My wife wants to go to the lake
She'll wear somethings so she won't bake
She'll try to find a real good spot
It might be hard, cause it is hot
There will be a lot of people there
The sun is shining everywhere
All we see is a blue sky
She's found a place for us to lie
I think she layed upon some ants
And they going up her pants
She had a look upon her face
That some how looked just out of place
It started with a tiny twitch
And then broke out with all out itch
I think the crowd thought it was funny
Some men are even throughing money
It seems no matter where we go
Drama comes, and it does flow
She started running to our car
And I am glad it wasnt far
She got right in an locked the door
But she's not done she wants some more
She has a spot that comes to mind
Thats a better place for her behind
2007-08-01 02:23:58 · 6 answers · asked by gary_b04901 1 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Poetry
No.
Get a divorce.
2007-08-01 02:27:35 · answer #1 · answered by Lady Annabella-VInylist 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
As always, I enjoy your "wife" poems. This one has a few hard spots, and although I could point them out to you, I would like you to try and spot them...because I really think you're good enough now where you can see them if you try. If you're brave enough, have your wife read this out loud to you so you can hear how it sounds to others who read it. Don't correct her cadence, rhythm or beat...she'll read it the way you wrote it, and if it doesn't sound right, it isn't right. Once you've fixed "those" problem areas, correct your spelling. As your listening, listen to whether the line starts on an up beat or a down beat and which you were expecting. I think you can fine tune this up a bit. Some of your lines were more forced than usual, so you will probably hear those as well. Fix them, then put this in with your other poems of your wife...you've got a good start on a theme book (paperback) of "Life with my Wife" poems...and yes, as another responder said, a publisher will probably get an artist to do some cartoons to illustrate it.
Hope you make a million bucks! You'll need it, because your wife will certainly want at least half :)
2007-08-03 12:54:32 · answer #2 · answered by Kevin S 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
LOL!
It's no wonder you married her...your wife is a walking side show! I have another idea for what you shud do with your poems; you cud get a cartoonist to draw them into short cartoon skits that could come in between programmes like 'Doodlez'!
Dude tell me you have more poems about your wife!!!
2007-08-02 07:19:51 · answer #3 · answered by aisha felynfils 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dude I liked your poem, cuz it's believable.
I can picture it happening in life. That's some of the points to poems... peace out
2007-08-01 03:27:57 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't give up the day job.
Or the night job.
Never write poetry again.
2007-08-01 02:54:43 · answer #5 · answered by Tyler's Mate 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hilarious!!! Is this a true story?
2007-08-01 02:29:15 · answer #6 · answered by markstephens1999 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋