I thought everything was going great in our life. I didn't realize I wasn't paying him attention. Our daughter is only 6 weeks old and I'm giving him sex so thats not the problem. He said it's not the physical part it's mentally,and that I don't even acknowledge he's there anymore. Anyways he stayed out from 11pm till 8am last friday night and said he was at a party with an old friend named Benjy, who I know but he would lie for my hubby if I ask if they were at a party. He also turned his phone off. Was he with a woman? Saturday morning he apoligized and told me he does not want me and our daughter to leave and he will straighten up. I also told him I will try to pay him more attention. I want my marriage to work, I love my husband and want my daughter to grow up with both her parents. Did he cheat? and should I leave him? He has never ever stayed out all night in the 6 years we've been together until last friday. HELP!!!
2007-08-01 04:15:25 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
he swore he didn't cheat but i still don't believe him.
2007-08-01 04:24:06 · update #1
This is a pretty common problem. He has realized that he is no longer the first priority in your life. You need to sit down and talk with him. The two of you chose to bring a baby into this world, that child now needs to be the 1st priority for both of you. This does not need to take away from your love or devotion to each other. Discuss with him that this does not lessen your love for each other but you must both think of the baby first. You also need to spend some time alone together, the biggest mistake couples make with a new baby is that it stops all their old activities. While it does change some things, as long as you have access to a reliable babysitter it does not need to change everything. The baby's needs are the first thing but not the only thing.
2007-08-01 05:02:00 · answer #1 · answered by ophirhodji 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Sweet Pea it is very common for a man to feel lonely when you have a new baby. What you have to do is try to have the little one asleep by the time the hubbie comes home that way you can spend at least 2 to 3 hours with him. Yes, it is hard because a baby requires some much of the mothers time but you don't want to lose the interest of your hubbie. When you and him are alone listen to him make him feel important, involve him when the baby when he/she is up and about. You have to learn how to juggle the new baby and the hubbie. It will work, you have to just keep trying. I don't think he cheated on you I think he was looking for the much needed attention. Make a schedule that will work for you and your family. You have to remember before the baby you were married to him at least 5 years and he is use to it only being just the two of you, I am not saying he don't love the baby but it is hard for men to jump right into fatherhood sometime. He went out to make a point, not to hurt you. He wanted you to see that this is how you treat him, not showing him any attention and he wanted you to feel the same way. be considerate and communicate More. It will work i promise and God bless!
2007-08-01 04:30:10 · answer #2 · answered by b n real 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Best to forget it and move on.
If it does not occur again, great.
That first kid is a major change for a guy. Write this off to blowing off steam and stress relief.
Yes, I know he has never stayed out all night before but he hasn't had a new mom as wife and baby at home before.
If you don't think all the changes you went through have not had an affect on him as well, you are mistaken. Both of you are in a serious change of situation. This is not the toime to start questioning your relationship. Let things settle down for a while.
Accept his explanation, accept his willingness to "straighten up" and get on with your marriage.
You will be far better off to forget about "did he cheat?".
Put the thought about leaving out of your head.
The baby will take 23 of 24 hours of your life for a while. Make sure that you save at least an hour a day for each other.
BTW No matter how much it feels like it, lack of sleep is not fatal.
2007-08-01 05:47:26 · answer #3 · answered by Flagger 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
You may never know what he did that night. And honestly you sound as though that really isn't the issue. Once there's a newborn in the house the baby has to take priority. You're a new Mom and this is the time that you and the baby will bond the most. He really needs to understand that. That doesn't mean however that you should just ignore him. Incorporate him into your time with the baby. Experience it together! And when it's time for the baby to sleep grab onto him and do something together. He may be nervous about being a new father, I'm assuming for the first time? That can really put a lot of pressure on him as well. He may just be acting out because he really doesn't know what to do with himself.
2007-08-01 04:26:13 · answer #4 · answered by jwsou812 3 · 3⤊ 1⤋
The first year with a new child is very hard because you are forced to change your priorities. My people do stupid stuff to try and hang on to the freedom of pre-baby days. It will pass. Now you need to focus on the now and look to the future. As for the past, even yesterday is gone so let it go.
Did he cheat? Maybe, but it could of been as innocent as a conversation with another woman. He is with you and your child. Try and bring out the fun of being a parent, but don't forget to still be a lover & friend to your spouse.
2007-08-01 04:39:40 · answer #5 · answered by snack_daddy10 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Let's not assume the worst. He may be feeling the anxiety of the newborn baby & how the dynamics have changed. Validate his feelings and get him to validate yours. Is there anyone who can babysit for about an hour to hour and a half. You two need to go and have a nice dinner alone and you need to let him know that this baby is the best of the both of you and that your daughter needs him. Does he help much with the baby? Give him something to do with her so that he can bond with her.....We tend to forget that they need to bond with their children in the early months and I think that is where the "neglect" feelings come from. Again, If he has never stayed out like that before he might just have new daddy anxiety and we women tend to consume ourselves into this new life and we forget about our men. Communication is the key to a good marriage. Your baby needs two loving parents! Remember, your baby's needs will be met....But you and your husband need to take care of each other!
2007-08-01 04:31:03 · answer #6 · answered by kymmy_kins 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
hmmm...my guess was he was with a woman...what if something happened to the baby overnight to you or the baby and you could not get ahold of him??? that is a horrible thing...to leave off the phone because you are with another woman...just awful!!! It's also awful to just plain cheat anyway...no matter what's going on behind the scenes at home...now, if he was just making a statement...that's awful too...what if you two needed something? He needs to grow up and be a man and a father and a husband instead of being a child...! We can only hope he didn't cheat...did you ask him if he did? Tell him you still have worries that he cheated and you need to know the truth...you don't want to know 9 months down the road that he has another child on the way from someone else...sure, he needs attention too...but, geez...that's childish for a man to be jealous of a baby! why don't he show some attention to you as well...he can make a move on you too...start a conversation...he don't need to wait for you to speak...good luck!
2007-08-01 04:35:03 · answer #7 · answered by elvlayarvvi fEisty wife and mom 6 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Tell him to grow up. You have a 6 week old baby and he's supposed to be a grown man. He can learn to live with not being the center of your life for a little bit. The baby needs your attention now, and you're not depriving him of anything so he needs to grow up. Next time he stays out all night, have the locks changed by the time he gets back. Give him this one time get out of jail free but next time pack his **** and tell him to go sleep somewhere else cause he's def. up to something.
2007-08-01 04:20:55 · answer #8 · answered by urstruly8604 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The time and consideration given to your partner outside of the bedroom is often more important than what goes on behind closed doors.
If you want to turn him around fast, my best suggestion is to pamper him. Communication is important- call him when he was away just to let him know you were thinking about him. Ask how is day was. Get him involved with a combination of longterm and short term planning/goals/ideas. Try suprising him with a favorite meal. Line up a babysitter for an unexpected night out. If succesful, you should receive the same kind of attention in return.
The goal is to think and act in unison, not as husband and wife or mother and father.
2007-08-01 04:25:42 · answer #9 · answered by barn cat 2 · 4⤊ 1⤋
You need to talk have more communication about each others needs.
Do you do most of the work with the baby. Or do you do things together. There definately still has to be time set aside for you as couple, but doing things with the 3 of you as a family might help also.
2007-08-01 04:24:37 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋