Quick background. Rocky marriage w/ on&off counseling. Married life was blissful when I was an agreeable slave/doormat. She's a workaholic executive w/ infrequent/no libido (towards me) that only grudgingly stopped afterwork 1:1 wine ("Business meetings) w/ male friends.
She secretly keeps in touch w/ past-work male friends. Yes, I've snooped (until she changed her passwords) as she had turned secretive & emotionally distant. In snooping I've found she expresses interest in seeing them when they're in town, etc. but nothing explicit & I've not caught more than "hints".
Her interest in me has improved slightly as I've stopped doing everything around the house & started saying "NO". I'm back to hobbies, sports & business. I have guy friends that I do things with but absolutely no female friends.
Should I seek out female friendship for activities (tennis/biking) the wife is too busy for (that she used to do)?
2007-08-01 02:35:01 · 16 answers · asked by rfrfrfrfrfrf 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I've talked to her for the last two year about my concerns, her needs... everything. I get silence and evasion. Other than finally joining in a little on house chores (once I quit) - she refuses to (can't?) see emotional/intimacy issues from my perspective... & as one man earlier put it I have my choice between pity sex or no sex. Its also more than sex - it's the emotional distance being created.
Its seems most answering my question equate 'friendship' with mistress & fooling around as my motive - or the eventual outcome. The later might suggest most everyone thinks women & men working in proximity will lead to intimacy (as I tend to believe & why I feel uncomfortable with my wife's behavior). The intent is not revenge but as my favorite answer puts it hopefully let her see the situation in reverse.
Unlike her, I'll be open about it. Also, unlike one answerer - any friend I'll meet will not be forced into and therefore should not be pitied.
2007-08-03 05:02:08 · update #1
Why not. Everyone keeps saying no, work out your issues with the wife. It seems like you've tried that and it's not working. What's good for the goose is good for the gander. Find female friends, hang out, have fun, do all the thing she does with the male friends. See how she feels with the shoe being on the other foot. Sometimes it takes those actions to open somebody's eyes, maybe she'll understand how you feel now.
Good Luck
2007-08-01 02:50:33 · answer #1 · answered by lafy tafy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you want to end your marriage, sure, retaliate with petty and childish revenge (you know that if you go out of your way for "female" friends, that is what you're doing).
Continue to be a man, say no WHEN IT'S APPROPRIATE, show her you can take charge and be decisive without being pushy or cocky ... just be sure and confident. She will find cocky and as*hole as unattractive and un-sexy as "doormat" and "slave" - and maybe both of y'all should read Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus ... hahahaha, it sounds like a joke, but there are some good pointers about how wires get crossed and the wrong assumptions the different sexes make about each other.
Revenge will get you nowhere but deeper down and further out, if you know what I mean.
2007-08-01 02:40:08 · answer #2 · answered by Random_Girl 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
That's a simple answer. Girls are sensetive and the men don't want to hurt their wives or be accused of cheating and stuff. Or it could also be that their wife is jealous and told them to stop seeing the other women, even if they are just friends. Your girl friends get stronger for the same reason. Because now that they're married it's hard for them to hang out with their guy friends without the same suspicion. You need to let go and find yourself a man that will be your own and pay attention to only you.
2016-05-19 22:47:06 · answer #3 · answered by arlette 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why does it matter if the friends are female or male. Friendship isn't a matter of gender it is a matter of integrity. Be the person you desire to be. When you do this the friends that you desire will also show up in your life. And, who knows, your wife may warm up even more.
The real question is, do you want to life this kind of life. If you don't, it is within your power to change it. You can do that by working on your marriage with your wife, or leaving and creating the life you want. Finding other "temptations" will do nothing but confuse the situation.
2007-08-01 02:56:10 · answer #4 · answered by Brent 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do you love this woman that your married to? Does she love you? Is this about lack of sex or your rocky relationship with your wife?
It sounds as though you either 1. want to make her jealous or 2. want her attention.
She certainly has your attention by having male friends, are you thinking you'll get hers by having female friends? I feel sorry for any female friend you do make because you will be using her and not into the relationship that a true friend is meant to have.
You need to go back to counseling and see what you want. Not marriage counseling, single counseling, for you alone. Your not happy and your present course is not likely to make you happy. Take care of you first and the rest should fall into place.
2007-08-01 02:49:21 · answer #5 · answered by indigolady1 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Think about why you get irritated about your wife's male friends. Cause you know they will sex her up in a heartbeat, that is unless they are gay. They may be professional and polite, but if she suggested you know it would be a done deal. So I don't recommend getting any female friends unless you want to give'em a roll in the sack. I have had platonic relationships with women that I never tried to take past that, but you know as well as I do that all they have to do is say "do me" and it's done. That's how men are, but alot of women like to pretend this is not the case for some reason.
I'd say just get a divorce if you don't have kids.
2007-08-01 03:10:12 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No dont seek out female friends. Two wrongs dont make a right and not only that but you need to take the mature approach and tell her how you feel. If she acts like she dosent care tell her that if you were to do the same how would it make her feel. If she say's that you having female friends wouldnt bother her I would suggest having someone call you just for a coy and I promise you she will be pissed off and realize how it feels without you having to suck up that you traded on her (since it would just be a test and all).
2007-08-01 02:42:09 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your playing a game. If you don't like her male friends what makes you think she will appreciate your female friend. Are you looking for a friend or a girlfriend? If you don't trust your wife you ought to speak to her about that. Good for you to get on with your life in the other ways you have though. You sound lonely for your wife. You should tell her that.
2007-08-01 02:41:53 · answer #8 · answered by Maria 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I like you to experience open female friendships. Share yourself to females. Just don't disrupt your marriage by flirting with the gals, avoid romantic involvement. See them as a friend acquaintance in intellectual need. Share your self in generalise/ hobbies. Go out and enjoy your own company foremost.
2007-08-01 02:44:01 · answer #9 · answered by daryl 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do you think it will help your marriage? What is it you hope to achieve by doing this? Answer those questions and then decide. I doubt your motives are pure and it's easy to justify making bad decisions by blaming someone else.
Your life, your choices.
2007-08-01 02:39:23 · answer #10 · answered by Stefka 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋