I am dating a guy who just recently got divorced because his wife of 3 years and they dated for 3 years before that cheated on him, now he thinks I will do the same, and doesnt want to get married ever again. I have never felt this way about anyone before, I think he is my soulmate, how do I get him to marry me???
2007-08-01 04:15:11 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Ok to get things clear, we have been dating for 3 months, he says he loves me and he is just healing with the divorce, everything between us is perfect, and I am giving him time, and showing him that I love him with everything I have....do I tell him what I want out of the relationship down the road? Im not wanting to get married now, but in a year or so....we have 8 years between us, so I am ready to start a family and get married for my frst time, whereas hes already been married, finished school, and is now divorced....he says he would be everything a husband should be to me but not married...is it cause he is scared and still healing or...?
2007-08-01 04:31:53 · update #1
You can't push him into wanting to marry you. If you try you will just push him away. You have to prove to him that you are nothing like his ex. Let him see that you love him with you heart and soul, and be yourself. If he loves you he will see that you are nothing like his ex.
2007-08-01 04:18:48 · answer #1 · answered by miss_vixen_1985 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What the hell?
Shame on all of you that are encouraging her to go on with this relationship. This is a recipe for a heartbreak!!
You couldn't have been dating him that long because you said he just recently got divorced. So why on earth are you thinking marriage? He is defiantly not ready and he needs time to heal. You are a rebound most likely and you seem to be desperate. Maybe you should seek some counseling too. You are moving too fast and you need to give some space. Take things slow and don't be so eager, goodness!
3 months?? Oh wow that's such a long time. Are you serious? You don't really know him yet; and you say you want to marry him. Grow up, you sound really young. I hate to be so blunt but I have to keep it real!
2007-08-01 11:30:19 · answer #2 · answered by honeyb 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry to say this, but you are taking a big chance here.
The fact he is so bitter and angry is going to make it harder for you to make him see you for who you really are. He will always be judging you by the exe's standards. And please remember that he has already said he doesn't want to marry again- so you are warned already! Many women expect men to change their minds along the way, and end up waiting for years and years....
His trust has been shattered and who knows how long it will take him to regain it- if ever. Some people can never fully trust another person again.
You need to see that this is a reality you will have to deal with on a daily basis, because if you think that things will get better overnight and that he will suddenly trust you and confide in you as if nothing happened, you are in for heartache.
Good luck- Use your head and protect your heart.
2007-08-01 11:24:41 · answer #3 · answered by Nena S 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He only recently got divorced and you're already insisting on marriage? My dear, GROW UP. He needs time to heal be it on his own or through a therapist. Soulmates are what teenagers say when they're struck by puppy-love.
You need to let this one go for now and give him the time and space he needs to get over his ex. The man is divorced! He certainly doesn't need another woman weasling her way in and demanding marriage so soon.
2007-08-01 11:20:58 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
How long have you been with him? He may just need time to see that you can be trusted.
Oh you've only been with him for a little while. He is just going through the healing process. Be there for him. Show him you love him and support and eventually he will come around. He's just afraid of getting hurt again all he needs is a little time and a good woman.
2007-08-01 11:18:23 · answer #5 · answered by Ariel 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It just takes time. The truth is if he truly loved his ex when this happened he would have made an effort at least once to work it out. It's probably more that his pride was hurt more than anything. If you just show him over time that you are reliable and truly with him, he'll come around. But don't push the marriage thing. When the time is right and he's ready you'll know.
2007-08-01 11:34:07 · answer #6 · answered by jwsou812 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi...
There is something you don't realize here, and i hope you will protect yourself and give my thoughts a little consideration.
When a marriage breaks up, it's a serious, life change for the parties involved... your boyfriend was in the relationship for six years... a long time.
He isn't nearly prepared for another relationship right now.. he hasn't taken time to grieve the loss (even if HE was the one who left HER), to readjust to life, to figure out what direction he wants to take in life... instead he jumped from marriage to instant girlfriend.
In this case, you would be The Rebound Girl. He has jumped into this relationship to prove he's loveable again (to himself, and possibly to his ex). You will probably find that he wants you on HIS terms, and isn't giving much to the relationship otherwise -- this is because he has literally nothing to give emotionally. And no one who is just recently divorced has much to give.
It's a miracle when a person jumps from a long-term relationship right into a new one that will last or work, or be remotely "normal".
This situation isn't healthy for YOU or for him.
Please don't try to coax this man into marriage, or feel you can "change" or "save" him... he needs to take time to heal.
I don't think there's anything wrong with casual dating for him right now, but otherwise.. he doesn't ahve a lot to give.
you can go to the website below for more info. take care of YOU, hon... that's the best you can do.
hugs
2007-08-01 11:26:31 · answer #7 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It will be a long hard struggle and sounds like it may never happen. Good luck. I always heard not to date guys that are newly divorced because they come with a ton of baggage. I know my son was deeply hurt after his divorce and it took him about 3 yrs to trust again very much. For some reason it does a lot of damage to their trust that is for sure.
2007-08-01 11:20:49 · answer #8 · answered by ladynamedjane 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sweet Pea that's why people that do get divorce needs sometime to rejuvenate after coming out a marriage. Hate to say this but he is going to bring baggage in the relationship and it is not fair to you. I think counseling is need because if you do consider marriage in the future you don't want to have to take on the baggage from the previous marriage! Good luck and God bless!
2007-08-01 11:20:43 · answer #9 · answered by b n real 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You don't. Your BF have trust issues and even if you get him to marry you, if this goes uncheck, it will just creep back into his mind and you will end up hurt.
I think he should see a therapist and overcome this issue. If he can't move on, he will always have this thing hanging over his head when he has a relationship and it won't be healthy.
I know it was harsh for me to say it, but I see it the way you wrote it.
Good luck.
If he refuses, re-analyze your relationship. Would you want to be with someone who you know does not trust you?
2007-08-01 11:21:08 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You don't *get* him to marry you.
You need to let him work out his own issues on his own time. And be yourself - eventually he'll see that you're not like his ex and hopefully, he'll revise his opinion on marriage.
But - be wary. The few recently divorced men I've dated really weren't ready to be dating seriously. People need time to get over traumatic experiences!
2007-08-01 11:25:20 · answer #11 · answered by Durga sings the classics 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋