Married poeple- do you hang out with friends without your spouse?

Question

My single-never-married friend is dating a guy (long distance) that enjoys drinking with his buddies on the weekends. She allows it since they are not serious but claims that if they got married it would all come to a halt. I said she can’t expect him or any guy to just drop his friends and spend the rest of his days with no one except her. Guys need that “guy time” just as girls have their “girl time” together. I said once you get married and start a family that the “going out” phase kind of cools off but she should let him enjoy going out & drinking with his buddies at least 1-2 times a month or so. She thinks that is WAY too much. She said once a YEAR for a guy to hang out with his friends is plenty. And she basically said that she plans to alienate her friends when she marries and this guy should alienate his friends too and then they just have each other and can work on making their marriage work. Married couples- Is her way logical? Does it work that way? What works for you?

Answer 1

She is the classic reason marriages fail. She is pretending she is OK with him having friends, when in reality, she's not. She thinks after he is married to her, he will have no choice but to listen to her, because she will own him.
I have been married for 8 years. You are right, after you get married and have kids, the going out with friends does cool off for a while, but that's not to say it comes to a complete halt.
Both my husband and I have our girls/guys nights out. We need them to keep sane. I love him and he loves me, but sometimes you just need to hang with your friends. She is being completely unrealistic and she is in for a rude awakening, or he is, either way, I don't see it lasting on the long haul if this is how she thinks marriage should be. You are sharing your life together, but you are still two separate people.

Answer 2

If she takes his friends away he will resent that. There should be trust in a marriage and going out with your friends shouldn't matter. I agree it shouldn't be too often because he does have a wife at home. I am married and my husband and I give our friends one day a week to do what we like, but we come home early. Then we spend time with all our friends on some weekends (together). I find our marriage to be happier if we can allow alone time with friends. That shouldn't even be an issue, she may be a bit jealous or controlling. She's not even married yet so she may want to discuss this with him before they get married. He might realize that she isn't the one for him.

Answer 3

She's crazy and he'll be crazy to go along with her wishes on this subject. Every committed person also needs to have their friends!! In a marriage, your spouse needs to be the most important person in your life, but you cannot alienate all of your friends. The friends are an important part of who each person is. Going out 1-2 times per month is fine.

I try to get out and do my own thing about once per week. I need a break from the house and the kids. It works out to only about 3 hours per week, but I enjoy the "me time" and I look forward to it. Sometimes I use it to meet my friends for dinner, or I just go out and run some errands. Look at it this way - there are 168 hours in a week and 3 hours to myself is nothing.

Answer 4

I don't know anyone who's married who doesn't spend time away from their spouse with other friends or hobbies once a week. I guess maybe when your single or married w/o children you tend to spend your time together because you don't have too many other obligations and you generally have fewer common friends. For us it's the opposite however, we have 3 children now (all below 2 1/2 yrs) and many other time consuming obligations to education and supporting our family. So when we have time to go out or someone has a party, we may not have a baby sitter or the money needed to pay them, usually one go's and the other stays home. The way I see it is I love my husband very much and want him to be happy, which includes time away from us, I absolutely trust him (I know his values) so for me there's no issues other than compromising on who gets to leave.

Answer 5

Sweet Pea no one can predict what will happen once you get married. Lot's of things change and no I think guys need to have sometimes with friend and so do the ladies. There will never be a good enough answer for this situation at all. If they decide to get married and start a family things will change on it's own. The saying is"If you ever want to make God laugh, tell him your plans"! Good luck!

Answer 6

Hell No,,, and if that guy only knew what she says, he would never marry her. I have been married for 11 years and my husband gets out alot, he needs it, he needs his time. He is into horse races that is what makes him happy and he goes with a friend to them, I can not say that if he goes more then 2 a week then I get a little upset. but I give him 2 times a week to go do his thing. She is just crazy to even think that she can get married and tie him down, that will end up in him not being honest with her,.. no matter how much she tried to hold him down, he will find away to do what he wants to if he likes to have drinks with his friends,,, well it will be honey I had to work late,... but yeah right he is at some titty bar drinking with his friends. I think a relationship should be open and honest at all times, if my husband wanted to go to a titty bar and drink with his friends, as long as I knew it would be prefectly okay with me. She has got a ture shock for her coming...

Answer 7

Number one rule in marriage...you can not change people to be how you want them to be.
I am on my second marriage, and at my age, the way it was when we met is the way it is now. I do not expect him to change, and he does not expect me too either. My best girlfriend lives about an hour and half from us, but every other week, we get together. Usually I go to see her. I have done this for years and he has no problem with it.
Marriage does change people, but usually it just draws them closer together. When and if they get married, he may very well, back off from hanging around his friends, and the issue your friend is having, will resolve itself.

Answer 8

I had friends before I got married and I have them now. There is no way I would make my husband give up his friends and I would not expect to give up mine. We go out as a couple with friends from both sides but I have to have my girl time. Your friend is crazy in my opinion for thinking that way.

Answer 9

Sounds like she's heading for divorce before she even says "I do". My husband and I NEED time away from one another every so often. That doesn't mean we don't love each other, we just recognize the need for fresh air occasionally. That being said, I trust my husband and he trusts me. Is the issue that she doesn't trust him for some reason? If so, she should talk to him and maybe they can plan to all go out together, get to know each others friends better. Hope it all works out.

Answer 10

We've been happily married for almost 37 years, and we usually socialize as a couple, but that doesn't mean if either one of us really wants to go out with a separate group of people without our partner, that we don't go.

We both have enough love and trust that this is not an issue.

I'll tell you this though...

Whenever you start to hear words/phrases like "my money vs your money," or "my friends vs your friends," that relationship is on the highway to ruin, I promise you.