I have two girls and their dad and I got a divorce about 7 years ago due to his infidelity. Since then I have married the love of my life and moved. Well my oldest daughter who was 9, decided she wanted to live with her dad when we caught her stealing from us and lying. I confronted her on this and Dad made me the bad guy and claimed she didn't respect me. Therefore, I let her move to her dad's without a fight. Fast forward 4 years. Well, now she is doing all the same things to her dad that she did to me. They have cameras all over the place in their house, bugs on their phone, locks on their bedroom door, pantry and fridge. My question is, my daughter never comes to see me unless it is her birthday or Christmas. Should I still buy her stuff or just not bother? I had her in counseling for a long time but her Dad decided that nothing was wrong and took her out. She doesn't want anything to do with me even though I have done nothing wrong. I have tried to reach out but to no avail.
2007-08-01 05:12:39 · 9 answers · asked by sewcrafty 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
I haven't given up on my daughter. I still go to her ball games and call her once a week. I have sat her down and told her how much I loved her. I have also told her that I want a relationship with her. We both cried and I thought worked it out. However, I still get the same response from her. I still believe that she will turn herself around. I didn't just ship her off to her Dad's. She wanted to go. She made my life hell until I agreed. I cried myself to sleep for weeks after the decision. I still love her and she will always be my baby.
I asked about the gift thing because she tells everyone including her Dad that I am trying to BUY her into coming home. I buy the same $ amount for each of my three children. However, she runs and tells everyone that I am buying her affection. I am not, I am just trying to make sure everyone is equal.
2007-08-01 06:32:22 · update #1
She has been difficult but sometimes you have to see from her side. Children always have to pay a price for any divorce and she definitely did. She may have done a lot of the bad things she did out of anger. And she may still think you abandoned her. Although to you, she asked to go, but she may not have seen it that way. Part of her may have been difficult hoping you and her dad will get together again.
If you really love her you just have to be patient and continue supporting her not through buying things but for moral support. Don't expect her to see you often. She's probably still angry that you messed up her life. You feel you did nothing wrong but she can't see that part of the picture.
So be patient and supporting and don't expect immediate results. You can only hope that one of these days, when she feels she really needs someone (such as she gets into some trouble or crisis) that she'll turn to you. That will then be a turning point in your relationship.
2007-08-01 18:29:14 · answer #1 · answered by Chris 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow. I'm sorry to hear about your complicated situation (hugs). Sounds like she is dealing with some major emotions that she does not know how to express in a healthy manner. I'm guessing she took the divorce rough and now she's at "that age" when life is SO complicated anyway.
I would still buy her things. She is still your daughter after all and when it comes to situations like that, someone has to be the adult; be the bigger person. Since she's young, that automatically defaults to you having to be the grown up. When she gets older, she will see the error of her ways and want to reconnect. As long as she can look back on these times and see that you were still reaching out to her and didn't give up on her, she'll appreciate that.
Good luck to you and God bless your family!
2007-08-01 06:08:12 · answer #2 · answered by YSIC 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The whole family needs to be in counseling....stealing to the point that there are cameras and locks all over the house is not normal. You guys divorced, she acted out, trying to get attention, feel important, and instead she got shipped off to the other parent (doesn't matter what really happened, that's how she felt) She felt unloved and unwanted by her own mother, not worth the trouble to try to help...no wonder she wants nothing to do with you. Do you think that the gifts mean anything? Do they mean something to you, or are you just being polite so that you can say you cared?
2007-08-01 05:27:20 · answer #3 · answered by reddevilbloodymary 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are still her mother. A mother should love her
child unconditionally. You may feel that she just isn`t interested in you or what you have to say, so what. You are the adult and should act like one not
like a child. It is hard to love someone who you feel doesn`t reciprocate. So, Yes you should still buy her stuff. You should also send her cards and short notes during the year to let her know that you are a caring mom, even if she doesn`t want to face it.
I think you should talk to her sister also and see if
her sister will be willing to write to her just to keep
up with the news. This may make her interested in
your lives and want to know more. Even if it doesn`t, you will be doing what is right and setting a good example on how to act.
2007-08-01 05:26:31 · answer #4 · answered by Blessed 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My parents split up when I was 5. My mom decided she was too good for my dad and that she could do better in life without him or me. She remarried and has kids by the new guy. I'm now 21 and I have not heard from her since I was about 8. She completely gave up on me. I went through a phase of stealing, doing drugs and being promiscuous. My dad never gave up on me. I put him through hell from the time I was 12 until I was 19. He got therapy for me, forced me to finish school and even bailed me out of jail once. It took a lot of faith and tough love, but he NEVER gave up on me. I've completely turned my life around. For the first time in my life, I'm in a stable relationship, I'm holding an honest, decent job, I'm completing college next year and I'm supporting myself. No one ever thought I could do that -- except my dad.
To this day, I respect my dad more than anyone on the planet for never giving up on me. But I do still have an empty feeling in the pit of my stomach, a feeling of pure hatred and resentment, for my mother because she never loved me or supported me and completely disowned me b/c it was "too hard".
No one EVER said parenting would be easy. It takes a strong person to be a good parent.
I guess what I'm trying to say is---don't give up on your daughter. She may be tough to handle, but she needs your love, support, and understanding more than ever right now. Don't let her down.
2007-08-01 05:34:42 · answer #5 · answered by angel of death 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She is making adult decisions on ruining her life at a young age. She will always be your daughter, but if she has made the choice not to have anything to do with you, then accept that...have no contact with her...and let her Dad sort things out. She is his little bundle of "joy" now.....he wanted her, he can have all her problems and deviancy.
2007-08-01 05:18:42 · answer #6 · answered by Zombie Birdhouse 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
this is how she is coping w/ the divorce u should still buy her presents on her bday and things 2 show her that u still care and want 2 b ther 4 her
2007-08-01 05:16:43 · answer #7 · answered by yahoo 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
if my children didnt want anything to do with me i would be devistated try hard and let her know how much you love her if you love her enough you will fight for her intil you are blue in the face do not let your little girl go
2007-08-01 05:19:54 · answer #8 · answered by Girly! 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
"Should I still buy her stuff or just not bother?"
That's your daughter you are talking about. You love her with everything that you can give and wait for her to reciprocate when she is ready.
2007-08-01 05:17:40 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋