My ex-husband has custody of our kid's. I know 2 are not his biological kids. What can I do to get them back.

Question

Sorry to mislead the question I asked.
me and my ex have joint custody of the kids, at the time, i lost my job and things got hard, so they went to stay with him. The kid's are with both of us all the time, at the time the kid's where conceived, we both was out there. My ex stepped up and took on the father role, knowing maybe one day, he would find out the real truth.
Now the kid's don't want to be with him and want to come live with me permantely. I'm not trying to tear up a home, I just want my kid's to be happy, they are now in there teens, so they can make a dissicion on who they want to stay with. Me and my ex have always gotten along to do what's best for the kid's, we are both great parents.

Answer 1

You should be aware that it is normal as kids get older to want to expand their borders. Their dad has probably set some parameters that restrict their being able to do whatever they want to do. The best thing you can do is talk privately with your ex-husband first and get an understanding of what has occurred that your children are unhappy with. Most likely, you need to support their Dad in his decisions and leave the custody thing the way it is. Kids will play one parent against the other, even if the parents aren't divorced. Do what's in the best interest of your kids even if you don't like it. That would show real maturity on your part.

Answer 2

Ok, this will be lengthy and will not bash your question.
First, gaining custody of non-paternal children will be quite difficult as the biological parents will always have first rights (unless they are unfit to be parents). If your ex and you do get along as well as you say, then the right thing would be to talk to each other about it. Since your children are teenagers, include them in the conversation and work together on a comprimise.
Second, if the two children he has is not his biological children, he can do nothing to stop you from taking them back, as long as you are not unfit and that you did not abandon them. If you remained an active part of their lives, you have the legal rights to take them back. It may not be fair to your ex, but it is your right.
Third, if you do not wish to create problems with your ex, a mediator of the court would be the best option. A mediator is cheaper than an attorney, is there for the best interest of BOTH parties and not just the interest of one, and, if the decision of the mediator is accepted, it is binding in any court.

I recently when through a seperation and we decided to work through the custody issues of our daughter together. We downloaded the custody forms from the state website, filled it out, went to court, discussed it with the court attornies, then in front of a judge. What we agreed upon was accepted by the court and is now binding. When the two of you can work it out together, it is always the best solution. Justbe sure that whatever you work out is put into writing and bound by the courts. It cost me a total of $120.00 in court costs for what would have cost thousands between the two of us by going through an attorney. Also, if we went the attorney route, it would have taken much longer, gotten much uglier, and would have given our child a very negative outlook on the relationship. Her mother and I get along better now than we ever did and our daughter is very happy and full of life.

Answer 3

I dont think you came here for a bunch of negative answers to your question! No one knows all the details and no one has all the answers! I think it is great your hubby stepped up to the plate when he needed to. If you get along as well as you say you do, then why not talk to him about it and then talk to the kids about it with him! Sometimes, the kids play parents against each other. Couldnt you share time with the kids???
I think you are searching for an honest answer for an honest question! First of all, things should determined if maybe the rules at his home are just too strict and they dont like it! You need to know the reasons why they dont want to live with him anymore! Depending on the answers, you may want to encourage them to stay with him, but to have more time with you to visit! You could go to court and let the kids tell the judge how they feel and why! Often times, when kids are teenagers, the judge will listen to the teens and although they dont get to legally choose where they live, the judge will take their desires into consideration! I dont dont really understand fully how your husband got custody of children that biologicallyhis unless he had adopted them, or because their natural father isnt in the picture or ?????? It is commendable that he made the choice to take on the responsibility of raising and supporting children who arent his! Try to work it out between yourselves first. Then, if it was court ordered custody, go back to court and tell the judge you both agree on whatever arrangements you talked about with him and the kids! Try not to turn it into a battle.

Answer 4

Okay, talk to a lawyer first. They will request that you go out and get a paternity test done. Also, try to establish stability in every way possible and by the way, do your children know that this man is not their father? And if this man is the only paternal figure these kids know and he treats them well, then what's the problem? Only thing I do think you should do is if they know that isn't their dad and they honestly don't even want to be there, then that's when you can go and try whatever it is you'd like to try.

Always keep in mind the best interest of your children comes first.

Answer 5

Kids in their teens need a strong father in their lives whether they agree with that or not. Their resistance is their need for independance, but they need that enfluence anyway. Girls need their dads so they don't start dating too early and get caught in a relationship that could be abusive or result in pregnancy. Boys need their dads so they can learn to respect and treat women right. Either way, unless your ex is not being a good parent, do not take away the kids from their dad.

Answer 6

If the father has custody of the children then that would make me think you must of been a horrible mother for the court to give him custody.
Since you admit that two are not his biological children that also makes me think you were a horrible wife as well.
Finally, the biological bond is not as strong as the emotional bond between the children and the man who has raised them.
A father is made out of love not DNA. Any man can be a sperm donor, but being a father takes a lot more.

For you to get your children back you will have to improve yourself several ways and show that you can maintain these changes. This mean social, financially, emotionally, as a woman, as a mother and as a human being. Then and only then will you deserve to get you kids back.

Answer 7

If you and your ex get along so well, sit down and discuss the situation with everyone there. If the kids can choose where they want to be, don't bother with a lawyer. This doesn't seem like much of a problem to me, especially because everyone is on friendly terms.

Answer 8

Well, if he is listed on the birth certificates as their father, or has acted as their father in public (which he obviously has) then the court DOES consider him the father.

Biology has little to do with being a parent.

Answer 9

So you were fine with him supporting them when it benefited you? And now you are going to break his heart and the kids'? Seems like you should have thought about that when you were screwing around behind his back. You definitely will need a lawyer, but don't expect anyone to feel sorry for you.

Answer 10

And he has custody because he kidnapped them, or because the judge decided you were such a good mother that the kids would be better off living without you?