Well I just found out in June that My husband was cheating on me with a fellow employee. He stated that they only talked on the phone, but that is still cheating when you have to hide and lie about it. Now he is stating that he more or less does not want to save our marriage, I still love him and have been doing everything in my power to try to reason with him. I cant figure out what she has that I dont except maybe the newness, maybe he is going through a midlife crisis? I dont know he changes from day to day. But he finally told me over the weekend he was unhappy and didnt want to spend any time with me. (That is I believe what happened from the start of his eyes roaming) I have lost alot of weight over the past two months, I am totally disabled, so it isnt easy, especially trying to walk, but Ive been dealing with the pain, taking my meds right before and laying down after. There is so much more, I dont know what to do here. He's talking divorce, Im in limbo. We have no children.
2007-08-01 06:19:19 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
There is nothing one person can do to save a marriage. If the other person wants out, the marriage is over.
I would try not to appear desperate. Neediness is not attractive. Do everything to show yourself that you can make it without him. Make a huge effort to build up your strength and self-confidence. In that way, you will be as ready as possible for a divorce, while at the same time reminding him of what he saw in you to begin with.
Good luck.
2007-08-01 06:27:09 · answer #1 · answered by Tricia R 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
As difficult as it is to accept divorce, what more harm emotionally or otherwise will you do to yourself if you are the only one fighting to save your marraige!? And even if you did win his heart back, can you truly beleive that this owont happen again? Can you continue on with yur marraige and not throw this in his face everytime things get tuff? I am glad children arent involved that makes it way more difficult. Your husband has to be the one who wants to stay with you. You can probably not do anything to change his mind at this point!
Way back when (30 yrs ago)...............I found out I was pragnet
by my boyfriend. I had been married before to a VERY abussive husband- llike the burning bed movie! I divorced and met this guy and we were together over a year when I got pragnet. At first we were both excited. We told everyone. Then all of a sudden he changed! He denied me and the baby to friends, to his parents and siblings. It was horrible!!! When I was 6 months along, he diapeared - never to be seen again! EVER! I was devestated! I was so in love and he crushed me! I thought I would never get over it! I knew I would die! I tried to change myself so he would want me again. I did everything I could think of to keep his heart. I was so distraught the baby came almost 3 months early and could have died! It took 4 years before I could accept things and get on with my life! When I was willing to move on, God put someone else in my life who I am still married to, who adopted my sone and we wenton to have more children! I still wonder about "him" on occassion. And it took a long time to realize that it was him - not me and that he didnt want to be with me and I may never know the reason! I look up his name once in a while on the internet! Sometimes I want to take our son to meet him and let him "slap him the face" with the reality of here I am dad, why did you dump my mom? But you know, I beleive that God has a plan for our lives. I know that no matter what, time does help heal. I know we may not always have the answers, I know that love can happen more than once! I know that you can find the strength to let go and move on no matter how horrible and betrayed you feel right now. I think I would tell him fine. Move out and take your personal things with you. These are the things I am keeping. Go get on with your life! Enjoy. Thanks for the goodtimes.
I am also disabled. I have been most of my married life. Dont let that be a stumbling block.
2007-08-01 06:37:43 · answer #2 · answered by tpettee 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, my sympathies are with you. What a jerk of a guy he is being. He made a VOW to stick by you in sickness and in health and he's not fulfiling his pledge to you. If you are church-going people, I'd suggest you get advice from your pastor or church counselor. But if you are not, then I'd say you should go see a lawyer so that when this man divorces you, YOU get your share of everything you own and have (and then some) so you can hired help when you need it. Don't wait for him to file for divorce...go see a lawyer now. And..this is impt....don't move out of your house! The person staying in the house is the one who usually gets it. God Bless you.
2007-08-01 06:31:52 · answer #3 · answered by Wiser1 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Totally disabled? Pain meds? When and how did this happen? It is really hard for someone to care for a disabled person and see them in pain and medicated every day. You are ill, I understand, but you couldn't imagine what it does to the other person. Maybe he can't take it. Maybe he feels that this isn't what he signed up for. Men can be shallow like that. But if this rat bastard leaves you because he can't take the heat, screw him and his midlife crisis. What an Ahole. He vowed to be with you good and bad, and now he wants to run? Fuking kick him out with your good foot and tell him he'll hear from your lawyer. And to have his checkbook ready.
2007-08-01 06:29:09 · answer #4 · answered by Ade 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
It is tough when men of God don't speak God's truth about marriage restoration and healing. But you need to ask yourself, "What does God say?" His Word is all that matters and that is what we need to listen to. What promises has God made you? What words has He spoken to your heart? These are the things you need to cling to even more strongly now.
Remember the Israelites at the Red Sea. They were facing an impossible situation. They were looking at the sea, knowing the enemy was behind them, and they were saying, "No way!" But we serve the One who can make a way through the sea. Listen very carefully and you will hear Him whisper to your heart. Take heed of His instruction and hold His words in your soul. That water will part and your path will become clear.
"For this God is our God for ever and ever; he will be our guide even to the end." Psalm 48:14.
Your actions every day need to tell your spouse (and others) that you will be waiting forever.
"For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does. The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ." 2 Corinthians 10:3-5.
Remember who it is that has control of your spouse right now. Our spouse is not the enemy. Satan is the enemy and he will use whatever tricks he can to destroy families. We just have to keep walking; keep believing; keep praying.
You CAN stand just a little longer. You CAN walk just a little further. Just keep walking with Jesus and He will soon lead you out of that valley.
Please don't give in to satan. I will be praying for you. Please send me your name and your husbands name.
2007-08-01 07:17:13 · answer #5 · answered by Becky M 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What you have to do is face reality and have acceptance for his decision no matter how painful it may seem. Even after 22 years of course you love him and always will be at least he told you this now and not later in life. I would say go on with his wishes and you will become a better person and find someone else later on. Just focus on yourself.
2007-08-01 06:24:10 · answer #6 · answered by Txgirl23 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he has have been given used to being on his very own 5 days a week. intercourse on a weekend does not make up for the days you're lacking. He is familiar with that he can handle devoid of you previous themes could be between the themes yet for him to ask for a divorce there's a plenty deep rooted situation. Marriage counselling would help yet i doubt it. i comprehend the strain that's putting on you is tricky I unquestionably have have been given the comparable.I artwork removed from abode for as much as 3-4 weeks at a tI'me yet as quickly as I come abode intercourse is nil. that's my 2nd marriage additionally im 50 and my spouse is sixty two. I desire you good success and desire issues artwork out for the appropriate.
2016-10-01 04:51:15 · answer #7 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm so sorry you're going through this!
That "midlife crisis" stuff is just BS. People use it as an excuse to do whatever they want.
Have you tried going to counseling? Did he say why he is unhappy? Perhaps it is something you both can work through. I hope so.
Best of luck to you.
2007-08-01 07:06:42 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Basics you should know:
"In Love" is seeing the other person as perfect and dreaming of a perfect life.
"Loving" is accepting the good and bad.
Being honest and true to yourself allows other to know you better and hence love you more.
Happiness is a personal choice.
You can not make someone else happy.
You can only share your happiness.
Confidence is attractive.
After 22 years, of course he isn't "in love" with you. He knows you better than "in love". The question is does he still "love" you (accept you completely)?
Good luck
2007-08-01 06:59:21 · answer #9 · answered by snack_daddy10 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds alot like a mid life crisis. He is regretting the decisions he made in his life.
Unfortunately it is hard to say what to do except see if he will talk to a counselor. Good luck.
2007-08-01 06:45:12 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋