(some)Women bring it on themselves?

Question

I recently posted a question regarding a longstanding friendship with my high school ex, and his somewhat dissaproving fiance.

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AjTsrDpvty2fdt5g1ZHFfAPsy6IX?qid=20070801075418AA1wogo

I've gotten so many nasty responses, saying I should cut ties with him, because his future wife is uncomfortable with our friendship.

Here's my take on things; Insecure women ruin their relationships by letting their insecurities dictate their feelings.

Newsflash: Not every other human with a vagina is a threat.

Why is it so unnacceptable for a heterosexual man and a heterosexual women to be friends?

Why do most women automatically assume that a female friend is out to steal their man? And why is it so difficult to get to know the female friend, see what she's all about,before jumping to such an UNWARRENTED conclusion.
My fiance has many female friends, most of which I've become quite close to. Am I the only woman capable of rational thought?

For the record...we dated for roughly 3 months back in highschool. We grew up together, his parents and mine are close, and he has been like family for roughly 10 years.

I didn't 'LOVE' him romantically. We had a three month fling....that HARDLY constitutes love.

Oh, I would never make him choose between the two of us. That woman is going to be his wife....I respect that. And, truthfully, I think she is sweet and kind, and absolutely beautiful. I'm happy he's found someone that suits him.

Answer 1

My best friend is female. We also dated for a short time, but killed taht (long distance, and religous reasons, I am VERY jewish and she is VERY Catholic).

My greatest difficulty in relationships is getting the new girlfriend to accept that my best friend is a female who I dated for a short time.

I REFUSE to lose a 15+year friendship for the sake of jealousy. She has been through the ringer a time or two as well, I have met every man she ever considered serious, and gave her my opinion, I was wrong on a couple, thought they would be OK, and turned out to be a**holes (she never lets me live that down either..:)

That said, it's not just the females partners that say that, I havea few emails from her now ex's, pretty colorful too, describing what they thought I was REALLY doing, what they thought my alterior motives were, etc.

No you;re not the only woman capable of rational thought, just one of the few....:)

Answer 2

I am still really good friends with my grade school sweetheart. No really he was my first "boyfriend", from 6th to 8th grade. We stayed best friends in high school and college and now almost 30 years later we are still really good friends. Granted we never had sex. EWWWW he's like my brother. Anyway, he plans on coming to see me this winter. The only thing my husband said was, he can stay here but he's not sleeping in our bed. I think it's possible. But you really do have to respect the feelings of his new wife. Your his past, she's his present and his future. If you think she's insecure or not, I would not make him choose between your friendship and his marriage. More than likely you will loose.

Answer 3

Everyone is different on this issue. In general I would agree with your position. But it does speak to the larger issue of trust in a relationship and if it starts with that much distrust and jealousy, you have to wonder how long it will last.

But there are other issues that come into play. Is the guy hiding his friendship from his fiance/girlfriend or being secretive about the relationship? Does he include the friend AND the fiance/girlfriend in events or does he try to see the friend with out hs girlfriend around? Is the friend a former girlfriend - in this case, I think it's very reasonable for a fiance/girlfriend/wife to feel threatened and/or be suspicious about the relationship. Generally speaking though, I think people need to trust one another or relationships are doomed to failure.

Answer 4

I understand, and to break it off well ... truth be told marriages don't last too long these days either. I lost a truly great friend because his wife didn't trust me. We didn't "break it off" we just let keeping in touch slide. Now I've heard he's divorced from her and he came to make ammends. My brother never got his # and his is unlisted. So now a friendship is lost because of insecurity. I didn't have romantic feelings for him I just wanted to be a friend to the both of them, we had seen a lot of rough times together and had always helped each other thru it.

So my advise try to keep the friendship, no matter how weak or strong it may be, if it's important enough to you. Maybe one day she'll see you're not really going after him at all. But jealousy is just an animal instict and we can't really help it, most males are protective of their "mates" as well, we all like to "gather" not always share !!!

Answer 5

Why did you ask this question is you are unwilling to accept any of the answers due to them NOT being what you want to hear?
My take on this is that no matter what you think, feel or believe.. IF his girlfriend feels that a continuing "friendship" with you would make her uncomfortable then you are history in his life. He will end up doing whatever it takes in order to insure a successful relationship with her.
IF the tables were turned and you required your boyfriend to change something in his life in order to make you feel more secure, I can assure you that he'd do the same thing for you.
Bottom line... what you believe in this is of no consequence and the outcome is out of your hands and out of YOUR control.
Move on.

Answer 6

I agree some women are a bit to insecure and make there partner crazy !!!! My husband has a lot of female friends a i to have become close to some of them !!!
I think it's just the fact that she may think that because y'all had something to do with each other in the past that your going to take her man !!!! Although it may not be the way things are!!!!
Or maybe she's jealous of the bond that y'all share you say that your family's are even close maybe she finds that a bit hard to deal with like if you have more in common with him than she does being his wife!

Answer 7

I just think a majority of people are insecure, controlling, jealous, and fearful. Wives never liked me either, and I eventually had to give up the few male friends I ever had. Maybe your friend's wife will be big enough to get over such petty, selfish jealousy. She should also try trusting her husband! I get sick of trying to prove to people that I'm not out to hurt them or make them lose anything, whether it's a job or a husband. Sheesh, people!

Answer 8

You just don't quit do you? LEAVE THE MAN ALONE! it is not just your and his feelingds here that have to be considered. It is his fiance, you know? The one that just had his baby? What is so hard to understand that you need to stay away. It does not matter what your intentions are, she doesn't want you around, so abide by her wishes. You sound like you have no kids and don't know what it is like to go through child birth, then combie that with the fact that your husband is hanging out with an ex! She doens't need the stress of having you in her life now, so just go away. And no, i do not think that that every one with a vagina it a threat, and she probably doesn't either. But she obviously doesn't like you and wants you to go away.

Answer 9

I agree with u completely! My husband has female friends i am neither jealous r intimidated by them. It sounds like most of the people in this world r very insecure bout themself and most r not n a trusting relationship as u and i have

Answer 10

No your not the ONLY one capable of rationale thought, there's at least one more... My husband works in a place with mostly females so of course they are buddies, I am fine with that and most of my buddies are male, he's fine with that too. But boy, people sure to talk about us and think it's strange. We live in a small town and just let me go to lunch with one of my male friends, tongues start wagging! Oddly enough, it seems ok for him to have lunch with another female though.