The cosmos; They cause, They cease...
Life begins... Life ends...
All truly just a viscious cycle of existence.
But what control do they have?
Being allowed the freedom of choice,
WE can control...
WE can mold...
...in every way our own destinies.
They will be proud
of what
They started.
2007-08-01 04:03:06 · 9 answers · asked by Captain Mozar 3 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Poetry
Please excuse my typing , it is not the best. I couldn't go back to correct any errors after I hit submit (unless someone out there knows how to do it).
2007-08-01 04:19:14 · update #1
It's not all that clear to me who you mean by "they". But maybe I am just being slow today...
"viscious": I suppose you mean "vicious"?
2007-08-01 04:11:17 · answer #1 · answered by Lady Annabella-VInylist 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, for starters, "cosmos" is not plural, it's singluar, so there is no "they"...maybe an "it", but no "they".
when you list items like "they cause, they cease, life begins, life ends", you are listing pairs of opposites, but "they cause" and "they cease" are not opposites. You might say, "they create, they destroy" or "they cause, they undo"...but then you can't say "they" so you might want to rethink the entire line.
Also, are you "sure" we can control anything? can we mold, and if so, what do we mold? or destiny? Most religions would say "no you don't" and even astrophysicists would probably disagree with you. However, you are entitled to your opinion...but your opinion needs to agree with its premise. In your poem you speak of the cosmos as something that can be "proud", which implies intelligence and self-awareness. If this is the case, you may be disproving your own hypothesis/conclusion if you admit such an entity exists.
This is a "state of being" poem, always difficult to do without taking a specific view...if you want to imply that we have self determiniation, you probably don't want to imply there is anything out there that would be proud.
Just a thought.
2007-08-05 16:09:16 · answer #2 · answered by Kevin S 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Destined Cycle
2007-08-01 04:12:20 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Over throwing the Cosmos?
2007-08-01 04:07:35 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Lost in Space
2007-08-04 22:15:57 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
nice...here's mine
Your eyes define the essence of beauty as if God had intricately designed your shades of blue with the intent of making others smile, like an arrangement of wild flowers... so natural... I don't even know you, but your eyes influence poetry, which makes me want to know your perspectives on this world with every intimate detail of your life... because if there is one thing that i want before i die... it is to know what this world looks like through your beautiful eyes
2007-08-01 04:09:26 · answer #6 · answered by skeezbucket 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's okay.
Title : Future Mine
2007-08-01 04:07:27 · answer #7 · answered by isingmore 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It really doesn't make much sense, and is a bit jumbled.
2007-08-04 17:46:11 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
How about just simply "DESTINY"
2007-08-01 04:07:21 · answer #9 · answered by Brian B 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋