between being a father to his children and his future goals with me. DOes this ever change?
2007-08-01 07:46:00 · update #1
Well...you're not married, so you really don't have a say in this matter.
But you could ask him nicely...when does he expect to cut the financial umbilical cord?
2007-08-01 07:48:41 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
Bellatrix would of made a great mother if she had any kids False(Even more False if You-Know-Who was the father) You felt nervous for Harry and anyone else whenever Voldemort Showed up True(Always happens to me when I'm reading a book) Goblet of fire scared you a bit True(I wasn't sure that Harry would be able to pass all the tasks and I was scared, and also with all the Death-Eater and Death-Mark situation going on) When you read the part about snape killing dumbledore you became speechless and shocked Shocked=True, Speechless=False(I was firing curses at both Snape and Draco!) Ginny Weasley is a Brat False(Although she is quite nasty sometimes) Harry is a bit too full of himself True Fudge was a better minister than Scrimgeour Partially True(He was a better politician but made some huge mistakes, and we didn't get to know Scrimgeour any better) You pity wormtail False(not even the least!)
2016-04-01 07:43:05 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well it looks like he needs to decide when to let the son out on his own. He is not doing him any favors by bailing him out all the time. Let him learn the hard way for once and he will get the picture. Yes he will throw a fit and be childish but the time has come. As for the child on the way that is his responsibility not anybody else's. He needs to man up and get a job. He might not of asked for it but he is going to have to take care of that child. As for you I would sit down and go over how everyone feels and in a very calm manner tell him how you would take care if this. He might not like it and he might get upset but he is only trying to do what he THINKS! is right and that is not always the case. I hope everything works out .
2007-08-01 07:54:45 · answer #3 · answered by FullofQuestions 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
only your bf can change things, the kids will keep taking and using as long as he allows it. his children will always come first, no matter what u say or do,it is a loosing battle, have u spoken to him about it? maybe he doesn't know how u feel about it. anyway as long as he continues to give all he has to them, there won't be anything left for you and your dreams in life. talk to him, we often teach people how to treat us by what we are willing to accept, don't invest any more time with him if this is going to be the way life goes for u.
2007-08-01 07:51:35 · answer #4 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If the parents did not teach the children financial responsibility at a young age, this is the lot they left themselves with now...he is making the choice to pay their bills....His children and their needs will ALWAYS come first.
2007-08-01 07:54:48 · answer #5 · answered by allrightythen 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think there should be no reason to be torn unless you are saying that him being a father is not part of the life that you want with him It is part of who he is. His decisions may not be the best in your eyes but he may be making them based on what he feels is best for his children. You can either accept his children and his decisions regarding them as part of who he is or you can choose to feel second best forever. A wise man should put his children first and the lady that loves him should respect that decision and be supportive of the decisions he makes.
2007-08-01 07:53:32 · answer #6 · answered by Sunshine's Pic Is on 360 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Sweet Pea It sounds like he had to file a bankruptcy because of his own doing at this point. Look at the steps he has taken like the student loan, and the 4wheeler, that was not the best decision. I see this ship sinking faster and faster, might of fact it is at the bottom of the ocean!
2007-08-01 07:51:35 · answer #7 · answered by b n real 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like his children are adults. Therefor, it is his choice to help them out. If you love the man, stay with him as a girlfriend and don't get involved in the financial fiasco. Set a time limit and if things don't get better before your time limit ends or if he doesn't tell his children to treat you better, end it!
You don't deserve to be treated like an outsider.
2007-08-01 07:56:44 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
His children will be his children till the day he dies. We as parents will always try to be there for our kids in any way possible. I don't think you or any other girlfriend will be able to change this. That is what a parent is supposed to do!!!!
2007-08-01 07:50:48 · answer #9 · answered by dakota_gal_1968 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Buy a copy of Kafka's "The metamorphosis" and read it together, then discuss. He should get the hint.
2007-08-01 07:53:25 · answer #10 · answered by Qyllix 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋