a poem. it's been a while. i need some help. please read.?

Question

my first poem in a month. it's not very good and it might not make sense.


They say the sky is the limit
but if that were true,
we wouldn't have astronauts landing on the moon.

they say to not dwell on the past
but " those who do not know the past
are condemned to repeat it.

in my eyes the world is a mixed up place
where right is wrong
and wrong is right to some.



ok i'm trying to get back into the swing of things but it's not working. just look at my poem. it's no good. for some reason i can't seem to come up with a good one. maybe i'm trying to hard. also-- tell me how youd change this poem-- or add more or whatever. fix it a little if you want. think of a title. i need to go back to the drawing board.

Answer 1

Does the poem make sense? Yes.
Is it a "good" poem? Not yet. It has potential, though.

There are many contradictions in the world. Take for example, "there are no absolutes"....well, if that is true, you have just created an absolute!

I think that the problem with this poem is that you use too many cliches. In fact, "Cliche" might be a good title, if you want to continue to use the cliches and expose them for what they are. However, if you want to be more poetic, you need to find a more subtle, metaphoric way of saying what you mean.

Answer 2

before I even read this I'm going to say this I've read the reviews. I have one question is this the first draft usually when I write something and show it to somebody I go through 3 or 4 drafts. It's hard to be able to rhyme things and with some of the poems that I write it's hard to come up with rythem more than anything that's why I go through so many drafts. The way that I like to do it recently is by having the tangblie piece in front me like a note book and a computer screen so that way I don't waste to many pages of paper but it still helps or I think pushes your mind a different way when you actually see it at the end of you pen. Not pencil for me on the first draft usually not on the computer for the first draft for me. Because you can't retract it when it leaves the ball point or the quill or what ever you have for a pen and then I go back and forth. Now I'm going to read your poem.



It's not that bad of a poem. Really it's not that bad of a poem. It could be a little stronger. I like how you start out with a line that is used and kind of over used some might say but that doesn't matter once a upon a time is usually over used to. But it works here.

The beganing of the next stanzas don't have uppercase I was wondering why is it a typo or just because they don't matter as much. I wouldn't have said anything to this effect but there is a period at the end of each stanza and espeically at the end of the frist which caught my attition. Now I know in poetry you don't really have to use punctution but if you do I tend to like to see it used correctly or at least it makes me a bit curious as to the writers intent. Wheather or not they ment to do such a thing. So it makes me want to learn more about the poet in the end but can sometimes be distracting to me. Case in point with the " right after those. I'm looking for the end of the ".

I think that I would have ended the last stanza with right instead of to some. Because you use the word the word the world so just stick to the world. And then it would be up to the reader to either assume that you ment the world as in the plantet or your world the world that you live in with your friends and family.

I only wrote it this long because I took this poem seriously and like I said it is a good poem. Oh and it makes sense.

Answer 3

Hi,

Bravo for getting back to writing! I haven't seen you in a while.:-)

One thing I wanted to say, is, that not writing for a month isn't so bad--at least I hope not! A few days ago I wrote a sonnet, and it had been about a month since I had written anything I thought was really worth saving.:-)


~I think your poem is somewhat vague--it's hard to understand what it's about.
~You didn't close the quotation marks in the second verse.
~You probably also don't want to use the same word for a rhyme, as you did in the second verse, with "past."

I hope this was helpful!

Answer 4

Kayde:
Like yourself, I like to write, but I write little tells or little histories, mostly in Spanish. When we write, we always expose something of ourselves; but one thing I have learned is that PRACTICE MAKES PERFECTION. So, my best advise is to keep on writing and you'll get better everyday.
I like your poem, it says about the doubts a teenager finds in everyday life. The best title I can think is DOUBTS, and will change nothing, never let an stranger to change your writings, because you are expressing the way YOU see life.
Never quit, even if you do not understand the meaning, that is a reflection of your personal mind.
Your poem is really good...

Answer 5

Hi,

Title:- Reailty on earth or space

After your poem
...I hope it's not the same in space,
and right is right in every way or case.
Hope you find your right way here on eath

or even in space!
Put No limit to your dreams but support it with strong faith some day you will find the answwer for any hard questions

you might face and as we learn always that right is right in every way.

How do you like it what I wrote? By the way the poem that you wrote was lovely. How old are u?

Answer 6

You have three very nice themes to work with but from your wording, I would say you are not really in a poetry frame of mine. I always found what helped shift from day to day chit chat to poetry was reading a favorite poet. I think that could help swing your grammer and syntax toward the poet frame of mind.

Good luck, don't give up, keep trying

Answer 7

perhaps a greater % human beings go via the tribulations of of means-struck parentos than the less left-of-centres, O Cheese of flavoursome poetix. This jogs my memory of the early night I`d merely jacked in my place of work interest..`given them observe` and finally reported i became going to be a author or a therapist. The teapot flew off the table (boiling warm tea, you`be conscious of), I sidestepped and it hurtled `SmASSSSH!` in the direction of the recent-framed window my Dad had spent days setting up. "Why did you progression?"..he asked, aghast. So I`m sittin` with my cawffee now, having merely despatcherd the very-deaded tiny rodent bodies from the traps (TY for the marvelous encouragement?) yet unable by some means to stand a peanut-butter sandwich snack. hiya kindred spirit :)

Answer 8

umm its not that bad. but not great. keep working. oh and poetry could be of whatever. it doesnt always have to be happy. look at edgar allan poe one of the greatest poets. but the poems where dark. but you could write happy ones if you want to. i listen to music when i write poetry. and then bring out all my feelings i have bottled inside. lol

Answer 9

Disappointing and depressing try to poem happiness and a bright future.~~

Answer 10

after true,lose moon line,replace it w/,,,,then why would god make it so ever true blue....last,move where right&some to top line,add...to me it's like a shoe with a missing lace.....//////////sorry good as i can get....whay do ya think about HEART SWINGS..IS