I have been with my wife for almost four years now. A month ago things got real weird. She has become addicted to the internet and has multiple emails and web sites which I have no problem with but lately she closes everything when I walk into the room. When she logs off at night she erases all history where I cant even find pages I was on. I have access to all of her emails I know of but her myspace. We tell each other all of our passwords but she has given me false pwords multiple times. She started to claim she wanted to be with me and another woman at the same time which I sure have NO problem with. So now she is on adultfriendfinder and other websites searching personals. All this came without warning. I am concernd she is hiding secrets by the way she acts sneaky about things. I have caught her in lies before. Is this just leading up to the biggest lie of all? I love her but I am not willing to be hurt. Do I need to leave before she drops a bombshell on me or ride things out?
2007-08-01 04:48:23 · 17 answers · asked by Michael D 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You need to confront her about this recent behavior. Find out what is up with her and get her to talk to you about it.
Counseling could really help you. If after all that, she's still sneaking around, then you can consider throwing in the towel.
2007-08-01 04:52:43 · answer #1 · answered by LB 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Aww, Im sorry for you. As someone who has cheated(not proud of that and i was a bit younger and not married) It is suspicious. However maybe she is just embarassed that she is looking those things up. I owuld ask her outright why she has to delete the history on the computer. Tell her you would feel more comfortable if she is trying to find a female that you two do it together....If she is resistant, give her an ultimatum. If she has given you reason to not trust then you have every right to do so, but try to get all the facts.. good luck
2007-08-01 11:54:05 · answer #2 · answered by wishful 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try talking to her first. Ask her what's up, that you know she's hiding something but that you don't know what it is, and what is going on that she doesn't feel that she can share with you? Ask her to share, that you aren't criticizing her, because you don't even know what the secret is, only that there appears to be one. Just say, "Please share with me".
If she starts denying anything is going on, say wait a minute...I know the history is being erased because I went to look up a site that I visited, and there's no history. You're not sharing with me. Why? I need you to share what is going on.
Then, if she still denies anything...you try again the next day, and the next, for a week, or a month...
and if she still won't talk to you...and only then...do you install the keylogger because she isn't going to come clean with you no matter how many times you give her the opportunity to just tell you instead of snooping on her activities.
Then you can say to yourself, I gave her many many chances, and so I don't feel guilty installing the keylogger.
You're her husband. You do have a right to know who you are married to, no matter how many people will say that the computers should be private.
Not THAT private.
2007-08-01 15:35:55 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to find out what is going on, hon, pure and simple. There are lots of things on the internet, stuff you and I have no idea about... (p.s., and yes, you would indeed have a tough time with a third.... THE sure way to end your marriage if you were raised with any sense of family and morality at all.... this may indeed be the 21st century, but that, for sure is not... your marriage wouldn't last two years after that..)
Does she have a job?
Though I wouldn't have any problem with her keeping some of her pass words secret, nor that she even erases history, it sound as if her attitude is giving her away... When I would walk into the room when my ex had on his computer, he as well shut everything off.... he became addicted to computer porn, and it finally go sooooo bad that he watched the stuff more hours in the day that he worked.... He'd get home at 6', pour a few tall ones, and pass out in front of it. Come to bed at 2a, get up to go to work at 7a yadaydadadyay.. It went on for years... I finally left when all of his addiction put me at number 6 on his list of priorities. It seems to me this is where she is headed... Sorry for you hon...
2007-08-01 12:00:37 · answer #4 · answered by April 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would install a keylogger onto the computer with a screen image capture feature. You will then be able to get into her various accounts and learn what she is up to.
As for staying or going, that breaks down to is it worth it.
Is she looking for something she needs or something she thinks she needs?
She may learn that she already has everything and only needs to learn that she already has it.
A person is not a good person if they are not capable of doing bad. What makes a person good is their choosing to do good.
I would observe and guide, but let her make her own decision or at least let her think she is making them.
2007-08-01 13:25:05 · answer #5 · answered by snack_daddy10 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She is hiding something from you...She is looking for someone to feel a void in her life. You should talk to her and demand that she get off those websites and cease all communication with whomever she is corresponding with. Do this now before it is too late. If she refuses and still wants to continue with this obsession, then tell her you want a separation.
2007-08-01 11:54:49 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I do think it's suspicious that she is closing down all applications once you come in the room. She is obviously trying to hide something. Let her know that she can tell you anything and maybe she will share with you. Good Luck!!
2007-08-01 11:54:13 · answer #7 · answered by frawlicious 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you've both agreed to another woman, then you tell your wife that the two of you should be checking out the web sites together...that's only fair.
I'm sorry though, she's definitely up to something....tell her to cut the crap and start getting real, or she can watch you walk out the front door...
2007-08-01 11:55:24 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Disconnect the computer-call her out on what you might think is a lie- or you could just ask her what she's up to--the downside to that is she might lie if you try talking to her--I think you should just act instead of talk-you might want to try unhooking the computer and questioning whatever you might think is a lie--you'll find out what she's up to alot quicker than you would just by asking her.
2007-08-01 11:55:12 · answer #9 · answered by EspysMom 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
its does sound like she is hiding something or that something is going on, i would try to talk to her and tell her how all this is making you feel and bothering you and see what she says.
you both have to be open with each other in order for it to work and if she is not being open with whats really going on i would start to try to get out.....sorry dude 4 yrs is a long time to be with someone and care for them and have them doing this too you...it happened to me ,just be glad you dont have kids involved it makes this 10 times harder moving on!!!
2007-08-01 11:57:01 · answer #10 · answered by slim 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋